March 15, 2005

When You CAIR Enough to Condescend the Very Best

So Jack Bauer takes shelter in a conveniently located gun shop run by a pair of brave, earnest young gentlemen of non-specific Middle Eastern descent. Their dialogue is... well, the writers don't actually put this phrase in their mouths: "We're not all like that crazy Arab lady you yelled at a couple hours ago!" But they might as well have.

Which is all fine, but I'm trying to remember if this has happened in past seasons. Did Bauer run into any kindly, helpful Eastern Europeans who made him realize that Dennis Hopper with a bad beard and worse accent doesn't represent them all?

P.S. I'm starting to think 24 stands for the number of people in Southern California who haven't been tortured on the show.

Posted by Jim Treacher at March 15, 2005 10:08 AM

I'm telling you, stay away from that Bauer guy, he's trouble.

Posted by: Rob at March 15, 2005 12:03 PM

Slavs don't have the connection CAIR does.
Plus, they don't issue Fatwahs (sic?).

Posted by: Half Canadian at March 15, 2005 01:11 PM

Yes, many fatwas are indeed very sick.

Posted by: Bob Pence at March 15, 2005 04:05 PM

I think it's more notable for being one of the few instances where someone has to trust him, and Jack actually *does* have some time to explain.

I thought 24 stood for the number of times Paul gets tortured this season. I predict that in the next episode Paul will die, be revived, and then tortured.

Posted by: dorkafork at March 15, 2005 08:47 PM

At the risk of sounding like a PC scold, has anyone else noticed the relative paucity of positive, likeable female roles on the show? This season, even Michelle is something of a bitch. This is particularly true of women of color, I've noticed, starting in season one, when that dark-skinned girl whose name escapes me, was found to be a mole and wacked herself in the interrogation room. I'm surprised NOW isn't protesting the show rather than CAIR. I guess they just don't watch it. That's probably a good thing.

Posted by: Cynical Nation at March 16, 2005 07:09 AM

It's hilarious that, now the 4th season of this gov't-vs.-terrorist show has rolled around and only now have Islamic terrorists been introduced, CAIR pretends there's something uniquely horrible about the treatment that Islamic terrorists are getting. Grab some popcorn, dudes, you're totally missing the point!

Posted by: Brian Jones at March 16, 2005 11:11 AM

I thought those guys were pretty sweet, although when Bauer orignally enters the store I thought he would end up torturing both of them. Oh well; you can't always get what you want.

Posted by: carl at March 16, 2005 12:10 PM

There were Islamic terrorists in the second season.

Posted by: MD2020 at March 16, 2005 04:08 PM

"Say hello to the night! Lost in the Sha-a-dows!"

Posted by: wok at March 18, 2005 09:00 PM

Jebus, doesn't anybody ever listen to me? As I foretold in January (

"A moron can see where this plot is going: The so-called "Muslim" terrorists will turn out to be Presbyterians, who are actually working for Hillabortun, the evil multinational company controlled by the Secretary of Defense. He has staged his own "kidnapping" in an elaborate plot to stage a coup/scrap the Constitution/raise oil prices. The world is saved thanks to Bauer, with assists from the "terrorist" kid (who, in a plot twist, coverts to real Islam after ratting on his fake-Muslim treasonous parents), and SecDef's illegally tortured hippie son.

Posted by: iowahawk at March 19, 2005 06:54 AM

Oh, yeah, thanks MD2020 for that reminder. Since the Islamic angle lasted about 1.5 episodes and their ringleader was an American blonde hentai it kind of slipped my mind.

I had hopes of seeing Marie again last season but have pretty much given that up now. Although the way they're piecing out the intros of last year's characters, I now realize it won't be long before we see Sherry Palmer in Christopher Pike drag.

Posted by: Brian Jones at March 21, 2005 12:26 PM

Not to mention that the show ended up being the exciting adventures of Jack saving a handful of muslim nations from the mean VP and evil industrialists. And, yeah, the pretty, slim, very white and blonde jihadist threw it off too.

Posted by: David Scott at March 22, 2005 06:22 PM

"and SecDef's illegally tortured hippie son."

Even for a show like 24, that regularly stretches the boundaries of believability, it is going to be tough to sell the audience on hippie torture being illegal.

Posted by: Buckley F. Williams at March 22, 2005 06:36 PM

I'm still waiting for Bauer to drop the classic Halo one liner:

"Get up you bastard, so I can kill you again."

And as for hippie torture, I'm sure that the fact that a dime bag only holds a finite amount of reefer is torture enough.

Posted by: Al Maviva at March 28, 2005 02:31 PM