April 29, 2009

Get Your STORC On

Everybody remembers the late John Belushi's classic role as Bluto in Animal House, and his inspiring speech to the Deltas in their darkest hour. Here's part of it, if you haven't seen it in a while (NSFW):

People always focus on Bluto there. On his never-say-die spirit in spite of all odds. His unwillingness to submit to the will of his foes. His righteous kick to the 'nads of oppression, conformity, and -- frankly -- sanity.

But what about Stork?

You know Stork. He's the one who delivered that classic line: "Well, what the hell we s'posed ta do, ya moe-ron?" Stork was the guy who knew when he was beaten and cared enough to speak up about it. Stork gave in when things didn't go his way, and he knew it was an idea worth sharing.

There could be no Bluto without a Stork.

In that spirit, I'd like to propose a new organization for all Republicans and conservatives who never pass up a chance to throw in the towel. I'm calling it the:

Super
Tired &
Overmatched
Republican
Caucus

STORC! And of course, our rallying cry is Stork's immortal (and only) line. It can be used for pretty much any occasion:

  • "Arlen Specter finally jumped to the Democrats. Well, what the hell we s'posed ta do, ya moe-ron?"
  • "Millionaire news anchors are making oral-sex jokes about hundreds of thousands of ordinary people exercising their First Amendment right to speak out against massive government expansion. Well, what the hell we s'posed ta do, ya moe-ron?"
  • "Obama won the election, and he and the Dems see it as their license to lie and cheat and grab power like never before. Well, what the hell we s'posed ta do, ya moe-ron?"

Say it. Say it out loud. See? Doesn't that feel good? There's no problem you can't avoid solving with a few choice words, slurred out in a tone of sullen, bitter fatalism.

And by doing so, you can make a difference. Your sluggardly, world-weary defeatism can inspire those with the energy and passion to do what you can't or won't. You can disgust them into action. How can they decide it ain't over till it's over unless you keep reminding them it's over?

So do your part and wave the white flag today. Never give up givin' up. If conservatism is to be reborn, it must be delivered by a STORC!

P.S. If somebody with Photoshop skills wants to design a STORC button or something, that would be awesome. I've always meant to learn how to do that kind of stuff, but what the hell am I s'posed ta do, ya moe-ron?

P.P.S. Ask and ye shall…

STORC.jpg

Thanks, Aaron S!

Posted by Jim Treacher at April 29, 2009 04:41 AM