September 11, 2004

Holy goodness, I can't seem to go anywhere these days without running into hard factual evidence of presidential perfidy

Going through the dumpster behind Wendy's after the lunch rush, I found a manila folder full of Warren G. Harding's credit card statements. Spare me all your nitpicking and try to focus on the issue here, folks: How much longer is the media going to ignore Harding's Web-porn problem?

Then as I was walking back to the halfway house, an adorable moppet ran up and offered to sell me a color photograph of George Washington buggering a pack mule. This, as I think you'll agree, is a bombshell. The man on your dollar bill was an animalist, and soon the whole world will know about it! Is $5 too much to pay to guarantee my place in history? I think not, but I talked the little bastard down to $3.25 anyway.

Then I figured I'd thought of enough "match up a president's name with an appropriately anachronistic technology" ribticklers for one day, which is probably good, so hey, beer.

Posted by Jim Treacher at September 11, 2004 10:42 AM