April 22, 2006

And the sequel, Draining Sulu's Phaser

In honor of the news about the new Star Trek prequel with Kirk and Spock as strapping young men, I thought I'd dig up a tidbit from my fanfic days. J.J. Abrams, eat your heart out!

The young Vulcan walked into the door of the Starfleet Academy dorm where he was staying. It went "whoosh." He walked in with his pointy ears and carrying a future-type duffle bag of Vulcan belongings.

"Hello," his roommate said, the roommate being young James Tiberius Kirk. "I'm Jim. Who are you?"

"My name is Spock," said Spock.

"Of the Connecticut Spocks?", Kirk said impishly. The youthful Spock just moved his yellow-green forehead in puzzlishness.

"Just kidding! I get the top bunk."

Spock frowned and uttered, "Logic dictates that as the taller organism, I should receive the sleeping quarters of higher elevation."

"I'll wrestle ya for it!", Kirk bellowed playfully, lunging at Spock's slender midsection. Spock placed his fingers on Kirk's shoulder for the famous Vulcan Nerve Pinch, but reconsidered and allowed Kirk to take him to the floor.

"Give up?", Kirk inquired, breathing heavily over the logical alien. Their eyes locked up like an ancient Earth car that wouldn't start, the opposite of their hearts, which wouldn't stop.

"On the contrary, my new human friend. I do not give up, but rather... what is the expression... give in."

"Yee-ha," whispered the young Iowa boy and future starship captain, licking and lowering his lusty lips...

That's as far as I got with my tender sci-fi/romance InterNovel, Starfleet Heartbeat, or, Kirk and Spock Fuck All Night. Stupid Paramount cease-and-desist!

(You think I'm kidding? People really do write this stuff.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at April 22, 2006 01:35 PM