March 15, 2009

The Twit is hot tonight

Bill Clinton thinks embryos can be unfertilized. http://tr.im/hiCC His previous biology lesson: "Oh, Monica, that'll wash right out."

***

Mass walkouts during Watchmen? http://tr.im/hiHQ They're probably running out for some blueberry popsicles. (Joke stolen from @DougBenson.)

***

I don't get why Chas Freeman flopped. We've got a tax cheat running the IRS, so why not put a crazy person in charge of intelligence?

***

The 25 DVDs Obama gave Gordon Brown. http://tr.im/hjbq Too bad nobody's made a movie called "Rot in Hell, You Blind Limey."

***

Who knew Doug Ross's entire stay at County General was just casing the joint so he & 10-12 of his friends could heist the hospital pharmacy?

***

The worst economic crisis since the Depression isn't as bad as we think. http://is.gd/n69N Why do we think so? Well um HEY LOOK OVER THERE!

***

I've never cared much about Jim Cramer, but it's "funny" how he didn't become a problem for Jon Stewart until he became a problem for Obama.

***

It turns out that if you're put in charge of the IRS even after everybody finds out you're a tax cheat, nobody wants to work for you. Weird!

***

It's official: Twitter now rules my life. I blame @jackiedanicki. And social anxiety disorder.

***

"Niiiiice, yes? She make good wife, I sell her to you, yes?" http://tr.im/hlLB

***

Keith Olbermann breaks stories like he graduates from Ivy League schools:
http://tr.im/hnIN

***

Olbermann and Maddow, combined, manage to beat Fox's #6 by the population of a small town. Non-sexual victory hug! http://tr.im/hm7w

***

At first Obama said we were looking at economic catastrophe, but now he's downgraded it to kittenastrophe.

***

If the president is black and a person who's not black criticizes him, that's racism. Criticism of a white prez from non-whites is msicar.

***

@MKupperman "We all gotta go sometime," said lazy Louis Pasteur.

***

@MKupperman "Maybe next year," said lazy Christopher Columbus.

***

@MKupperman "Ehhhh, I'd just get it all over my pants," said lazy Picasso.

***

@MKupperman "I don't really have a problem with those folks," said lazy Hitler.

***

@MKupperman "And then what?" asked lazy Sir Edmund Hillary.

***

@MKupperman "I could always name a hospital after them," thought lazy Bruce Wayne.

***

@MKupperman "Back then things were pretty confusing," began lazy Charles Dickens.

***

I think my audiologist is going nuts. He kept talking about my "scented, nervous cistern."

***

Obama jokes that the GOP wants him to go to Brazil and get lost in the Amazon. Ouch, he'd really scratch up his ears. http://tr.im/hnMo

***

This Twit is the bomb!

Posted by Jim Treacher at March 15, 2009 12:40 AM