October 07, 2008

McCain Refers to Obama as "My Opponent"

By Every Reporter Who Still Has a Job
Every Newspaper in America
Page 1 above the fold

John McCain.jpgMedia Bubble, Oct. 8 -- John McCain's bid for the Oval Office suffered another stunning blow yesterday when the Arizona senator referred to Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, as "my opponent." The campaign-shattering remark came during a vicious, Hitlerian speech before an audience of drooling right-wing drones in one of those states in the middle, possibly rectangular.

"I believe that we should do things one way," McSame sneered, his shrunken, twisted body and hideous visage producing overwhelming revulsion in all sane people who beheld him. "But my opponent feels we should do things a different way."

In a comment appearing simultaneously on every single blog, newspaper site, and message board on earth, a number of private individuals completely unattached to the Obama campaign replied: "On behalf of concerned Christian conservatives everywhere, this is the sort of eliminationist rhetoric we've come to expect from the evil, cancer-riddled liar John McPain. We get it, old man: Obama opposes you, therefore he must be destroyed. This sort of disgraceful hate-mongering might be a big hit at your next cross-burning, assuming you live that long, but America knows better. The NVA should have finished the job, you miserable piece of garbage."

McLame lashed out at this levelheaded appeal to reason, firing back that his detractors "have every right to their opinion" and "raise some concerns that, while I might take issue with how they're expressed, are worth considering." It is widely believed that McShame will have conceded the election by the time this story goes to press, hopefully followed by his gruesome death in a fire. Did I do good, Mr. Axelrod?

Oct. 10 update: Please note that I wrote this before all these stories about how "McCain and Palin are racist, fascist facistracists because some redneck who's never even heard of The New Yorker yelled something at one of their speeches." Can I call 'em or what?

Previously in the Media Bubble:

Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"
Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal

Posted by Jim Treacher at October 7, 2008 11:44 PM