December 28, 2004
Posted by Jim Treacher at December 28, 2004 08:08 PM
The "money shot," as it were:
"unlike your vagina"
Yep, that was totally the money shot. I snorted.
Jim Treacher is a sick, funny bastard (you're welcome, Jim). But did anyone else get a Stretch Armstrong as a kid? ONE DAY (less than that, actually) before we cut that sucker open to see what was inside.
It doesn't stretch nearly as far once the red goo comes out. We didn't buy another, because it was such a lame toy.
I wish I had friends like Jim's cranky-homo-basher-girl when I was a young lad. That hot Dutch-Boy haircut, mmmmmmmm....
For some reason, my favorite part is "I wuv me."
Who was the green lizard nemesis of Stretch? I think Kenner made him green and reptilian so they wouldn't have to make any more of those ridiculous wrestling tights in size XXXXS.
And the procedure for getting the goo out was to have two kids pull Stretch out, while a third kid used mom's good sewing scissors to cut through the leg or arm. FYI: It's especially important not to clean the scissors before putting them back in the sewing cabinet, as there's nothing more exciting that your friends getting hell because their mom's $20 scissors have crap all over them.
> jon at December 29, 2004 08:00 AM
I think the monster was simply "Stretch Monster." And there was also, I believe, "Ollie the Octopus."
Not that I would know about that or anything. I was way too old to be caught playing, uh, I mean play, with those.
On a similar note. Did you ever open one up? We had the green lizard guy. The stretch goo is purple. It tastes like taffy or gooey hard candy.
[It tastes like taffy or gooey hard candy.]
This has to be the only blog in the world on which someone would feel comfortable admitting to eating the innards of Stretch Armstrong's nemesis.
Or so I do fondly hope.
Just be happy it ends with oral consumption. I imagine there are many blogs where it goes much, much further, where there is much, much unnecessary detail, and the comments don't only laud such behavior, but encourage it for others. And no, I won't share my passwords.
I had children pull me and look what happened
I got one when I was eight. I didn't cut an arm or a leg off--I dissected Stretch using the "real scapel", a cutting board, and stick pins in the biology kit I got for the same Christmas. Then I examined the goo under the microscope I got that year too. Then I also cut open the legs of the Barbi that bent at the knee--and opened up the beanbag chair too. After that, my mom gave up and just gave me science kits and stuff like the "Invisible Man", "Invisible Head", etc...of course, she didn't realize those had to be put together first. She thought I could just look inside and not cut things up so much. Poor Mom.
Please tell us you went into the medical field and not into serial killing.
No, not the medical field. I have a degree in Economics (emphasis on hard math end). Almost as bad as a serial killer, to hear some folks. ;)