October 25, 2004
10 Reasons I'm Not Voting for You, Mr. George W. Bush
10. Do you really think it's a good idea to be Hitler, George? Hitler killed millions of people and his approval ratings are for shit. Why can't you be somebody who people like? Regis, maybe, or the Prophet Mohammed. Anybody but Hitler! Being Hitler = BAD IDEA.
9. Two words: You. Are. Dumb.
8. When Karl Rove used the remote-control device implanted in your upper back to force you to murder Iraqi babies and American soldiers for oil and/or no reason because Saddam was mean to your dad, plus what about the WMDs you lost after you lied about them even being there in the first place, and then Rove tried to make everybody think your Thanksgiving turkey wasn't plastic by planting fake documents about your military service and forcing Dan Rather to say "Sorry, I guess" on national TV, did you really think we wouldn't figure it out?
7. People might make fun of me. Maybe you're used to it by now, but I'm not.
6. I mean, black hoods? Fa-shion dis-a-a-a-ster. Wasn't Abu Ghraib dreary enough already? (More like Abu Drab!) I would have started a riot -- a laugh riot. While pointing at you!
5. How dare you taunt a dying Christopher Reeve with a big brown bottle of stem cells. The man was on his deathbed, you sick monster. Why did you have to hold the spoon right in front of his lips? "C'mon, Chrissy, it's right here. You can do it, bwah! Just another coupla inches. Oooh, yer close. Close!" Shame on you, Dubya.
4. I can't really think of anything for item #4, and for that I blame you. (Also the Jews.)
3. Where's Osama? Come on, Shrub, we all know you've got him in some secret Ashcroft prison and he's running around loose in the world, plus also besides which everybody just saw him live on tape giving the dramatic reading of Fahrenheit 9/11 that the Halliburton PR dept. wrote for him to swing the election your way. Well???
2. The Internet.
1. I can no longer afford the premiums on my falling-sky insurance. Adios, chimp!
PREVIOUSLY: Rather: "Prove I'm Not Queen of the Space Unicorns"
Posted by Jim Treacher at October 25, 2004 12:03 AM
I respond, point by point, thusly:
10. Bush is not like Hitler. The German people elected Hitler. We all know Bush was not elected. The German People LOVED Hitler. The German people HATE GW. Therefore GWB is NOT like Hitler, and on this point your argument fails.
9. He may be dumb, but he's really, really cute. AND, I happen to like the way he pronounces "nukeelar". You lose this point, too.
8. It wasn't Rove, it was Cheney, dummy! After losing the first part of this one, you don't get any points for the rest of the point in question either. Three down.
7. Everyone already made fun of you. Get used to it. That's four.
6. We had our troops have the Iraquis pose in positions that the French would recognize. Don't YOU recognize coded photos when you see them? You lose this one, too.
5. Stem cell, schmem cell. Everybody knows Halliburton is the only thing that matters. Another defeat for you.
4. Roger should be blamed, but not because he's a Jew. If he wasn't such a good writer, he would have never had a blog, and if Al hadn't invented the internet...You lose this one too, buddy. Nice try.
3. Do you remember seeing John Kerry windsurfing before 9/11? Of course not. Osama IS John Kerry, which is exactly why those bumper stickers all say, "Who would Osama Vote for?" Almost home.
2. See comment #4 above. Again, I win, you lose.
1. Ah....I see your point. Mebbe I'll switch, too
I'm not voting for Bush because he made Greedo shoot first.
10. Hitler was stupid to start another war when the first bit wasn't really sorted out yet. Then he had plans to expand it even further while taking care of "domestic matters" (tax cuts for the rich, gassing Jews, making Paris his bitch, chasing a golfer named Monty through the desert, and so on). And of course his generals were afraid to tell him that they didn't have the troops and equipment to do all that. Bush isn't like that at all.
9. That's not two words unless there's a tremendous surplus that's been kept from the American people by a conspiracy of mathematics so profound in its cunning that only the Trilateral Commission and Nicolas Cage can figure it out.
8. Everyone knows that Bush is a big fan of Jim Nabor's role in The Lost Saucer. He had his robot costume on under the suit (Mrs. Bush is an even bigger fan of that Sid and Marty Krofft classic, if ya know what I mean!)
7. Deal with it, dork.
6. If I wanted Mr. Blackwell, I'd go to Instahabadasher. Or I'd buy an issue of Details and pretend I'm completely heterosexual while doing so--add a copy of New York Magazine and an issue of Men's Workout and the clerk will be sure to know I'm not gay. Maybe I should get a copy of Men's Fitness, too.
5. That was so mean. But at least you didn't win any money on the death pool (Hawking's nurse needs a bigger check than that for "an accident" to occur). I'll win big if Flynt gets KKKOed.
4. I can't, either.
3. He's a backup forward at a certain Division One basketball powerhouse. Those student visas are too easy to abuse, those Duke women are hot, and Coach K's last name is Arabic for "Dude who can get you on television every week".
2. He only invented the OTHER internet.
1. Falling-sky tort-reform is first on Bush's list of to-dos for his second term. After all the other important things (something like three hundred of them at last count).
I am hoping this is satire, cause if it aint, I fear someone's therapy bills as of nov 3rd will be through the roof ...
"9. Two words: You are dumb."
LOL: The latest news is that based on comparative tests they took, Bush's IQ is *above* Kerry's.
Dang, will the New Yorker have a cow over that. all those long SAT words they saved up to call Bush "dumb" by other names (dunce, numbskull, retromingent, etc.) down the tubes.
2. Retort on The OBL thingie ... Osama Bin Laden is dead. Memo to Kerry: Prove otherwise! You've been in Cambodia in 1968, it was 'seared in your memory', dammit, go to Pakistan, fight the talibunnies bare handed and get OBL by the throat and prove he's alive! C'mon, you've downed 12 point deer on Cape Cod! Slaughtered geese! And burned villages! Be a man! See, you're not doing it because you can't, and you cant because he's dead!
If he was alive, he would show his face and endorse you as a more worthy adversary in the GWOT!
I'm voting for Kerry, I guess. Bush has had his chance. But regardless of who I vote for, I wanna puke when I hear people who think that because they really really hate [fill in name of someone with different politics than your own], their hatred gives them the right to say or do anything without regard to fact or law. Vigorous, even acrimonious, debate is good, but sociopathic disregard for people who don't think or say what you want them to is evil.
I include in this group those who pretend their political bigotry can be waved off by claiming it's really just a joke. Ha ha, just like the jokes the KKK told as they were stringing up another "darkie".
10. Kristallnacht. Sudetenland. Zyklon B. Stalingrad. Pink triangles. Thousands and thousands of trains full of people being shipped to incinerators.
9. George Bush apparently has a higher IQ than John Kerry. http://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/24/politics/campaign/24points.html?oref=login
8. There were other reasons besides the oooooiiiiillll and the daddy factor. Here's one of them. Judge for yourself. http://massgraves.info/
7. The corollary statement, that you viciously make fun of others who see things differently, doesn't seem to hold you back.
6. Daniel Perlman, Nick Berg, Kenneth Bigley and the rest would just laugh their heads off at the clever satire of the black hoods. Har har! Certainly, having your head sliced off while are still alive and conscious, and your trachea spasming as your body tries to suck air through your new piehole, is just deserts if you don't have approved political beliefs.
5. The truth about the stem cell controversy is quite different from the internet rumors that "everyone knows" to be true. The government refuses to fund research involving newly harvested embryonic stem cells. It will and does fund research with existing lines of embryonic stem cells, as well as with nonembryonic stem cells. The government does not prohibit or interfere with privately funded research with newly harvested lines of embryonic stem cells.
4. See item #10 for examples of where spreading ugly comments about Jews has led to in the past.
3. At this point, Osama is more accurately described as a celebrity than an enemy. Who cares if he is alive or dead, without his money, his camps, his state shields, and about 3/4ths of his old pals, he is an emasculated joke next to a real nightmare like al-Zarqawi. Some people have still not grasped that the enemy in the WOT is not a man, it is an ideology that teaches it's okay to blow up airplanes and cities, and kill as many innocent people as you possibly can, because you have some medieval religious beliefs. Will it really take a nuked US or European city to expose the real enemy? Those are the stakes.
2. This seems more the bailiwick of Gore, its inventor (to recycle another untrue internet rumor to appear clever).
1. Wait until the nuclear-fallout insurance invoice arrives...
I have lived my life in complete contrast to yours. I have been apolitical to the point of apathy.
My last and first voting experience has been a split ticket.
Bush and a senator named Levin.
I don't agree with Bush on a lot of things. But I vow to rot away childless brfore I vote for another democrat again in my life.
The breaking point was Torreceli. Every senator and congressman knew he was as corrupt as corrupt gets. And yet no one in the DIM party pushed him out to let a more effective person take a swipe at leadership.
They stood behinf him as long as he led in the polls. And as soon as he was no longer a viable candidate, you bailed on him like unions dumped on the American Worker.
Party of the People? No... party before people...
that is what you are...
XMark, you really harshed our mellow, chappie. No need to get all clued in to The Man and drop science on our befuddlemented gullivers, to employ as many awkwardly-placed metaphors as possible into a post.
I think a simple "That's not funny!" would probably suffice. It saves you a lot of time, and people are much more likely to read the whole thing.
Jeez, everybody seems to be missing the joke in #9, mainly that "You are dumb" is 3 words, not 2. Don't worry, Treacher, some of us appreciate you.
jon, et al., apologies for the harshing of the mellow. The Hitler/Bush trope has become like Chinese water torture...drip drip drip...and every man has his breaking point; my inner mongoose kinda took over before figuring out this isn't www.bushitler.com. Ok, I also now get the joke in #9. Heh.
I went and read some of the other posts here. I suppose, like a typical newbie, I could use a few whacks with a clue-by-four. (Hey, I said a FEW.) I'm not saying Mr. Treacher will transform my world view as surely as that first puff of crack smoke transformed Marion Barry's world view, but...I like this joint. Don't tell anyone. :-) Peace.
Peace out, man! Hey, is that Freedom Rock? Well, turn it up, man!
Since you sent me those nice emails, I just wanted to give you a heads-up on the fact that I've alerted Rove to your lack of...enthusiasm. If you know what's good for you, you'll hit the road like Puce did, because, seriously, the Rovian Jackboot Squad is not to be taken lightly. Trust me, they pulled me over for not having my Bush/Cheney bumper sticker displayed prominently enough three months ago, and they stomped me good until I agreed to wear a snitch jacket! Gotta keep my nose clean, y'know?
Oh, and jon, your "Freedom Rock" reference has been noted. Have fun in Gitmo, you smelly comsymp hippie peace creep! When they're done with you, you'll wish you had "been through the desert on a horse with no name," if you catch my drift!
hey jimmy, i been clickin' on your site like a bastard all day every day- i want some kinda deal for all the clicks ok? just emale me and we'll sort something out.
I think subtlety is lost here.
Very funny post!
Why use subtlety when bludgeoning people over the head is ever so much more effective, Mike?
Speaking of head-bludgeoning, I noticed a distinct lack of support for the President in your post. Don't be surprised when your door is kicked in and your family is sent off to the secret gulag for "dissenters." Say hi to Franken and Garofolo for me, m'kay?
That read was truly a complete waste of my time - you posted nothing of substance, but managed to insult Bush and Jews.
Congratulations on adding to the numbers of those that prefer to spread ignorance and hate rather than fact-based discussion and dialog.
John Kerry claims to have a plan for America, a way to stem the tide of terrorism, respect of the world, courage, values, and strong leadership qualities, but I'm satisfied with settling for the real thing. I'm voting for George Bush.
Shouldn't #2 be the Internets?
I am voting Bush because he can withstand the litany of uncivil hate speech motivated out of the lies and fabrications created by the elitist intellectual class who worship an ideology determined to undermine the goodwill of the American soul.
Michael Moore is not my God.
I'm voting against GWB for one all important reason: he is really, really trying to kill me!
Your friendly neighborhood terrorist registered as a Democrat in Florida, Ohio, PA and various other locations.
Oh, and Jar Jar. What the hell was he thinking? Jar Jar Binks is Bush's Vietnam.
The title should be changed to:
Ten Reasons why I Shouldn't be Allowed to Vote.
Okay. This is sarcasm or satire...right? Right? I admit to being a bit, challenged in that dept.
So far, neither candidate has addressed my main issue. I'm not voting until one of them promises to get new episodes of Family Guy on the air, pronto!
Very funny dhinger. I can see this is a joke. Maybe you can't take nothing serious dhinger but over at Iraq War was wrong blog. I found this site from there when they nailed your ass in some of there post's. They are at a more higher level where they can take something serious like WAR'S which are WRONG you RIGHT WING DHINGER. But you probably wouldn't know anything about taking anything serious like they do right dhinger.
Jesus flippin' Christ some people are thick.
Take 5 minutes to peruse a site new to you and get the author's general flavor. Might save you from looking like a royal ass.
I'm not voting for Bush, for two good reasons:
1.) I'm not American
2.) I'm not Amreican
I thought it was such a big reason that I should mention it twice.
I actually am Amreican. Amreica is a small, exotic Pacific Island. They won't let us vote in this election either.
FURTHER PROOF THAT THE RIGHT IS NOT FUNNY.
I agree. This totally reaffirms why no one thinks conservatives are funny. Lame, lame, lame.
I say that not as a liberal but as a funny person. You're lame.
"I say that not as a liberal but as a funny person."
Well, your comment wasn't so funny, but the fact that someone describes themselves as funny always bodes well.
Where's your site?
Yeah. Not funny you reputzi dhinger's.
Jim's right this is not funny business, Jim (treacher) may use some hyperbole at time's but he makes some decent points The question is, will Amreica listen?
Your list is almost as incoherent as my anti-Bush friends when they go on a tirade... not quite, but almost. You've definitely got your finger on the pulse of the democrats' ever-stupid-er positions.
How many times do we have to tell you--it wasn't about oil!
If it was about oil, we would have invaded Venezuela. It's closer and the food is better
Jim, quit recycling our talking points!
They are copyrighted and you need express written consent from major league nutball to use them.
Screw this. I blame Bush for making my library really, really stinky over the past couple of weeks. Too many vagrants hogging the computers looking at muscle magazine sites. What's up with that?
What's a "chode"? And don't say something like "you are, you chode." Because that's just cruel, and it doesn't help me expand my horizons one little bit.
Zum befel, mein Uben-Treacher!
check this out, warmongers! Your brethren (or used to be, before you abandoned sound economic ideology for courtside seats to the Armageddon) have spoken!
and I thought it was "choad," but as with all new words there is some space for debate. urbandictionary.com has both spellings.
and anyone (you, XMark, since this reference might escape you otherwise) who supports Bush should think of the massive irony they create when they use "peace" as their closing greeting. It's truly mind-boggling.
TO: Dave Schuler at October 25, 2004 05:53 AM
"InternetS" (plural) is correct, though the pig-ignorant lame stream media hooted at President Bush for saying it. Internet2 is in the works.
Dang it, I forgot one:
11. Inventing "Al-Qaeda!"
TO: Non-Moron at October 25, 2004 10:21 AM
In order for you to earn your chosen screen name, you'd have to know that AmCon is a hard-line, more-conservative-than-thou splinter group that has been sniping for years at the rest of the conservative movement for not being what they consider orthodox, and predicating their support on such finicky orthodoxy.
You'd also know that others in that AmCon forum opt not for Kerry but for Nader, Mike Peroutka, Michael Bednarik and -- George W. Bush (Pat Buchanan's choice).
You've proven you DIDN'T know that. Too bad about your screen name.
Didn't Springsteen sing something about a Chode. That must have been one of his early anti-Bush songs.
Jim! They got to you, didn't they? Hang on-- I hear someone at the d
They say that a good indicator of intelligence is the ability to recognize irony, satire, and sarcasm in written form. By that criteria, you can tell quite a bit about some of the people who've posted comments here.
I guess if it isn't obviously laconic, it goes over some conservatives' heads. No, that's an insult to conservatives, who are usually quite intelligent and funny. I don't know how to classify the freakish mutations posing as conservatives these days. "Decepticons" maybe. No, because Megatron woulda fried your ass with his arm cannon for your stupidity. Not even Starscream would've tolerated your presence for long, and he was the most annoying and ambitious of the bunch. Poor Starscream, always denied first dibs on the energon cubes.
I guess I'll just stick to "douchebags". It's a good, multipurpose term that fits both self-styled conservatives and liberals who know no other ideology than that of The Douche.
Stop it!! Stop it!!!STOOOOPPPP IIITTT!!!
and Rich's comment in rebuttal is Faaabbbuuuullllooouuussss!!!
Well, that and then there's the fact you're going to get the flu because of the flu vaccine shortage that HE caused and not only are you going to get the flu, you're going to die from it because you won't be able to afford the doctors that COULD have saved your life because BUSH doesn't pay for your health care!!! But fear not, Kerry "has a plan" and if you wait to get the flu until then. HE WILL SAVE YOU BECAUSE NO ONE WILL DIE OR LOSE JOBS OR ANYTHING BAD AT ALL WHEN BUSH IS GONE!
Can I say "Moo-Lahs" here?
I'm voting for Bush because he said "Moo-Lahs" in the debate.
I choked--classic '50's spit-take.
Kerry didn't even twitch. I'm talking Gore-level automaton.
Remember to wear your pajamas to the polls!
I really thought I was going to vote for Bush, but Chad Lowe was in town this weekend and he's endorsed Kerry...so I've got some serious thinking to do.
It's the Kerry endorsement from Bush's grandfather's sister's grandchildren that put me over the top.
10.... Hitler , try the Clintons for killing thousands of people, he killed his own people in Waco, TX and others including a pregnet mother of 2 children. Letting Israel to defend herself against Arafart. I could go on..... GWB saved milions of people Saddam killed millions of people. Saddam is your Hitler, ASS...
9. My 3 year can count better then you can... You Are Dumb, President Bush has the highest degree so far of any president, he can speak 4 langauges fluently. What an COMPLETE ASS YOU ARE, YOU REALLY SHOW YOUR INTELLIGENCE...... NOT!!!!
8. Saddam had not 3 or 5 or even 10 or 12 or 15 but 17 times to let the UN inspectors in to Iraq, we had the UN approval to go in and to disarm him, he had over a year to move, sell or trade the WMDs, besides France and Germany where trading weapons and food or oil, they were trading with Saddam, so naturally they wouldn't attack Saddam, they where in bed with him.
7. GET USED TO IT, With such supidity that you show, it's an everyday occurance for you. a thousand times over.... HAHA
6. Well you must be gay of something to worry about which colors match or what is in style, the president has more important things to worry about then to worry about which outfit to wear, AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A BUM OR A MONSTER LIKE FROM THE ADDAMS FAMILY WHO CARES, LOOK AT KERRY HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS A MONSTER. NOT TO MENTION WHAT KERRY'S 3RD WIFE HAS TO SAY.
5. The president's job is to protect our country and to uphold the constitution, either candidate of the democrates believe in. They believe in a one world government and would turn over this country to the UN who are the most evil and hate America.
4. Oh I forgot, that's Right Al Gore Invented the internet HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Yeah right, I have some lake front property to sell ya in AZ.
3. Go find him then, I'm not going to stop you.... You think you know where he is at, then FIND HIM.
2. The Internet was found in the 1970s for the military to communicate, well All Gore didn't do it, since he didn't like the military see 4 above, sorry you can't count past 2 (reference to #9)
1. Dammm I guess you should get a job then.
Sheesh, you'd think people would, erm, think before they post comments! Or at least read some of the rest of the damn site!
Come on, guys, this is satire.
(I want a pet Puce. Do you think he could find his way across the Atlantic on his way to Clark County?)
Wow I've never seen such a successful experiment done on internet trolls. Treacher has proved that if you make fun of incoherence then offended madmen will post incoherent rebuttals!!
Congradulations on a successful experiment!
Jim, every time I think that people who regularly use computers have a higher intelligence level than people who don't, I'm going to come back and re-read the comments to this post.
Give puce a kiss for me.
Sorry, Mr. Treacher, but your readers are waaaay funnier than you are. ;-)
Lots o comments.
Look, I'll make this simple. Check out Kerry's record..........
Go find Zarqawi, sit down, sing kumbaya, and let him cut your head off before the second stanza.
Go for the kool-aid.
Consider that SOMEWHERE THERE IS SOMEONE STANDING GUARD FOR YOUR USELESS ASS. They deserve your respect and support. If you think Kerry will support them, pick one of the first two options.
Look at Arizona on a map. See those dams near the top? Those dams make these things often known as "lakes". They're usually blue on the maps. See them? Lake Havasu? Lake Mead? Roosevelt Lake?
Teach something every day...
Jim, hilarious. But with regard to the comments .... What Meryl said.
Give puce a kiss for me.
With lots o' tongue.
Gosh. You try to crack a joke, and end up running a damned sociological experiment.
Nice post, though.
Puce is also cute and fluffy!
Oh wow you're a smart one. Those are all really valid reasons unlike Kerry whos being indicted (http://patriotpetitions.us/Kerry/) and could be disqualified from office.
Yeah, funny Jim. Wonder if you'll still be laughing on Nov 3rd when your only hope is sleazy lawyers.
Hop on the bandwagon kids, nothing to see here.
#11 "there is no terrorist threat"
Remember Bush killed 3000 innocent Americans on 9/11 just to, um, make, um, hmmm, the department of homeland defense? Yeah yeah thats it, thats the ticket!
Scary to think the government trusts you with the power to vote for the most powerful office in the world. You guys are the fat of the land.
10. do you really think genocidal maniacs like anybody? even you?
9. I know you are, but what am I?
8. break the prozac in half
7. people SHOULD make fun of you
6. you laugh? at anything?
5. and the breck girl says everyone in a wheelchair will walk if we will only vote for sanity
4. not a surprise
3. osama just wants to be liked, just like you
2. yo' mama
1. run chicken little, faster, faster
ignorance is bliss, and you're full of it
Bush is Hitler?!? I thought Rush was Hitler. I'm so confused...
The list is funny, the comments even funnier. I fear for the liberals sanity on November 2nd when Bushitler wins.
Excellent post, not only in its own right, but as a catalyst for responses. I never truly realized the perils of lack of education until I read these comments.
Brings new life to the phrase "he's so dense light bends around him"
What surprises me is that, a whole day's worth of comments later, there are still people who don't realize that this is a joke, making fun of unthinking Democrat arguments against President Bush. And yes, I think there ARE thinking arguments against President Bush. (Did someone say steel tariffs?) Apparently, though, the Democrats don't have much faith in those arguments, since they choose instead to rely on the arguments parodied by Mr. Treacher.
I thought I was getting Farked, but I guess it was just a left-cheek sneak Fark. Okay, keep going, you guys are doing good.
Oh, you are not fooling anyone, Mr. "Jim" "Treacher". You are totally writing all these comments yourself. Maybe even this one....
Want proof the left is freaking out? Read these comments! Love it, Treach, first time here (and I didn't need to read the rest of the site to get the joke... stupid democrats)
Jim's blog entry and the majority of the comments that follow it represent conclusive proof of the failure of publik ejukashun.
Congrats...you broke Godwin's law in your first line.
Godwin's Law: prov.
[Usenet] ďAs a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.Ē There is a tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress.
This is satire, folks. Understand that.
I found the list amusing and some of the responses from (presumably) fellow conservatives somewhat distressing. Please, brush up on satire before posting rants against the host. Thank you in advance for your help.
PS Who would have thought somebody would use Transformers as an analogy for the current political climate?
Great list! RE: the visitors who seem not to get the jokes-- maybe they're trying to be ironic. Mmmm, irony.
Irony would like to point out that she is not dead, just hiding in an undisclosed location far, far away from this comment thread.
Not that she is in any danger of most of the commenters here recognizing her, though.
"I have heard that there is a physiological condition that prevents some people from perceiving or understanding irony, which encompasses most satire."
Yep; I've SEEN a physiological condition that prevents folks having a sense of humor. I find it generally goes arm in arm with pathological dishonesty, French Socialist Democrats, and conspiracy theories about Republicans.
Leftism isn't a valid political position. Its a disease.
My doctor says I should have more irony in my diet.
You have lots of new visitors because you've just been InstaLaunched.
10. Yes, Bush is Hitler. Yeah, I have heard that one before. What an original point. Why don't you just put, "I know what you are but what am I?" It would have about as much effect. In mean time, I should be off to work at the local concentration camp, where you now doubt will be residing soon for writing this. Oh wait we don't have those or anything resembling the German regime of the 1930s and 40s, but Bush is still Hitler.
9. Bush is dumb, oh thats another new one. I thought he was Hitler and responsible for every evil in the modern world from 9-11 to reality television? I can't seem to keep my crackpot leftwing theories straight these days.
8. Murder Iraqi babies for oil. Hmm. I thought the U.N. sanctions were killing 100,000 Iraqi babies a year? Thats what all the same people who claim blood for oil were saying five years ago. What about all of the Kurdish and Shia babies Saddam gassed and murdered in the 1990s, you didn't seem to care to much about them when that was happening. I guess it was their pleasure and right to die for the cause man, because that your dead its who killed you that matters. Only people who die at the hands of Americans really count. The other millions of victims from Iraq to the Yugoslavia to the 100s of millions killed by communist governments that you no doubt supported and apologized for can go get fucked because they don't count in the eys of the American left. Only victims of the real evil, America, count. One other thing, I bet you weren't too upset when Janet Reno burned those kids to death in Waco in name of saving them, but they were just a bunch of Christian nut cases anyway, probably deserved to burn to death.
7. Fortuneately, I am still sentient enough to have no idea what the hell you are talking about in this one.
6. See above.
5. Everyone like Christopher Reeve will walk again once John Kerry is elected President.
4. I am sure you do blame the Jews. Why don't we just kill them all. Let the Arabs have their way. Just surrender and abadon Isreal and everything will be okay, but Bush is Hitler right? What does it feel like to be on the wrong side of history and be a heart a murderous anti-semetic piece of shit?
3. I thought Bush was dumb and had forgotten about Osama? Oh, no he is an evil genius who has Osama on ice somewhere. Please choose a crackpot theory and stick with it. The crazy old lady at the laundry mat makes more sense than you.
2. Since Al Gore invented the internet, maybe that is a reason to vote for Kerry.
1. Bush is a chimp, another new one.
Speaking of Jews, reading through all of these Dem smart alecks, you'd think the man said all their beloved grandparents were roasting in hell for all of eternity. You'd think he'd have said that in public, and argued with his mother Barbara Bush no less. What will those Michael Moore types make up next?
I voted early because it gives me time to change my mind and I like the way Kerry does it, vote once for and a second time against. That way you please everyone. Also gives you a cover if later accused of not being there for the vote.
About Abu Ghraib, or was it Abu Grope, the leash photo, they said it showed a soldier leading an Iraqi like a dog. I didn't see that, what I saw was an Iraqi with a bitch on a leash.
Kerry slams Bush about not having a "GRAND Alliance". Kerry thinks the most important part of being president is the breeding quality of those you meet with and the POSH palaces where you PARTY while discussing what to do, if anything, about starving millions in Africa. If it isn't GRAND, forget about it. No alliance where French isn't spoken is worth crap.
One wonders what Heinz-Kerry will do to the White House if they get in? Will she have all the furnishings burned on the lawn and bring in her tacky South African stuff? I've heard she buys her clothes at Good Will clearance sales -- anything red -- if she spills ketchup on them it doesn't show (including goose blood).
Don't even worry about appreciating irony, just check out prior comments before posting yours. It'll help.
Hell, this is nothing compared to what I got when I was insensitive to the faith of my fellow Jon Stewart fans. You gonna let them punks show you up, people?
I miss Puce, but this was close, so I feel a little better.
Maybe you were being ironic. I can't tell anymore. You could cut and paste your 10 list onto Eric Alterman's blog and not tell the difference. You just can't satarize this stuff anymore.
Jon Stewart sucks eggs! Puce for President!
Wow. I have seen only a few posts worth less and more structurally flawed than this one. Let me write the correpsonding 10 Reasons Not to Vote for Kerry.
10. Visited with our enemy in a time of war and is honored for his contribution in their "Hall of Heroes".
9. Lied about war crimes he did not witness.
8. Threw away medels others died honoring.
7. Stood against every important defense system America has today.
6. Voted, with almost perfect conformity, against every religious doctrine he claims to be guided by.
5. Voted to ban the very gun he claimed to enjoy using.
4. Voted against funding our troops during a time of war. That's not the time to lodge protests, Senator.
3. His Wife. 'nuff said.
2. Voted against the first Gulf War - which clearly passed his own "global test"
1. Loved by Michael Moore and Jimmy Carter. The same can be said for Fidel Castro and Yasser Arafat.
[Charlie Brown]Sigh.[/Charlie Brown]
These tend to be a bit Michael Moorish (Mooreish?) whose sense of humor isn't my favorite. But there are high spots here and there.
Recommend: do not read on a full stomach. ;)
Face it- Senator John Kerry is the best out of the two. He speaks English at least. How many times have we sen GWB massacre the English Language? How many of his "ideas or plans" are atually Cheney's? Heck, who's running our country while Bush is out campaiging? Bush seems only to come to the White House for Photo Ops!
"How many times have we sen GWB massacre the English Language?"
"Bush seems only to come to the White House for Photo Ops!"
I agree. He doesn't even use capital letters as they did in Olde Thymes.
Peace, as in Peace Through Superior Firepower.
It is the only "natural" peaceful state...
Kerry said Bush can't run on his record. I didn't know he recorded one. Plus, wouldn't it get busted if he went pacing about on it? Maybe if it was in a really bad ass jewel case.
Bush says Kerry does not have a record to run on. So why does Kerry think he's so cool if he never even recorded one?
I'll go for the guy with the record 'cause that's something I can get my head around.
Ha dhinger, see? Your commenters NAILED you on some of these critique's. Totally nailed you. Least ways, it looks like alot of them are relly criticle of what your saying. I'm not real sure exactly what your saying but it doesn't sound right and thay Totally busted you dhinger. (Especially that one one RELLY nailed you.) LOFGXH!!
treacher rox my world.
kerry is the man.
bush is stupid.
che guevara lives.
seriously people > have we gotten to the place where were electing ppl who disregard international views, slaughter the economy, start uneccessary wars while lounging around playing golf all day, and cant even say NUCLEAR?AM I the only one who realizes that BUSH is as smart as a crayon??!!
"You cant follow a PResident who says this was the wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time" gwb/ COME ON DUBYA you said that 65423135684356464 times already!!!
ok have you noticed how he speaks?? i could sing an opera in between every BUshie thought.
AND HIS FACE.... come ON!! just look at him. He looks as if he's still high on that dope from the 70's.
Yes i admit... Kerry's face is not all that impressive either, but at least he holds a brain inside that long face of his.
its scary to think that america could be run by a man who should be at Burger King flippin the burgers... GO BACK TO THE RANCH COWBOY!
movimiento al socialismo. vote chato peredo.
www.blackpeopleloveus.com might shine some light for the denser folks that visit.
Maybe some people will understand the meaning of satire and how it pokes fun at both sides in this thread.
Best post was about Greedo shooting first. Dear God...that makes me angry.
10. Let me be the first one to say it. Hitler is Mother Teresa in comparison. Bush is the unholy trinity. The AntiChrist/Satan and George (W)ashington
9. In the words of Bullwinkle, a heavy tipper.
8. George loves murder, he used white out on "Thou shalt not kill"
7. You make fun of me, I kill you
6. George has a slide show of the Abu pics. He thinks of it as his finest moment.
5. George is conflicted about people in wheelchairs. George wants to off them, but Dick Cheney tells him, it will hurt him at the polls.
4. George makes me so mad, I can't think either!
3. George hired Osama to nail the towers so he could kick Sadam out of Iraq! It can't get any clearer than that!
2. George had the FBI change the Internet to Big Brother. WE JUST DON'T KNOW IT!!!!!
1. Gone, gone, gone!!! It brings such ease to my soul. And the prosecution can start Nov 3rd
Just two more words: kewl
Funny stuff for this 30 year Republican that at one time many years ago saw every Republican on my Texas ballot lose. Times are a changin.
I wonder where we would be today if we hadn't bought all that Great Society malarkey.
Oh well, here's to the future!
WOW! And it conTINues!
What I woudn't give for a holocaust cloak about now.
Good luck storming the castle of irremediable cluelessness, Jim. It'll take a miracle.
Okay...I have to add a few sentences that may go unread.
First of all, intelligence and/or knowledge are completely unimportant as qualifications for Presidency. I offer the example of Ronald Reagan. That man was as dumb as a box of rocks. He was demonstrably senile for the entirety of his two terms, and was notorious for quotes such as "trees cause pollution."
As unpalatable as these traits may seem to "liberal intellectual snobs," I think we need to face the fact that Reagan had ENORMOUS charisma, and in fact accomplished the primary tasks of the President of the United States, which are to stand as an effective figurehead AND make the American people (in general) feel good about themselves and their country.
Second, anyone who believes that the individual who is elected to the office of President actually directly implements any policies is blissfully deluded. When you elect a president, you are electing a general trend. Vote conservative, and you are endorsing legislated social morality, paranoid nationalism and fiscal irresponsibility. Vote liberal, and you are endorsing personal freedom, global interdependency and redistribution of wealth. What Bush or Kerry say, have done or will do has very little to do with that.
My point is that tales about who was braver in what war, who comitted what sexual indescretions, and who has a higher IQ really don't have much to do with what is going to happen to this country after the election.
"Jim's blog entry and the majority of the comments that follow it represent conclusive proof of the failure of publik ejukashun."
failure? what do you think PE's goal is?
I refuse to have to choose between the metophorical 'puppet on the left, or the puppet on the right.' don't you all see that this sort of fence hopping is exactly what everyone in charge of this country wants. until the day arrives that i actually have a reinforced democratic voice as a citizen of the great USA, then i will be saving my vote for a leader that really gives a darn about somebody other than himself..or his ego..whatever.
p.s. i am tired of being wagged...how about you america.
Enough about this embryonic stem cell research. What it boils down to is cloning, right? Edwards tells us that to elect Kerry is to have folks in wheelchairs jumping up and walking again. Now, there's a campaign promise for you. Fact is that scientists have been playing around with embryonic stem cells for over twenty years. Number of patients aided by the research = 0. Patients helped by adult stem cells, stem cells derived from fat cells, cord blood, etc. is in the thousands. Go figure. You do the math. Do we really want the government to decide when life begins, when it can be loaned out, altered, or experimented with, and finally when it ends? Why? When there are much better, more hopeful, scientifically proven ways? Sorry, but W got this right, too. He's gotten lots of things right. We just don't know it yet. We've gotten caught up in the hype of JK's daily blame game [like railing on our soldiers for not protecting/securing explosives that probably weren't even there when our forces arrived]. And if we put Waffle House in, it will take a lot of years to live down that mistake. A lot of frightful years.
"like a typical newbie, I could use a few whacks"
xmark, couldn't we all. call O'Reilly, he's got it down cold.
Please tell me this was written with as a joke or by an 11 year old.
Maybe people will regain their sense of humor after November 2.
I am just a passer by, but I will make a few comments.
I can see why people took it as 100% serious. I myself, just shook my head and said ďAnother dang %^#%Ē I have listened to that type of junk for four freaking years. And a lot of it makes far less sense than what you posted. It just looks like a run of the mill liberal argument. So my ability to see anything funny in it has long since passed.
I have become numb to the constant level of irony from the left, so I donít even notice irony any more. As they say, there is a point where a person becomes hardened and detached from the subject. They set up mental roadblocks to keep their sanity. And the responses become second nature, and automatic. Like a person does in war, so does he in normal every day life.
A Vietcong makes a run on your base, and as they leave the area, you take as many out as possible, you just canít let them make an attack without making them pay the price. You donít take into consideration that you are killing a fleeing man, the amount of damage they actually done, or why you need to kill that person, you just do it.
When you see an attack on what you hold dear, or what you respect, no mater how ill conceived the attack, or how badly it actually hurts your position, you just have to take out as many of the enemyís points as possible. It doesnít matter if it looks like itís already going down in flames, or if the original attacker is running for his life, you canít let him get away without paying the price.
I am not affiliated with any party, nor any group related to any election.
I am just a normal person that is tortured by the media like everyone else, and I am just sick and tired of it.
Basically like another poster said, Not funny.
you are a blithering idiot. But I feel good about you, knowing that you can be an idiot in this country, without people ending it for you. You can speak your mind anyway. Still...it does not matter....you are an idiot. This is the greatest nation ever to exist.....you know it, I know it. that is something I hope we agree on.
"They set up mental roadblocks to keep their sanity."
If only we set up mental roadblocks to our keyboards as well, alas and alack!!!
Congrats on hitting the big time, Treacher. Does this mean Puce is going to get a gig writing for the New York Times?
"Does this mean Puce is going to get a gig writing for the New York Times?"
Yes, I believe he's going to take over Maureen Dowd's column.
This is a nice Present for George. Last day till he is voted out of office and all.
Okay, that does it dhinger!! Now you got your thing into some big Newspaper! I can tell its some kind of dhinger joke I'm not stupid. its not fair it relly makes me mad (!). Any more post's on dumb dhinger things and I'm going to relly troll here at your sight (!!!).
IRONY DIES AFTER PAINFUL STRUGGLE WITH COMMENTS SECTION
AP - New York, November 1.
Doctors today sadly announced that irony expired after a long, painful struggle with the humor-impaired. Irony passed away in the pages of the online Wall Street Journal and a blog located at jim.treacher.com. Irony was 59.
Irony has had many near-death experiences in the past, with many anticipating its end after the release of a misrepresentative Alanis Morrisette song, as well as in the days after September 11. However, irony has proved to be a resilient survivor, and was able to maker it through those experiences relatively unscathed (but not without giving rise to the "Black Fly in Your Chardonnay" trend). However, the piling-on of the humor-impaired today proved to be too much for the struggling concept.
Irony is survived by its half-brother, sarcasm, and its estranged cousin, earnestness. Memorial services will not be held. Donations in memory of irony can be made by clicking on the Paypal button at the top right.
Dhinger that one guy a few post's up nailed it. Alot of his post was confusing (okay, skimmed alot of it) but anyways, he's right. Money quote: "Not funny."
I see you up there too Sortelli (dhinger too).
I can see from these letters that many, maybe thousands, have taken you seriously. But I have faith in the Wall Street Journal they wouldn't let someone THAT STUPID write a column for their paper, so took it as satire. Good writing, creative thoughts and I'm sure these points will show up somewhere as facts.
I also thought this language from the Wall Street JOurnal site was sort of a subtle hint:
"Editor's note: This is a satire of the Angry Left. Please do not take it seriously."
Who knew Jim Treacher came with his own warning label?
I personally find this kind of humor hilarious. Abu Gharib, woo boy, don't get me started. Fashion nightmare? You might even call it a crime against humanity, ha ha! Have you guys seen Treacher's impression of a US soldier paralyzed for life by an Iraqi insurgent's bullet? It's funnier than President Bush's "Where are those weapons of mass destruction?" bit. But, seriously, there are so many funnier things to laugh at other than the deceased Christopher Reeve ("Superman, more like Wheelchairman, ha ha!") and the deaths of thousands of Iraqi civilians ("This will teach you to comply with the UN!"). How about Iraqi orphans? Or stop-gapped American soldiers (Where do they think THEY'RE going?? ha ha!).
I'm looking forward to Treacher's upcoming situation comedy where he moves to small-town America to run a wacky draft-board.
Cody naled it. (MOney quote: "President Bush's bit".) Their total DHINGER'S. it's not funny. Bush decided to draft all are solders and kill children for no reason. It was Saddam's country. Children were playing there but now? Not EVEN. Its a total mess by the neocon's. Like Carter said (Nobel prise) you don't hit or fight when somebody (okay Sadam wasn't so nice, but) is mean you try to be more understanding. Carter sure tore a new one out of George Washington (dhinger, doesn't understand DONT KILL is like a RULE, HELLO?) last week. LOL! It's the same with these dhinger's.
Dhinger's. Total dhinger's, is what they are.
Hmmm. Interesting, if not informed. How's the koolaid?
>"Does this mean Puce is going to get a gig writing for the New York Times?"
>Yes, I believe he's going to take over Maureen Dowd's column.
Oh, the NYT is trading up, I see...
If you read it out loud in a high-pitched shriek you could get a job on Air America Radio.
Jim, the article was terrific! I loved it. Some of these comments, though, remind me of the eight or nine hours I spent at a web forum about a month ago where Bush vs Kerry was the issue. I only intended to drop by to observe, actually, but it became somewhat morbidly fascinating. So much hard-bound ideology and so little humor. Yikes!
Keep it up. Puce is okay? Odd he didn't get the prize.
10 REASONS WHY BUSH SHOULDNT BE PRESIDENT:
10. JUST BECAUSE HIS DAD WAS PRESIDENT DOESN'T MEAN GW SHOULD BE!
9. WHY IS AN ALCOHOLIC OUR PRESIDENT?
8. WHY ARE HIS WHORISH DAUGHTERS SO NAIVE?
7. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HIM SPEAK? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS SAYING.
6. WHY DO YOU WANT SOMEONE THAT SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME IN HIS HICK TOWN IN TEXAS?
5. HE WANTS TO BE THE NEXT HITLER!! OVERTAKE OUR COUNTRY!
4. HE IS DUMB! DID I MENTION THAT?
3. WHERE ARE THE MISSING FLORIDA VOTES?
2. WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS OF "MASS DESTRUCTION?" IN SADAM'S ASSHOLE?
1. DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS SO CALLED "LEADER" KILLING INNOCENT KIDS IN IRAQ, AND OUR TROOPS, WHEN HE DOESN'T SEND HIS OWN DAUGHTERS!
**VOTING FOR BUSH=4 YEARS OF MISERY---UNITED STATES WILL BECOME A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY!