Wouldn't it be funny if every single blogger who reads this helped me make "doo-doo" the #1 word on that new Daypop Word Bursts thingie? Wait, not "funny," I meant to say "dumb."
Marisa Guthrie, writing about Maher's new show in the Boston Herald:
Alas, the network censors were watching when "Politically Incorrect" host Bill Maher proceeded to denigrate American foreign policy right after 9/11. ABC canceled the late-night talker faster than the speed of a scud missile.A scud missile takes over 9 months to hit?
Layne has a roundup of reports on last night's LA blogger panel.
Speaking of Bill Maher's new HBO show, check out Aaron Barnhart and Paul Harris
talking about it. Whatever you think of Maher*, giving a different
young standup comic an uncensored spot on national TV every week is
very cool. *Remember how his dissent was viciously crushed by ABC? Nine short months later?
I guess you think you're pretty funny, huh? Mr. Jokey? Little Miss Ha-Ha? Well, Pope this, byuutch!
I don't blame the guy for getting fed up. How would you like it if you
were infallible and still had to put up with jokes about your hat all
the time? "Yeah, Popemobile, funny stuff. Oh no, I'm super-old, you
really got me there! Why don't you idiots shut up?"
Thank you once again, Gawker. Celebrities-Eating.com
is hilarious. It's all embarrassing candid shots of, well, celebrities
eating food, with inappropriate captions. That picture of Lara Flynn
Boyle right there is my favorite. By the end of the game, she'd eaten
nearly 13 kernels and scraped a hole through the bottom of the bucket.
Speaking of sites that risk legal action by providing proof that
celebrities weren't sent down from Heaven, check out Japander.com.
It's made up of nutty Japanese commercials featuring Hollywood
celebrities who don't want their fans over here to know just how low
they'll debase themselves for money. And when you're talking about guys
like Nicolas Cage and Arnold Schwarzenegger, that's saying something.
By the way, when I say they don't want us to know about it, I mean they really don't want us to know about it.
Questioned by security at Philadelphia International Airport late Tuesday about a bottle of Diesel Green men's cologne he was carrying, a 22-year-old Saudi Arabian student responded by spraying himself and the three airport screeners who were checking him out. Big mistake. By the end of a long night, the FBI had responded, a hazardous-materials crew had been called, and everyone in contact with the cologne - including some people inside a Rite Aid store and a Dunkin' Donuts, and the emergency room at Methodist Hospital - had been quarantined.I remember going through Dulles in the mid-'70s, and one of the baggage screeners, a pale, sweaty little man, mistakenly made eye contact and addressed me directly without having been spoken to. So, I splashed him in the face with a bottle of Hai Karate and thumbed out one of his eyes. A quick $50* fine later, the matter was forgotten and I was on my way. Oh, how I long for those days. *True, $50 was a lot more money back then, and he couldn't have been happy to hand over one-third of his monthly salary, but I do wish he'd gotten more than a slap on the wrist.
"This cookbook is going to bring a lady into your life. Ladies will come to the door, due to the fine smells."
--Chris Onstad, author of Achewood: Recipes for a Lady or a Man, in e-mail
Neal Pollack sez: EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP.
And I Love Television cracks me up, as usual. That and Sean Nelson's reviews are pretty much my only reasons for checking out The Stranger every week.
You can also create a duct-tape suit & tie with matching Mexican wrestler's mask, and it has the added benefit of making you TOTALLY AWESOME. (Via K. Thor Jensen of Amber Forever and Red Eye, Black Eye fame)
Dunkin' Donuts gourmand Kitty Bukkake interviews a former DD employee:
Kitty: Technical question: how do they get the kreme/jelly in the filled donuts? Is there a pump? Do you make the fillings at the store or are they pre-made? Robin: The white kreme was kept in a giant Rubbermaid trash barrel out back. We would fill up one of those squeezy-bags that cake designers use. It looked like a caulking gun and had a pointed application attachment on the end of it, designed to insert into an otherwise empty donut. Then you would just SQUEEZE the kreme into it. Sometimes I'd raise the lid of the barrel and see a mass of green mold on top of the kreme. The first time it happened, I told my boss and he said to scoop out the green, throw it away and proceed with the donut-filling. Also, I once dropped an entire tray of jelly donuts onto the floor out front, behind the counter. I picked them up and brought them into the back room and was told to put them back out front.P.S. And then there's this at the end:
Thanks, Robin! If you think you might be able to get those uniforms back, I know a gentleman who'll pay you handsomely if you let me borrow them.I think I just got that!
Hey, why not make a duct tape wallet to hold whatever money you have left after buying all that fucking duct tape? Dumbass.
Gawker has dug up a few more uses for it too.
...I don't recall ever jumping on the Iraq War 2003 bandwagon... In fact, I've said pretty often that I'm not much for it ... & that I'd rather my minimal tax payments go to taking out the Saudis who sent their boys on 9/11. But I'm not *against* the Iraq thing, either, because I wasn't against it in 1991. The big question for me has always been, "Why the hell didn't Bush Sr. finish the freakin' job?" and "How did Clinton float for 8 years with nothing more than some no-fly-zone enforcement?"That's basically my take too, if anybody cares. And if you don't... whew!
Dirk Deppey reviews Daredevil. Sounds like it'll be worth catching on TNT in a couple of years.
Speaking of crappy comics-based movies, check out the trailer for public-domain nightmare The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Or, as the voiceover dude growls, "El! Ex! Gee!" In some ways it looks
like it'll be faithful to the Alan Moore/Kev O'Neill comic -- Captain
Nemo as a Sikh rather than somebody who looks like James Mason -- and
in other ways, maybe not so faithful -- Captain Nemo spinning in the
air sideways like Jackie Chan on a crack binge. Plus, a longhaired
adult Tom Sawyer speeding through the streets of London in some sort of
Victorian convertible, shooting at guys with both hands; a CGI Hyde
that should have Ang Lee chuckling with relief; a full-on vampiric Mina
Harker; a bulletproof Dorian Gray... Uzis, wire-fu, etc. Looks like a
derivative, trend-whoring abomination. OMG, LXG is gonna be a POS! I
guess they figured that since the comic itself takes such liberties
with the original characters, they might as well go all-out and turn
the whole thing into yet another Matrix ripoff.
But I'm so there anyway, because I'm a fanboy nerd and Alan Moore deserves every penny he's getting from this for his decades of service.
Tony Pierce talks about that "Live from the Blogosphere" thing last night. Sounds like it was a good time.
And via Layne, here's the page for yet another blogger panel, "Weblogs: Technology and Freedom in the 21st Century".
Seipp, Volokh, Kaus, Layne, Welch, Havrilesky, Emmanuelle, Biddle...
even Luke Ford, the guy who used to write about porno all the time. I
was invited to participate as well, as unlikely as that may sound. I'd
be genuinely honored, but you know how it is, what with the house
arrest and all. Stupid ankle monitor! Fascists! Anyway, it's pretty
doubtful that I'd have anything to add to a line-up like that. Well,
other than my knowledge of porn.
Cory Doctorow has a bunch of smart-feller talk about the Google/Blogspot deal. But the best part is that he calls the resulting entity... Gbloogle! I hope that name sticks, just so nobody starts taking the whole thing too seriously. At first I was thinking maybe Googspot, Bloggoogler, or Bloogledygoobledygoo, but I like Gbloogle a lot better.
So that's why Rall is demanding $1.5 million from Danny Hellman -- to pay off those fascist student loans!
It's good to know that the Chinese are keeping track of our "human
rights violations," Ted. Hey, maybe we should spare our children the
pain and humiliation of someday having to pay back their college loans
by killing them if they have the gall to clock in without their penis?
"He's sexier than Reynolds, sillier than Lileks, and able to leap Rall's ego in a single bound"
Nothin' could be finer than to buy a carrogina in the moooooooornin'...
I challenge YOU to come up with a Bubb Rubb/carrogina crossover NOW.
This is gonna be my year, I can feel it.
"Recreational Drug Procurement merit badge"
is pretty good. I might have tried to work in knot-tying somehow... you
know, knot--> rope--> hemp--> marijuana... but that one is
An interesting tidbit from the latest Instapundit article, in something called Nashville Scene:
There's also the fact that Instapundit.com just makes for an entertaining read. Sadly, the same can't be said for most of the other blogs on the Web.Ouch! I guess I'll take this guy's word for it, though, because I can't say I've read most of the other blogs on the Web myself. There's at least like, what, a hundred of them?
From Peter Bagge's latest, Observations from a Reluctant Anti-Warrior: "Where's the 'They Can All Go to Hell' booth? I want to volunteer!"
Jim Treacher is a blogger/loser who is currently pretending to be interviewed for the "Who Could You Take in a Fight?" feature at this week's Onion A.V. Club.
The Onion: Who could you take in a fight?
Jim Treacher: Why don't we find out right now, bitch? Detroit what! Detroit what!
O: Anybody else?
JT: I'm gonna say... Sandy Duncan. Stay on her left side and she's powerless.
In addition to revealing who "won" Joe Millionaire and how she reacts to finding out he's almost as poor as me, now they're saying that next week there's going to be another
shocking twist. I'm not usually one for predictions, but I'll take a
crack at this one. The earth-shattering revelation will be that: Evan actually has a normal IQ and he's been faking us out all along.
Oooh! Set your VCR or Tivo for Comedy Central in the wee hours of Tues. morning, because they're showing a Black Books mini-marathon. Must be burning off the episodes before they lose the rights or something.
I reviewed this show a while back, and boy did I have an OTC cold medicine problem.
Denis Leary has pitched a show to NBC titled American Idle, in which teenagers are encouraged to do nothing while Leary insults them*I love Fametracker.
Just reading about the two-hour interview with Michael Jackson that aired in the UK on Monday and will be on 20/20
this Friday. Sounds like there's gonna be way too much brain-quivering
craziness to even know where to start mocking, but this quote stood
Jackson denied having had any alterations to his face
other than two operations on his nose because "it helped me breathe
better so I can hit higher notes." "I am telling you the honest
truth," he said. "I didn't do anything to my face."
Career Yankers was my favorite too.
I'm told that Friday night's Jimmy Kimmel Live featured David Alan Grier and Super Dave Osborne(?!?). Apparently they were the only Crank Yankers
alums available that night. Tonight's show: Kimmel's dentist, Kimmel's
bookie, and Kimmel's 8th-grade shop teacher. Come on, ABC, help the
poor guy out. Are George Lopez and Jim Belushi in bed already by 9:00
PST? Is Damon Wayans taking a "wait and see" attitude?
Once again, I couldn't put it any better than Layne:
Obviously, this isn't the place to come for informed debate on space policy, or robots vs. humans (Who Will Win?!), or anything else. But as one common-ass American who spends a lot of time looking at the stars, I am grateful for all the guys & gals who sat on the nose of a rocket and went out there. Grateful, envious and proud.