April 13, 2009

Follow me now

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I guess it makes sense that the Smoke Monster can be controlled with water. After 5 years, we finally know what the Island is: a giant bong.

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No, Obama is not Hitler. He's already inherited the Sudetenland.

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Leave it to a guy who thinks he walks on water to issue a jaywalking citation to pirates. http://tr.im/iEdG

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Relative of American politician suspected of sex attack: http://tr.im/iEmp Tyra Banks strangely uninterested.

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When somebody asks you why Obama's half-brother was refused entry into the UK, the proper response is, "Which half-brother?"

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Samson Obama is fittingly named: his most famous half-brother has the jawbone of an ass. But the only thing he kills with it is wealth.

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The last president's brother used to run a state. The current president's brother was run out of a country.

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It's common knowledge that polar bears are starving due to Bush. But who knew they were hungry enough to eat German food? http://tr.im/iEwk

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Yeah, it turns out you can't intimidate Somali hijackers with an attack ad. Feeding rumors about them to Kos won't cut it. http://tr.im/iEQo

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As inept and dishonest as this administration is, I find solace in the image of the beads of sweat hanging off David Axelrod's mustache.

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Jane Hamsher: Natural Born FAILer. http://tr.im/iF90

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Congrats to Capt. Phillips for staying strong, the Navy for saving him, and POTUS for peeking out from under his desk. http://tr.im/iGNc

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The surviving pirate is getting a trial? Too bad we're closing Gitmo. He'll probably be found Not Guilty by Reason of Wealth Redistribution.

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Next time they want to kidnap Americans, they'll know they have up to 5 days before we get serious. But hey, what could happen in 5 days?

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First order of business: Get this man a beer. The size of the Chrysler Building. http://tr.im/iH3a

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A pirate in an American jail. And not for putting unreleased movies on the Internet. Brave new world.

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Tonight on OZ: Pirate #4 meets his new cellmate, Samson Obama.

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So did he escape and they took advantage of it, or did they rescue him because Obama barked into a cellphone to Jack Bauer? Stay tuned.

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Taking a cue from Janet Napolitano, the U.S. Navy has renamed destroyers "rearrangers" and battleships "conflict-resolution floaty things."

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Can't wait until Meghan McCain goes on Oprah to promote her book, "A Million Little Concessions."

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LOL INTERNETS http://tr.im/iJwU At least he's talking about it now that it's politically safe. We need to do something about these privates.

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Twit for tw... oops!

Posted by Jim Treacher at April 13, 2009 11:02 AM