Elizabeth Spiers asks: "If Michael Jackson goes to jail, how will he possibly maintain his nose?" I don't know, but I think he should be more worried about toning up his rectal column for a prolonged visit to the Graybar Hotel. One of the urban legends is, he's had so many enemas that he's lost all muscle control up in there and needs to use tampons to keep from crapping his pants. Will his slack, rapidly aging bran-canyon be of much use to any but the most freakishly endowed convicts? And would you want to put your dick in that face, unless you're an adorable moppet who's just been slipped a mickey while your parents are shooed away to the petting zoo? No, Mike will need to come up with some other form of currency in the joint, or he might find himself reenacting the knife-fight from "Beat It" without all the dancing.
Posted by Jim Treacher at November 20, 2003 04:22 PM