September 17, 2006

Pope: "Islam Can Suck It"

likeyoujustdontcare.jpgROME -- In a televised statement this morning, Pope Benedict XVI lashed out at critics of his earlier comments on Muslims, referring to said critics as a "pack of crybaby snake-charmers" and recommending they perform various humanly impossible feats of flexibility and colonic accommodation.

"Fuck you," he added.

"Why don't you have a seat on my pointy-ass hat," continued the Bishop of Rome. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Abdul? We all know how you camel-jockeys swing, out there in the desert. Yeah, those long cold lonely nights out among the dunes. You bunch of faggots. We [Catholics] might fuck little kids, but at least we don't strap bombs on them when we're done and drop them off at the bagel shop. Sure, we treat our women like shit, but if we made them all dress like fat ninjas, there wouldn't be a single full pew in the whole fucking world. I mean, it's 2006, how do you assholes get away with it? That part I kind of admire, actually. Jesus H. Christ, this stuff is good."

After pausing to drink deeply from a bejeweled chalice, His Holiness then closed his statement with, "I got your Allah right here," emphasizing his point by tugging sharply through his robes at his own scrotum.

"Pope out."

(Previous "racism.")

Posted by Jim Treacher at September 17, 2006 07:01 AM
Comments

You are a bad, bad man. ;-)

Posted by: Dean Esmay at September 17, 2006 12:39 AM

You are SO screwed. Mother Superior and 'a few of the girls' are on their way to 'have a quiet word' with you. They have baseball bats.

Know a good plastic surgeon?

MarkL
Canberra

PS, if you want to have some fun, wander over to the commie site at
http://www.leftwrites.net/2006/09/16/papal-bull/

and annoy the commies. I am. It's like clubbing baby seals.

Posted by: MarkL at September 17, 2006 12:54 AM

Go Benny!
You tell those camel-humpers where to jam it, man.

Posted by: SwinishCapitalist at September 17, 2006 02:01 AM

Go Benny!
You tell those camel-humpers where to jam it, man.

Posted by: SwinishCapitalist at September 17, 2006 02:02 AM

If he did that, I might consider staying in Christianity ;).

Posted by: Jolly Roger at September 17, 2006 02:07 AM

For all his faults, you make Micah Wright look like an honorable man.

Posted by: mikem at September 17, 2006 03:02 AM

LMAO!! Pure class, man. Pure class. :-D

Posted by: Mr Snuffalupagus at September 17, 2006 04:01 AM

After reading this item, all I can say is: have your way with me, Treacher. My maidenhood is yours.

Posted by: iowahawk at September 17, 2006 05:58 AM

::sigh::

If only 'twere true.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at September 17, 2006 08:34 AM

You're evil and I love you.

Posted by: Zelda at September 17, 2006 09:22 AM

My kinda pope.

Posted by: Aaron's cc: at September 17, 2006 10:04 AM

pope be ready for hell fire you gonna burn in there forever...

Posted by: sophia at September 17, 2006 11:26 AM

Was he serious about the pointy hat offer? If so, please give him my email address.

Thanks!

Oh, and Death to America(tm).

Posted by: Abdul at September 17, 2006 01:09 PM

"And you Presbyterians better watch your asses too!"

Posted by: mojo at September 17, 2006 01:17 PM

I would have read this 10 seconds earlier had you posted it at Blowing Smoke.

Go figure.

Posted by: P K at September 17, 2006 03:04 PM

I would have read this 10 seconds earlier had you posted it at Blowing Smoke.

Go figure.

Posted by: P K at September 17, 2006 03:04 PM

Totally awesome.

Posted by: lauraw at September 18, 2006 10:07 AM

I shudder to think this might be mistaken for a non-satirical report and reprinted in Arabic...

Posted by: John Tabin at September 18, 2006 10:33 AM

Here's my satirical take on the whole issue:
http://dabalogh.blogspot.com/2006/09/buddhist-violence-continues-for-fourth.html

Posted by: Dan at September 18, 2006 11:19 AM

Treacher--

Yes I did click through to the link before I made the "sarcasm" comment at BuzzMachine...but I could not tell if you were ridiculing the Pope or his Moslem critics.

Cheers, Tyndall

Posted by: Andrew Tyndall at September 18, 2006 04:21 PM

Mission accomplished!

Posted by: JT at September 18, 2006 04:27 PM

No truer words havr been spoken!!, I wish someone in public office had the nuts to tell the ISLAMOFASCISTS what dorks they are.
They're just pissed no network will run
BURKA BAYWATCH
cheers

Posted by: BadassAlter boy at September 18, 2006 06:23 PM

Jim,

I hope you don't mind, I couldn't resist using this (slightly modified) as a monologue on Shire Network News (you can find links from my url) in the latest edition "Podcast Bears Witness to Falsehood". You are, of course, fully credited.

Brian of London

Posted by: Brian of London at September 19, 2006 12:55 AM

This post is demeaning to ninjas. On Michael Dudikoff's behalf, I demand a retraction.

Posted by: WWB at September 19, 2006 12:42 PM

cool. Now if you could do one for WalMart.

Posted by: Vermont Neighbor at September 23, 2006 09:17 AM

Holy shit...this is quite the funny.

Posted by: Minus at September 23, 2006 08:25 PM