IF I had my own band, it would be named The Dracutards and we would have black satin capes and thick glasses and happy smiles with crooked fangs.
IF I hosted a reality show, it would be called Who Wants to Fellate a One-Armed Hobo?
IF I were a cartoon character, my best friend would be Sir Reginald Crazington III and he would have a monocle and a Napoleon hat and we would solve mysteries.
IF forced to have a same-sex liaison with any celebrity, living or dead, or else my whole family would be murdered, I would choose Greg Evigan.
IF I got to pick one food of which I could eat an unlimited quantity without gaining any weight, it would be scientifically impossible.
IF you're still reading this, I'm very sorry.Posted by Jim Treacher at June 23, 2004 08:30 AM