That's what the AP's excuse should be for what nobody is calling Hasbrogate. What headlines can you think of?
Posted by Jim Treacher at February 2, 2005 06:34 AM"How Can a Jihadist Make it in the New Iraq? One word: Plastic"
Posted by: jon at February 2, 2005 07:48 AM"Stingy Bush Forces Understrength Military To Field Toy Soldiers"
Posted by: The Sanity Inspector at February 2, 2005 07:54 AM"In the chaotic quagmire of Iraq, even the children's toys aren't safe"
Posted by: Joey at February 2, 2005 08:08 AMCNN: "So-called U.S. hostage appears to be toy"
Reuters: "So called toy appears to be hostage.
'Barbie Next!' explain freedom fighters"
This smells like a psy-ops move to make the bad guys look foolish.
BTW, I used to take the head(s) off of my old G.I. Joe action figure(s). I have never considered myself to have anything in common with the jihadists - until now, where we both look like foolish juveniles.
Posted by: stereg at February 2, 2005 08:17 AM"Plastic GIs demand uparmored Barbie Corvettes for high-speed interdiction missions; Rumsfeld scoffs"
Posted by: Rob at February 2, 2005 08:28 AM"Bush Fails To Visit Distraught Child Owner Of Purloined Action Figure"
Posted by: Hubris at February 2, 2005 09:03 AMAl Mujahedeen Brigade Dolls Up Captive for Photo
Posted by: Steve at February 2, 2005 09:13 AMGuardian: "US Soldiers Not Anatomically Correct!"
Posted by: Tim at February 2, 2005 12:24 PMOh Damn, Tim, that was good!
Posted by: Steve at February 2, 2005 06:33 PMhttp://www.savecody.com/ was registered on the same day as the story, which has gave me high hopes that it might become an excellent parody site. However, it was apparently registered by a Brit, so I'm now 80% certain it was just some spoilsport snatching it up before someone with a funny bone could make use of it. Dammit.
Posted by: Jason at February 2, 2005 10:24 PM"GI Joke is on us"
OR
"Dollivered from Axis of Evil"
OR
"Terrorists Clutched in the Kung Fu Grip of Freedom"
OR
"Jihadists Throw Another Failure on the Barbie"
OR
"Suckered and Biased Press shows Terrorist 'Codypendence'"
Ok, I'm done.
Posted by: Hale at February 3, 2005 04:28 AM"Jihadists vow to leave Cody in the backyard to slowly fade over the next three decades."
"Sign behind doll actually reads: Call our toll free number for really tiny calligraphy work."
Posted by: Reid at February 3, 2005 06:16 PM"The Story of Cody: How my pathetic plastic life made being a POW more enjoyable"
or
"P.T. Barnum's axiom "A suckers born every minute" to "a reporter for the MSN is suckered by terrorists every second".
And damn, are we going to have to send in a rescue mission for Barbi? She looks like sh*t in a burka.
Posted by: kschlenker at February 4, 2005 12:52 AM---BUNNYPANTS WEARS THE CROWN--
Kerry took a dive in the election race…
now i've got egg on my face…
bushpussy cheated like we knew he would…
our pseudo-democracy appears to be gone for good…
i got drawn in, i even cared…
kerry quit, didn't care if the race was declared…
both were cousins, and were skull and bones…
america collapses, world calls in its loans…
the grand result of a well thought out plan…
manipulate the masses, they all pay the Man…
one world currency, one world police…
micro-chipped population, all freedoms cease…
manipulate the dummies, divide and rule…
dumb down the masses, don't fund the schools…
propaganda is the news and up is down…
democracy's in the past, bunnypants wears the crown…
history repeats itself, the masses never learn…
salem witch trials are coming back, they want everyone to burn…
low-lifes and lizards fight over the spoils of pimping the fear…
we evolve out of their dimension and into the clear…
george bushpussy couldn't finish hitler's poop…
c'mere judith miller, i've got your scoop…
half-wits, nitwits, dipshits and dumb twits…
lizards, politicians and bankers can eat shit…
we're not afraid, we poop out our fear…
the love vibration scares them just like a mirror…
they're on the wrong side of history, it's the evolution of the soul…
these scum can't touch us now even with a ten foot pole…
good riddance lizards, and cRapture heads...
go shape-shift back to your cages before your skin all sheds…
the truth comes out via the internets…
you rule us no more, you become our pets.
== LOVE reduces fear to nothing… LOVE is a stronger vibration…
This is an actual fact... Hate is merely fear of the unknown…
Therefore, with fear eliminated, hate vanishes. ===
what. the. hell.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 4, 2005 09:13 AMWhat's really scary is that someone deliberately typed that in, previewed it, and submitted it.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 4, 2005 09:14 AMRoses are red
Violets are blue
Stop taking your meds
And this happens to you
Watch out, Stretch Armstrong, you're next...
Posted by: Tongueboy at February 4, 2005 11:43 AMSorry, but Ott already beat me to it, "Captive U.S. Soldier Doll Rescued by Bush Doll."
In other news...
"LOVE reduces fear to nothing… LOVE is a stronger vibration…
This is an actual fact... Hate is merely fear of the unknown…
Therefore, with fear eliminated, hate vanishes."
This is empirically untrue. You KNOW that Bush won the election; you KNOW what he has announced as his second term agenda; yet you HATE Bush.
Landru welcomes you, brother. Be one with the Body.
Posted by: Beryl Gray at February 4, 2005 01:37 PMFolks, Jim Morrison is no longer the worst poet in history.
Posted by: Patrick Banks at February 4, 2005 06:13 PMNot to worry Andrea. The rhyme is poor, and the meter is worse. Much worse. (Actually, I'm not sure it has meter.) The thing just flat out doesn't *scan* y'know.
Oh? - Message? ...Sorry, I missed that bit. Was there one, then?
Posted by: brandon davis at February 5, 2005 03:13 AMI kinda liked the "poem". In an I'm-skipping-ahead-and-know-it's-complete-bullshit kind of way. Why doesn't someone send that to Dear Abby? That old dead bitty will publish anything.
Posted by: jon at February 6, 2005 04:36 PMWe're not afraid, we poop out our fear!
Posted by: Sortelli at February 6, 2005 06:40 PMIn other news, police are investigating the murder-suicide between Ken and Barbie, after a dispute over who got the Malibu dreamhouse in the divorce proceedings. Ken had reportedly been suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after serving in the Middle East, or as dolls in service had come to call it, "Georgie's Sandbox."
Posted by: PokerGeek at February 7, 2005 04:38 AMSee what happens when you feed soldiers plastic turkey!
Posted by: lewisinnyc at February 7, 2005 06:48 PMI kinda liked mine: Zarqawi quits al Qaeda, joins C.O.B.R.A.
Posted by: Confederate Yankee at February 8, 2005 01:56 PMI have a question. Did Islamic's really post this? Or was it just some stupid kid or what?
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 8, 2005 08:42 PM