March 01, 2009

If you're not following me on Twitter, here's some of what you're missing

Biden's first act as stimulus czar: Figuring out whether or not the "c" is silent.

***

Tonight on "24": Jack Bauer must drink 9 shots of Maker's Mark by 6 PM or the president will die. http://tinyurl.com/c9tdn6

***

Maybe we should send Rick Santelli to Gitmo. That would get Obama on his side.

***

Sounds like Jindal bombed, but at least it'll give Biden a good excuse for some funny 7/11 gags. 9:43 PM Feb 24th from web (Date and time given so I'm not accused of ripping off Limbaugh)

***

It's weird that Helen Thomas could be racist against people from India, considering she used to date Mahatma Ghandi.

***

Just talked to Helen Thomas. She was like, "Would Jindal try to put up a teepee on the White House lawn?" Didn't have the heart to tell her.

***

What would have a higher score: Stevie Wonder and Stephen Hawking playing soccer, or Helen Thomas and Joe Biden playing Scrabble?

***

Hey, when's Slate.com (that's the website number) going to start a "Bidenisms" column? Also, "Internets" = LOL, calling Iowa "Ottawa" = Shhh

***

Or was it calling Ottawa "Iowa"? I don't know, those white folks all look the same to me.

***

Almost 90% of home foreclosures are happening in CA, FL, NV, and AZ. Break out your checkbooks, you other 53 states! http://is.gd/kYZU

***

Biden haiku: "Stimulus package"/That's your mom's nickname for it/(Don't touch the hair, babe)

***

They'd better not impose the Fairness Doctrine on Twitter. Rebuttal: Twitter is unfair and should be subject to some sort of doctrine.

***

Remember when Kirk, Spock, and Bones started aging really fast? I liked that one. http://is.gd/l1sK BTW, have you seen Obama lately?

***

"Anybody got a dirty fish tank?" http://is.gd/l1Ug

***

The new voice of black America: http://is.gd/l7Ny

***

Garofaloku: Listen up, black folks/Failure to think like I do/Is just self-loathing

***

Note to Andrew Sullivan: Hurricanes have human names, but not human birth certificates. Happy hunting anyway.

***

Another Kanye West Storytellers outtake: "Hitler had some good ideas, y'all. And them outfits was TIGHT." http://is.gd/laLz

***

It would suck to be twins in the Colonial fleet. "You dirty Cylon!" Leave me alone, dude.

***

What, you think you can do better? Go ahead.

Posted by Jim Treacher at March 1, 2009 12:33 PM