May 03, 2009

Tweet Talker

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Jeff Zeleny just went to the front of the line for next year's Pulitzers. Assuming the NYT is still around by then.

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So now we know why Daniel Faraday was crying the first time we saw him on Lost: it was Mother's Day.

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Is @dailydish OK? @AKGovSarahPalin has been on Twitter for over 9 hours, and he hasn't commanded her to hand over Trig's birth certificate.

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Wash your hands, inflate your tires, eat your vegetables... I already have a mom, Mr. President, and she's prettier than you.

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If Doctor Zero isn't blogging yet, he should be: http://tr.im/k4R1 By gum, I am printing that out and putting it on the fridge.

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"Swine flu" offends Porcine-Americans. "H1N1" is just ridiculous. How about "supercooties"? Or, considering its origins: "Ebola Sunrise"?

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Swine flu is just global warming with a runny nose. How long until Al Gore starts selling coughin' credits?

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Swine flu less dangerous than regular flu? http://tr.im/k7L1 Well, it isn't nearly as dangerous to POTUS as capitalism: http://tr.im/k7Kq

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BREAKING: Joe Biden Warns of Worldwide Cooties Outbreak Among Schoolchildren; "Girls Are the Enemy, Do Not Let Them Touch You"

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I am shocked that Kelly McGillis is a lesbian. In other news, Vice President George Bush just announced he's running for president.

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I've already forgotten who sent me this link, but it's the perfect gift and I can't wait to give it to Anderson Cooper: http://tr.im/k900

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This dry cleaning bag is itchy, but at least I won't get anybody's germs. Just hope I can hold my breath all the way to the store and back.

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Last night I dreamt I was on the subway with Joe Biden. All I can really remember is him clawing at the window and screaming, "Gesundheit!"

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Of the 183 "waterboardings," at least half occurred when KSM couldn't get the mouth of the Perrier bottle past his mustache.

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It's a start! http://tr.im/keJw Now, Jonny: Is pouring water on KSM's face to stop another 9/11 worse than nuking 2 cities to end a war?

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BREAKING: Pres. Obama Taking Over 3-Hour Block of Primetime Tonight to Announce New Hand-Washing Czar, TV's Howie Mandel

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Just saw Wolverine. When I looked in the mirror. Adamantium abs, baby!

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Now that outing CIA operatives is a good thing, apparently, somebody please remind me: How many lives did Valerie Plame save?

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"I thought it was interesting how focused on him the answers were." http://tr.im/khXC The best journalism that the NYT can still afford.

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It's a testament to Biden's gift of gaffe that his admonition to "gird your loins" gets lost in the shuffle, even at FOX: http://tr.im/kkzx

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BREAKING: Swine Flu Czar Joe Biden Announces Immediate Recall of All "Babe" DVDs; "This Is No Time to Take Chances"

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BREAKING: 6 Killed in Austrian Avalanche; President Obama Dispatches Translators to Convert Terms of U.S. Snow Embargo into Austrian

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T'what does this refer?

Posted by Jim Treacher at May 3, 2009 12:04 PM