March 29, 2005

If the tumor grows, you must decompose

Sorry. That's not very nice, is it? Okay, so let's have yours.

Posted by Jim Treacher at March 29, 2005 07:17 PM

"If the cancer spread, put him to bed....."

Yes, I already have a room reserved for me in hell. Next to the guy that wrote the fake Terry Schiavo blog. At least I'll have plenty of company.

Posted by: Tman at March 29, 2005 07:33 PM

Has he really died?
Appeal denied.

Posted by: jon at March 29, 2005 08:04 PM

A bit long, but...

The men in white coats just don't have a clue,
OJ did me, and he's off to do you!

Posted by: Jason at March 29, 2005 08:44 PM

If the brain does hurt,
Get in the dirt.

Posted by: Bob Shapiro at March 29, 2005 08:51 PM

The doctors concur,
You must inter.

Posted by: Bob Shapiro at March 29, 2005 08:52 PM

"You can't spell 'malignant' without N-I-G, which proves my tumor was racist. I rest my case. Permanently."

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at March 29, 2005 09:14 PM

When the head stops hurtin'
Death is certain

Posted by: jon at March 29, 2005 10:22 PM

"My tumor is named Chewbacca. Look at me, I'm a lawyer fightig a brain tumor, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in your living room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives in my brain, then I will eat beans! The defense rests."

Posted by: JimK at March 29, 2005 10:27 PM

If the laywer's calm
You must embalm.

Okay okay, I haven't had coffe yet, whaddaya expect?

Posted by: Cynical Nation at March 30, 2005 06:44 AM

Who told him to use the balm?

Posted by: Rob at March 30, 2005 08:11 AM

Old time reader, but I guess I'll be moving on. Dying of a brain tumor isn't funny, my 10 yr old son is dying of a brain tumor right now.

Think I'm kidding, read his story at my website.

Humor sometimes needs to push limits, but it fails when it breaks them. Sorry if I sound a bit rough, but things are tough at my home.

Posted by: David at March 30, 2005 08:43 AM

Well David, I hazard a guess to think just about everyone here will agree that:

1. Your son's tumor is an abomination of nature that neither God nor Man should address without Pity and Compassionate Sympathy, and

2. Johnny Cochran's tumor is utterly hilarious and well deserved in every respect save that it doesn't seem violent or painful enough, not that we'd know.

See, 'cause your son is just a sweet kid who should run and jump and play whereas monsieur Cochran is an evil shit that one must not acquit. Other than the type of disease they inherited from a pitiless and horrific universe, I see absolutely nothing similar to your son (peace be upon him) and that living cockroach.

Posted by: James Versluys at March 30, 2005 08:59 AM

You make a good point.

Posted by: David at March 30, 2005 09:20 AM

If the tumor kills a dick,
the schadenfreude comes quick.

Posted by: COOP at March 30, 2005 03:24 PM

I agree with david, laughing about cancer isn't on. Cochran was a piece of shit (may he rest in peace) but there are limits. Yeah I sound self-righteous but I don't care. Not funny.

Try reading this, (actually once you start, try to STOP reading it) a genuine, slow motion horror story

Posted by: Amos at March 30, 2005 05:03 PM

You're right, you do sound self-righteous. We're not laughing about cancer, we're laughing about Johnny Cochran.

David gets a pass in not seeing that logic because he's a parent and thus allowed to act irrationally regarding bad taste humor or rain storms or his kid's baseball glove or anything else that reminds him of it and we have to quietly and carefully allow it, but those exceptions aside we're allowed gallow's humor.

Holy crap that sentence had 55 words in it. If I get any worse I'm going to be forced to teach a creative writing course at Yale by gunpoint.

Posted by: James Versluys at March 30, 2005 05:49 PM

If Johnnie Cochran died in a car crash and somebody said "If the brakes don't work, you go in the dirt," and it turned out that somebody I loved died in a car crash, and I whined about it, how hard would I need to be slapped?

Posted by: kl at March 30, 2005 05:59 PM

I have to agree - this really isn't humor material. Believe me, I have as much distaste for Cochran, OJ, and the rest of that scene as anyone else, but I think it shows an utter lack of humanity to make jokes about a man's death - and then to try to split hairs as to why we're all so clever and funny to the parents of a young boy dying of the same disease. ("Oh, but of course, we feel compassion and sympathy for the boy and your family - don't you get it?? He didn't DESERVE it like Cochran did. Never mind all the decomposing jokes we made - not that you think about that every night when you lay awake in bed.")

I wonder how many of the life-lovers here would appreciate a good Terri Shiavo joke. Let's make some rhymes about her. I'll start:

If your mouth can't chew,
fuck you.

Damn, that's funny.

Treacher - this is pretty pathetic.

Posted by: Darcyman at March 30, 2005 08:57 PM

Here's a one about 911 jumpers "If it gets too hot where you sat, you must go splat!" Ha ha! I'm dyin' here!

Posted by: Amos at March 30, 2005 09:52 PM

"Here's a one about 911 jumpers 'If it gets too hot where you sat, you must go splat!' Ha ha! I'm dyin' here!"

But see, that would only make sense if Cochran, or somebody equally famous for dopey rhymes, died on 9/11. That's the whole premise of the joke, his (in)famous rhymes. Like if he'd died by drowning, you'd say, "When I bob in the drink, my bod starts to stink!" Something better than that, of course, but you get the idea.

Good effort, though.

Posted by: kl at March 30, 2005 10:18 PM

thanks for the link.

The first in the series is

condolences. If there's anything you think your son would like from Oz, let me know via private e-mail.

Posted by: aebrain at March 30, 2005 10:24 PM

I've had this discussion befor, once with people laughing over snuff footage shot by chechnian rebels of them cutting some young russian conscript's throat. I got the crap spouted at me about 'gallows humour' etc, I don't care, not funny. It's about having some respect, and some class.

If you don't get it fine, I'm not wasting my breath explaining it further. After all, there's no law against being an asshole.

Posted by: Amos at March 30, 2005 11:49 PM

Compare it to snuff, leave in a huff!

Posted by: kl at March 30, 2005 11:58 PM

This thread raises some important points. Clearly, all humour should be run past anyone who might be offended before being published. Religious groups of all denominations and creeds. Political parties. NGOs and so on will be entitled to vet purportedly humorous material for unacceptable concepts etc.
Only then will we all be assured that the humour on offer is free of offensive content and thus fit for consumption by adults.

Posted by: My Cat Died. No jokes about dead cats please! at April 1, 2005 03:07 AM

My apologies to the offended here, but this was quite funny. As for death and the evil that brings it, the old thought that "the devil cannot stand to be mocked" applies. That's the point of gallows humour, I believe.

Cochrane deserves to be mocked because he did something quite evil. Personal sore points should stay personal. Without humor, the only appropriate reaction to a world filled with such grievous suffering is suicide.

Posted by: Pogo at April 1, 2005 07:15 AM

Goddamn right it was funny. As Twain said, the secret to humor isn't joy, it's horror.

Posted by: James Versluys at April 1, 2005 01:29 PM

Amos, or anyone: what happend to pred? I guess he died shortly after his last post... His story was deeply moving. I'm his age and can't imagine what I would feel if it happened to me.

No, dying of cancer is not funny at any age and being a Brit, I can't quite see why people are happy about JC dying this way.

Posted by: JamesB at April 2, 2005 05:58 AM

The Brit doesn't understand why anybody would make sick jokes about death. How about that.

Posted by: kl at April 2, 2005 07:47 AM

Untie your fucking panties, Amos, from my experience you'd have laughed at this if Cochran was FRENCH.

I still would have too, for that matter. Don't deny us our funny now. Please return your high horse to its previous position.

Posted by: Sortelli at April 2, 2005 07:54 PM

Odd, Brits are usually very Waugh-esque about evil humor. Ah well, it proves there are prudes everywhere.

Posted by: James Versluys at April 3, 2005 04:21 PM

Step One: Someone (vaguely infamous) becomes known for rhymed couplets.

Step Two: That person dies. In a not-so-ordinary way.

Step Three: People make humorous rhymed couplets to commemorate the death.

Step Four: Some other people don't find that very funny, citing many personal or ethical bases.

Step Five: We all shrug, and go on with our lives.

Posted by: jon at April 3, 2005 05:28 PM

JamesB : Yes, 4 days after his last blog entry.

Posted by: aebrain at April 5, 2005 04:31 AM

Wow... I appear to have generated much controversy.

I have NO idea how I feel (in general) about when humor goes t0o far about something which is offensive. I *do* know a couple of things.

Offensive is less bothersome to me than painful. I mean, you can mock me because I'm fat (or even bash my politics or religion). I think people hung up on such probably should be hung up themselves.

But laughing at someone else's suffering is probably a good bright line rule to call it quits.

I know I was upset when the Onion (online fake-humor newspaper) ran a story the day after Weird Al Yankovich's parents tragic death about how he wrote a song to honor them (the lyrics mocked how they died). That's just not funny to me.

I'm sorry if I'm sort of coping out here. The "I know it's too far when I see it's too far" is weak rhetortic, but I do honestly try to give a wide road for as much as possible. I'm not looking to be offended.

Honestly not mad at anyone here. Big fan of the site. :-)

If you do want to know about my son and his story...

Posted by: David at April 5, 2005 07:58 PM

This entire blog reflects the state of mind of the average ignorant person. Johnny Cochran's death had nothing to do with the OJ Simpson trial. It was his destiny, as all of you will die when it's your time. The world isn't designed in a way where people are punished for whatever sins they've committed perceived or actual.

The Bible says that vengeance belongs to God. No man, or corny jokes can change that away.

If OJ Simpson had killed his black wife, there would be no jokes about Johnny Cochran's death. Because then no one would care.

Posted by: Justice at April 6, 2005 09:18 AM