July 29, 2003

Dear Esquire:

Just in case Jayson flakes out on his review for whatever reason, I went ahead and did up a little fill-in for him (see below). Please let me know if you use it so I can pick up a copy when it comes out.

Respectfully,
Jim Treacher

Put 'Em on the Glass [Feel free to change this title, I'm not married to it or anything]

Shattered Glass is a movie about Steven Glass, who was this writer for New Republicans magazine who made up a bunch of characters and events and passed them off as stuff that really existed in real life. Which I'm not sure why that's such a big deal, but whatever. So he did this for a while, and then he got caught, and then nobody heard from him for a few years, and now he's back because he wrote a book that nobody seems to be buying. And now there's a movie about his life. Why not?

In the movie he's played by Hanson Christian, best known for his role on Star Trek. I liked the movie. It was pretty good. They had popcorn at the theater, but they had just run out of the fake butter. Which is the best part! The elderly, white-haired clerk behind the counter was very apologetic as he explained this to me. His wrinkled brow was furrowed with worry and his eyes glimmered with compassion for his disappointed customers. His scuffed and faded nametag read "Leonard." This was in the lobby of the movie theater, before the movie that I really did see.

So anyway, Paul Zahn is also in the movie. He's been in a lot of other movies, like that one with Jack Black, and he's always funny. He's not as funny in this one, probably. Clėö Sėvingėy is in it as the girl, but for once she doesn't give anybody a handjob. [Verify?] Plus, the guy who wrote and directed it is the creator of the '80s TV show Earth 2, so that should give you some idea of what to expect.

What else. I don't remember the name of the theater, but it was sort of old-timey, not like a multiplex or anything. It was a fading symbol of a bygone era. Oh, and when I went up to the box office and paid my money, I said, "Yeah, that's the ticket!" I got a chuckle out of that one.

In summary, Shattered Glass will be swept up... at the Oscars!

[I realize I'm a few hundred words short, but just put whatever you want in there, fiddle with the margins, whatever. The money's going to charity anyway, right?]

Posted by Jim Treacher at July 29, 2003 01:20 PM