***
@AlisonRosen "When did Janeane Garofalo turn into somebody who served me coffee in 1994?" (http://is.gd/lo8V) made me LOL and SMP.
***
I haven't seen a Dow this low since Eddie Haskell called Wally a real goon.
***
Just ordered a pizza with Chris Buckley. He asked for pineapple and triple anchovies, trusting that they'd top it with pepperoni instead.
***
David Brooks wakes from Matrix, calls for moderates to rise up: "Why are my muscles so weak?" "You've never used them." http://is.gd/lBUC
***
Now we know how Michelle O. got such great biceps: Slamming the door on low-income hospital patients. http://bit.ly/14nf7B
***
If Robert Gibbs was a spokesman for NASA, I'd start to question the moon landing.
***
I'm not a big Ann Coulter fan, but after she landed this kick, Olbermann was up on the roof looking for his balls: http://bit.ly/YOCOS
***
Look on the bright side, libs: Bush Sr. only PUKED all over another world leader. Obama one-upped him! Well, #2-upped. http://bit.ly/2m2o6
***
Dear UK: Now you know how WE feel. Maybe they just couldn't set up his tel-uh-prompter in time? http://bit.ly/vr5T1 Signed, The Other 48%
***
The Slap Chop and the Snuggie didn’t ship in time to give to Gordon, so Michelle printed the receipt and put it inside one of the DVD cases.
***
I'm glad they waited until now to knight Ted Kennedy, because all that armor would've made it tough to swim.
***