April 26, 2009

I write things on Twitter, and then I post them here because apparently they're not "good enough" for the New York Times

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Shep Smith making an ass of himself: Torture, comedy, or just another Wednesday? http://tr.im/jy1W

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"When he says he won't do something, it usually means he already has." http://tr.im/jy6M

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Liberals would be all in favor of waterboarding if Perez Hilton used it to force Carrie Prejean to advocate gay marriage.

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You know what? I get it. She's dumpy but she can sing. Apparently this is the first time such a thing has happened in human history.

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BREAKING: CIA Interrogation Memos Reveal KSM Was Routinely Seated on Foam Cushion, Not Satin Feather Pillow; Hearings Planned

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The deeply moral stance against waterboarding is: The U.S. has debased itself by frightening terrorists. Which used to be called "success."

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Thank goodness our wonderful new president is making America safe from terrorists again. Oops, I mean safe for terrorists: http://tr.im/jEg9

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Bawney Fwank is a pwevawicating scwap of excwement. http://tr.im/jFSa

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The way libs are reacting to the facts about waterboarding, http://tr.im/jHiC, you'd think we were using holy water and they got splashed.

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Who burns the candle on both sides? Hangs the moon, controls the tides? Who has no problem getting laid? The one & only: http://tr.im/jHXE

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Arthur Kade isn't breaking into the movies. The movies saw him coming and threw open the front door.

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Women find themselves drawn to Arthur Kade. Many a 7 has lain awake at night after meeting him, longing to gaze deeply into his nostrils.

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The CIA discontinued waterboarding when they realized detainees were much more compliant when promised autographed pictures of Arthur Kade.

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Late one night on a lonely road, I hit a dog with my car. I leapt out, bent over it, and whispered: "Arthur Kade." It still died. But happy.

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In 2007, a tortilla bearing the image of Arthur Kade sold for $25K on eBay. Three days later, the seller bought it back at twice the price.

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Sure, Arthur Kade is (in the words of the immortal Voltaire) a gay-ass douchebag who sucks. But I admire his state of total denial about it.

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Hey, maybe we'll finally get to see his medical records: http://tr.im/jKFN (Whoops! Does daring to say such a thing make me a "nirther"?)

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Just got back from Talladega. Can't seem to find my hat. I know I had it until that last lap...

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Tired of promo campaigns for CGI cartoons. As if "Bee Movie" wasn't bad enough, now I can't go anywhere without hearing about "Swine Fu."

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Obama was exposed to swine flu in Mexico City, but he bored it to death. All victims are being encouraged to watch his speech Wed. night.

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My Twitter page is http://twitter.com/JTlol and you can follow me if you want. Why wouldn't you want to? Are you trying to be a dick? You know what, just forget it.

Posted by Jim Treacher at April 26, 2009 07:29 PM