October 21, 2004

You Fat Load

That's the name of the reality show I just watched in my mind. In it, funnyman Jim Norton and a gaggle of 12 anorexic models live together for three months in a fantastic mansion, and the dreamgirl who loses the most weight wins a terrific prize. A typical scene shows Norton sitting on the couch eating Ruffles while the girls do jumping jacks in front of him and try not to snap their shins. "Let's see those ribs, honey!" At the end of each episode, the living dolls all hit the scales and the heaviest one (first week: 75 lbs.) is booted out, to Norton's cry of "Hit the bricks, YOU FAT LOAD!!!" This catchphrase sweeps the nation. To the slimmest young lady who doesn't succumb to heart failure before the 90-day mark? A prize of $100,000 and a sense of relief that the last thing she sees on Earth won't be a twitchy creep standing over her adjusting his fly and trying to decide if he should lift her skirt and get in there before it's too cold.


Posted by Jim Treacher at October 21, 2004 11:25 AM

Speaking of weight, anybody know where I can get a human-sized box trap? I get the sense that this critter in my garbage every night is bigger than a raccoon.

Posted by: albo at October 21, 2004 11:33 AM

Leave a spray bottle and squeegee in as bait.

Puce might fall for it.

Posted by: Beryl Gray at October 21, 2004 11:57 AM

CBS. They need to boost their ratings.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at October 21, 2004 06:07 PM

Ooh, a freegan infestation! Leave out soap, shampoo, and a respectable-looking suit.

Posted by: Sean M. at October 21, 2004 06:12 PM

Screw that. Put them in a colonial mansion in New England, and pitch it to PBS. Bam, instant grant money! Plus, you be rollin' with playas like Ken Burns & Bill Moyers, and get access to all that fine-ass PBS cootchie.

You'd probably have to retitle as "Thy Loade is Mighty", tho.

Posted by: iowahawk at October 21, 2004 06:58 PM

I was in a pilot for an MTV reality show hosted by Jim Norton.

No joke.

No models, either, unfortunately.

Posted by: dc at October 24, 2004 04:37 PM