September 14, 2008

A Tale of Two Tinas

palinfey.jpgTina Fey on SNL, 2/23/08:

...We have our first serious female presidential candidate in Hillary Clinton. And yet, women have come so far as feminists that they don't feel obligated to vote for a candidate just because she's a woman. Women today feel perfectly free to make whatever choice Oprah tells them to.

Which raises the question: Why are people abandoning Hillary for Obama? Some say that they're put off by the fact that Hillary "can't control her husband," and that we would end up with "co-presidents." 'Cause that would be terrible. Having two intelligent, qualified people working together to solve problems? Yuck! Why would you let Starsky talk to Hutch? "I wanna watch that show Starsky!"

You know, what's it, America, what is it? Are you weirded out that they're married? 'Cause I can promise you, they are having exactly as much sex with each other as George Bush and Jeb Bush are.

Then there is the physical scrutiny of her physical appearance. Rush Limbaugh, the Jeff Conaway of right-wing radio, said that he doesn't think America is ready to watch their president "turn into an old lady in front of them." Really? They didn't seem to mind when Ronald Reagan did that!

Maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that: Jjyeah, she is! And so am I, and so is this one [indicates small blonde woman to her left]. You know what? Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and they sleep on cots and they're allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year, you hated those bitches... but you knew the capital of Vermont.

So I'm saying, it's not too late, Texas and Ohio! Get on board! Bitch is the new black!

Tina Fey on SNL, 9/13/08:

Hiyyy, Iyyy'm Sarah Payyylin! How's it goin', eh? Iyyy don't knoh nuthin'. Iyyy burn books and Iyyy hate furrners and Iyyy think a diyyynosaur bit off John the Baptist's head, and other stuff ya read on the Daily Kos, yah. Iyyy'm so dumb, Iyyy didn't even knoh what Chyarlie Giyyybson was talkin' aboot... yah knoh, that one thing even he couldn't properly defiyyyne.

Iyyy haven't been through all the triyyyals and triyyybulations Hillary has, stayin' with Biyyyll so she can riyyyde his coaht-taiyyyls. Iyyy just raiyyysed a family of fiyyyve while becomin' gohvernohr of a stayyyte and cleanin' up my own pahrtyyy. You betcha, yah. Doyyyyyyy!

Apparently it's good to be a bitch... unless the bitch is better-looking than you. Well, okay, I'm sure the looming threat to Fey's entire worldview also has something to do with her sudden repudiation of feminism.

Did love the Palin poses, though. Apparently Fey has been scrutinizing her physical appearance?

P.S. To Mr. Damon and the writing staff at SNL: Seriously, the "dinosaurs" thing comes from a blog joke. She did not actually say that. Please don't be so silly. (Unless you're trying to hurt Obama. In which case, feel free.) It was also debunked on CNN, which may be why you didn't hear about it.

P.P.S. A Palin campaign adviser says: "She thought it was quite funny, especially because the governor has dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween." That's right, guys, she's just a dumb sledneck with no media savvy whatsoever...

Posted by Jim Treacher at September 14, 2008 10:08 AM