April 29, 2009

Tweets his own

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I really don't think it was necessary for Chris Matthews to hold up a copy of Stephen King's The Stand and start keening.

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I'm not sure I like Obama's idea to celebrate his 100th day in office with a big pyrotechnic display at Ground Zero.

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Obama just announced that the White House will celebrate Flag Day with a huge bonfire. ACORN is now going door to door collecting our flags.

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Just watched Super High Me starring @dougbenson. Thumbs up. It's kind of like The Matrix, if Neo just didn't really care about the bullets.

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Watergate-gate? http://tr.im/jST8 I keep telling you, Obama isn't another Nixon. Nixon was an amateur.

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Oh, crap. This whole time I thought everybody was saying "It's Hawaiian flu." Guess I overreacted. Sorry for murdering you, Leilani.

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At least when George Bush was reading My Pet Goat, he genuinely had no idea Manhattan was being terrorized. And it wasn't by his own plane.

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NYPD instructed not to reveal AF1 joyride: http://tr.im/jTr8 Those terrified office workers must not know what transparency means. Racists.

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I can't wait to see how Timothy Noah incorporates this into his brilliant "Nobody's scared of planes flying into buildings anymore" theory.

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BREAKING: Plane Controlled By Enemies of America Terrorizes Manhattan (NOTE: Headline is from 2009)

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Or how about: Air Force One, Manhattanites Zero

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Plans for 2nd AF1 photo shoot over D.C. being "reconsidered." http://tr.im/jTDg What's the point, now that the Pentagon knows it's coming?

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The AF1 thing is a distraction from the swine flu that's distracting us from the hijacking of our health care system: http://tr.im/jTE0

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Obama names his next nominee for Secretary of HHS: Ann Thracks. Turns out these last 2 years have been an elaborate prank by Ashton Kutcher.

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BREAKING: Napolitano: Wash Hands, Give Polite "No Thanks" to Returning Mexico Vacationers Who Offer to Cough Directly into Your Mouth

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Just so I can say I published the headline before the New York Post did: ARMHOGEDDON

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Patient Zero: "No, no, seņor, I say I like to kees a puerco's lips!"

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Have you heard the original version of "Elvira" by the Oak Ridge Boys, with Janet Napolitano singing bass? Beats the Janet Reno version.

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This whole deal is really hurting business at my new restaurant, the Coughing Hog. I haven't sold a single Bacon & Sneeze sandwich all week.

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BREAKING: Arlen Specter Announces Brave Switch from Betamax to VHS: "I Didn't Leave the Superior Home Video Recording Format; It Left Me"

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Theory: If our principles work, trial and error will prove it. There could be no Reagan without Carter. And if they're wrong, why keep them?

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I just don't understand how the way to stop Obama from getting what he wants is to support people who are helping Obama get what he wants.

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I mean, Reagan was in a chimp movie, and he won two landslides. You think maybe his principles had anything to do with it?

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AF1 joyride over Manhattan was a "training mission": http://tr.im/jXR5 Come to think of it, so was the last one.

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It was a training mission. And a photo op. And they didn't tell anybody. Because they didn't know. Who keeps track of Air Force One, anyway?

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If you can't handle being reminded that "moderate" doesn't mean "SPEND ALL MONEY RIGHT NOW," then you're welcome to go to the Dems. Or Hell.

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http://tr.im/jXID Come to think of it, Shep should stick to car chases. Isn't there a local station in Mississippi that'll take him back?

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Please join Arlen Specter's Society to Help Obama Lord over Everything. I just took a self-pic for the buttons. Awkward camera placement!

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Arlen ditched his pals to sit at the cool kids' table, and now he's standing there with his tray as they mock his outfit: http://tr.im/jZWh

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If you're able to be talked into a course of action by Joe Biden, weren't you really going to do it anyway? http://tr.im/k1qU

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Obama would've thrown a fey slap at the Tea Parties earlier, but he only found out about them today when he was teabagging Anderson Cooper.

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Thanks, Mr. President, for interrupting primetime to tell me to wash my hands. Hey, has the government taken over Unilever yet?

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Maybe I can use one of the bathrooms in Air Force One to wash my hands. Do you know where it is right now, Barry?

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Swine flu is now the #473 cause of death in Mexico, according to what I just typed. #1 cause of death in Mexico: LIVING IN MEXICO.

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BLAH BLAH BLAH

Posted by Jim Treacher at April 29, 2009 09:41 PM