August 31, 2003

See, it's not so difficult

I e-mailed Melissa (No last name given) to ask what she meant when she said, "That hypocrite Treacher just made the Moxiepop scandal worse" (see below). This was the e-mail I got back, which she requested I publish in full:

Mr. Treacher,

I apologize for what I posted on Dawn Olsen's site. I was wrong. I didn't know the full story, and I was misguided by certain people in that circle who seem to have it out for you. I'll admit, I didn't read everything before I posted that response because I just made an assumption as to your character and the character of Madison Slade from what was posted by others (Madison herself, Dawn Olsen, [Name removed by request]*, etc.)

I have gone back through the archives and read more about it and see now that I and the others in the circle were, are, and continue to be, wrong. I apologize. I made an ass of myself, trying to put down someone (you) who was in the right. I feel like an idiot. I invite your readers to e-mail me ( for a better explanation of why I have "switched sides," as it were. I was wrong, and I am woman enough to admit it and make amends.

Thank you,

Apology accepted, and appreciated.

* Melissa has since received the following request, which she passed along to me:

i would like you to tell this "jim treacher" person to remove my name from your letter to him, or i will be pursuing legal action.

i don't want to be mentioned on his website. whoever this guy is, he's a very sick individual.

Done! Didn't realize it would be a problem, but if you don't want to be publicly associated with them, I can certainly understand. Oh, and no hard feelings about the "you pathetic man" stuff.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:42 PM

August 29, 2003

Neal Pollack gets altered on box wine and watches the MTV Video Music Awards

That is what I am talking about. So what if only paid him in minor-market pizza coupons; he received compensation for getting crocked and making fun of wealthy, attractive morons whose shimmering images appeared before him on the screen of his television. This is the world our forefathers fought and died to give us, and it is beautiful.

You know that part of the "Crazy in Love" video where Beyoncé is strutting around in an alley with a racially diverse group of dancers whose names she almost certainly doesn't know? And they all start shaking their asses at the camera like a big jiggly buttquake? That little 20-second clip should get its own award right there. Best Gluteal Seismic Event or somesuch.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:02 PM

Note to Christopher Walken: Get off Atkins now.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:50 AM

August 28, 2003

Looks like I didn't really miss much


"Now come on over here and give Gramma a kiss!"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:02 PM

Michele at A Small Victory started to blog about the VMAs, but I think she's given up. I'm bummed, because I don't have MTV anymore as of this week, and I was hoping somebody could tell me how many inches of ass-crack Pink showed this year. Last year you could have parked your bike in it. BMX, even.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:24 PM

That won't be necessary

Dawn Olsen asks (assuming she hasn't deleted it already):

One blogger can't seem to get past the fact that they are completely wrong about a matter and won't quit harassing another blogger until that person does what? Kill themselves?

Well, since you ask, maybe the two of you could take responsibility for your actions, or even merely acknowledge those actions. Your suggestion is much more dramatic, of course, but I think mine is a bit more practical.

Since you ask.

Update: In that same thread, Melissa comments:

I assume that the first part of your post refers to Jim Treacher's on going posts about the Moxiepop scandal, something he played a big hand in making worse. My question is this in what way is he any any different than what he's accusing Moxie of?

Seems like a hypocrite to me.

The differences are subtle, but I'll try to explain:

I didn't accuse anybody of doing anything they didn't actually do. I didn't whip up a huge flamewar and then, when it went completely out of control, try to shift the blame and delete the evidence.

Other than that, good point.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:55 PM

This fellow has the potential to become the Bubb Rubb of late Aug./early Sept. 2003

Could you repeat that, please?It's only been about 24 hours since Alabama God-hugger Ken Barnett calmly informed a national television audience that a monument to the Ten Commandments should be returned to its rightful place in the lobby of the state courthouse, and he's already got his very own music video.

How about a cover of "Paint It Black" with that guy? "I see a statue and I want to PUT IT BAAAAAACK!!!"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:46 PM

Maybe the BBC isn't all bad...

ATTN BUFFY FANS: Did you like that one episode where Jonathan, the second biggest nerd ever, suddenly turned into James Bond times a zillion? Then check out this free webcomic. I think the BBC is trying to win back all the rabid right-wing babystomping Bushie Nazi killbloggers who also luvs them some Buffys.

(Courtesy of the indispensible WHEDONesque.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:01 AM

August 27, 2003

The One-Man Message Board

Uh, how likely is it that somebody who programs computers and can even e-mail people with his mind would be flummoxed by a mere remote control?



Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:26 PM

Hey, whatever happened to A. Beam?

He was gone for a while, then he came back for a while, and now he's been gone for a couple months. What's up, A. Beam?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:07 PM


Noooooo! They're killing God! Don't they know they're killing God? Murder! MURDER!!!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:23 AM

August 26, 2003

Seedy Danny

That's right, it's Sam Henderson's logo for Dirty Danny Hellman, made entirely of seeds. Click on it to see the full-size picture that James Lileks took at this year's Minnesota State Fair, in something called the Seed Art Room. Does Ted Rall know about the latest plot to (literally) disseminate Hellmanite propaganda?

Update: Seedy Danny himself informs me that this was created by cartoonist Ken Weiner-Avidor. Good work, Ken!

Another Update: Courtesy of Cheese Hasselberger at House of Twelve, a spinoff...


Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:22 PM

Aiding and Abetting

Check it out as I rock the respective worlds of Steve Hogan and Greg Beato (and by "rock," I mean "am kindly permitted to inhabit"). Meanwhile, the woefully misguided souls at Mass Live and The Grand Hour, not to mention the comics guys here and here, have failed to condemn me. Don't these people know what sort of filth they're colluding with? Go get 'em!

P.S. While you're at Lafftracker, be sure to enter this week's caption contest.

P.P.S. "And no matter what anyone says, least of all Jim Treacher, I ain't Jim Treacher." Or... is he?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:15 AM

August 25, 2003

Like magic...

...this has been transformed into this. Remember: If you're tired of people pointing out what you did, just undo it. Problem solved.

Well, at least she's living up to her vow not to give me any more, in her words, "Moxie traffic." Talk about serious consequences.

Update: This message has just been added:

Your latest plea for attention has me even more convinced -- Jim go get some psychotherapy. Immediately before you hurt someone.

Hurt someone? Such as, say, getting someone fired? Nope, not my style.

Update II: Another addition:

If you STILL think I was behind that perhaps a padded cell would be more appropriate for you. Some delusions are beyond the grasp of modern psychotherapy.

I'm pretty sure this is the first time Madison has so much as acknowledged the whole thing. So that's a good first step. It only took, what, 2 months? And I do think she was "behind that," if by "that" she means "whipping up a huge blogwar against somebody she saw as a threat, turning on anybody who didn't fall in line, refusing to take any responsibility when it went very wrong, and failing to speak out against the creep who dug up private information to fuck with somebody's life over the aforementioned flamewar." There's no reason to think she gave a direct order to have Veronica fired, though, if that's what she thinks I've been saying. In fact, I've consistently said she should be given the benefit of the doubt. That happened as a result of her actions, and until now she has failed to address it whatsoever, but I don't think it was the intended consequence. So maybe she means something else by "behind that."

Update III: Now that blog entry is gone altogether. Weird!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:55 AM

Hogan. Treacher. Again.



Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:10 AM

Small Victory, Big Heart

Happy Birthday/Anniversary, Michele!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:10 AM

August 23, 2003

Pedo Padre Punked in Prison

Pays Price for Playing Around with Prepubescent Parishoners

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:11 PM

Emmanuelle Richard, who's up and running again after a computer crisis, has a bilingual cyberstalking roundup. (The post is bilingual, not the cyberstalkers. Although, for some of them, English doesn't seem to be the first language.) Also, she was smart enough to post the picture of her riding a Segway before somebody tried to use it for the purpose of blackmail. Those things look so silly, but I'm sure they're fun to ride if you give them a chance. Hey, kind of like me, ha ha.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:33 PM

Treach-Whore*: 2, 4, 6, 8, Tell Us Who We're S'posed to Hate

Jackie at Au Currant wants me to write about: "High school."

High school is the place where you learn the rules that will apply for the rest of your life: Might makes right, humans form herds just like any other animal, rumors will beat facts every time, pretty people can get away with anything, etc. Somebody should come out with a line of Blogosphere High School clothing, but then, "Blogosphere High School" is kind of redundant. If Hollywood is high school with money, blogs are high school with hyperlinks.

Of course, I was such a huge nerd that the captain of the Chess Club gave me a wedgie and stuffed me into my locker. But I'm not bitter...

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:31 AM

August 22, 2003

Parrott's back...

...has been hurting him, so he took a break for a few weeks. But now he's blogging again, so check it out.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:18 PM

Reading Johnny Ryan is like reliving sweet memories of my childhood.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:09 PM

Holy shit

Wesley Willis died yesterday. He was only 40. If you don't know the name Wesley Willis, you probably won't care. The rest of us...

Wesley Willis
Wesley Willis
Wesley Willis
Wesley Willis

You were a rock and roller
You really knew how to whup a pelican's ass
McDonald's made you fat and you apologized
We will miss you and your rock music

Wesley Willis
Wesley Willis
Wesley Willis
Wesley Willis

Rock over London, rock on Chicago
All it takes is Flonase

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:30 PM

It's that time of the month... it'll drive my stalker even crazier, so here's a quick update on the whole "Treach-Whore" deal. Subscribe to this site for $1 a month (the subscription button is on the right), and I'll write 100 words on the topic of your choice. More details here. Of course, if you just feel like making a one-time donation because you think I'm awesome or whatever, there would be no problem with that. Last month's donations and ads helped me pay my medical insurance, so thanks again to everybody who's helped out.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:04 PM

Why isn't Tony Pierce all over this yet?

Anna Kournikova Molded Multiway Sports Bra at

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:10 AM

Rejection has made SEKK-Z bitter

(Thanks, Joe!)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:55 AM

August 21, 2003

"And can I get extra Fired Sauce with that?"

All Taco Bells in California are letting you vote for governor without having to register or anything. Just buy a Beef Crunchy Taco to vote for Schwarzenegger, a Chicken Soft Taco to vote for Davis, and a Grilled Stuft Burrito to vote for... anybody else. I guess even Taco Bell doesn't have that many menu items. Maybe they could start offering tuna tacos in honor of Mary Carey?

(Via Layne)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:05 AM

Blurbs, blurbs, everywhere a blurb

If you see a quick little TV review over at Lafftracker that's signed with my name, it actually is me. Check out the one I did about the new season of The Man Show. I did not care for this television program.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:48 AM

August 20, 2003

Speaking of cyberstalkers

Looks like Cathy Seipp is dealing with one of her own. Just don't try to take mine, Cathy! My cyberstalker is hopelessly devoted to me.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:43 PM

I'm Voting for San Andreas

Not really, but I just thought of that, and I've got a blog, so I'm putting it on my blog. Feel free to make a bumper sticker out of it and put it on your vehicle next to the Jesus Fish.

Today on Achewood, Ray and Philippe go back in time and meet Mark Twain. When you have your own Web comic strip, you can do whatever you want.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:59 AM

August 19, 2003

Hey, cool

Last week, Black Table put out a call for reader submissions for their new feature, "The Black List." This week, they used the blurb I sent them about the Denis Leary roast on Comedy Central. I didn't get paid or anything, but it's still cool that they didn't just delete the e-mail. (Although they did cut the part where I said the roast is a C-, but a solid B for Lenny Clarke completists. Because there's no such thing as a Lenny Clarke completist, get it? Yeah, you're right.) The submission guidelines are at the bottom of the page, if you want to send them something. Kinda fun.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:22 PM

August 18, 2003

Now it can be told

SEKK-Z is sorry about that

P.S. Sam Henderson shows the Dirty side of the blackout...

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:38 PM


Okay, okay, here's your link, relax already. You tried hard and did your best, and that's what's really important.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:30 PM

Achewood-Based Songfight Brings MC Hawking Out Of Retirement

Go here to listen and vote for the best song based on the title "What We Need More of Is Science." Hawking will probably win just out of name recognition, but I liked Ad Et Al, Brother Machine, and Squirrel vs. Bear the best. Trying to pick one of those three to vote for. A Kid Named Ace is A Kid Who Listens To A Whole Lot Of Radiohead, but that's also a good tune. (Hint: Check out the M3U stream if you don't feel like downloading them all.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:08 PM

August 17, 2003

This again?

Apparently somebody posting as "Jim" is putting up personal information about people in blog comments. Deja vu. And again, it's not me. That's a shitty thing to do, which is what I've been saying all along. It's why I don't have comments anymore. Anybody can put anybody else's name on a blog comment and try to start fights between people who don't have any beef with each other. Please resist the urge to fall for it.


Update: Apology accepted.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:44 PM

I think I'm supposed to be intimidated

Subj: [no subject]
Date: 8/17/2003
From: [Oh, let's not name any names if we don't have to]
To: [Me]

feeling better today, you pathetic man?

stop immediately--do yourself a favor and take down all moxie-related insinuations, alright?


I won't pretend being called a "pathetic man" doesn't hurt my feelings, because it really does. But I'm more worried about what'll happen if I don't "do myself a favor." Or what these "moxie-related insinuations" are that I'm supposed to have made. As I've said all along, we should give Madison and Dawn the benefit of the doubt that they didn't send the fax that got Veronica fired, and they don't know who did. My point is that they should own up to their part in the debacle that led up to it (instead of dodging the blame and then clamming up in hopes that it'll go away), and they should publicly condemn whoever did it. That's what I would do, at least. If any of my readers dug up somebody's private information and used it to hurt them, in a misguided attempt to defend me, I'd do whatever I could to remedy the situation. Is that really out of line for me to say? If so, I wish somebody could explain why.

Oh, and I didn't really feel bad yesterday. No worse than usual, anyway. So I'm not feeling better today, nor am I feeling worse. But thanks for asking!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:29 PM

And you thought faxing somebody's boss over stupid blogshit was bad...

As if that wasn't creepy and vindictive enough, now some asshole has reported somebody to Child Protective Services over another blogwar. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:29 PM

August 16, 2003

Click here for savings


Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:20 PM

First Biggie and Pac, now this

"Tubular" is not a complete sentence...
--Elizabeth Spiers, on her trip to Los Angeles

Tubular and awesome are very popular words -- to anyone who went into a coma in the 80s and just woke up yesterday.
--Amy Alkon, commenting on L.A. Observed

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:44 AM

August 15, 2003

Fair and Balanced

Apparently, everybody's supposed to use that phrase today. Once again, blogs are making a difference.

Hey, did you guys hear about that blackout?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:55 PM

August 13, 2003

"This is how we do it on NPR, bitch"

Cathy Seipp writes:

...I should be doing a commentary on NPR's new "Day To Day" show tomorrow (Thurs 8-14), which airs noon-1pm on NPR stations in most markets. Topic: "The O.C." vs. my Orange County.

I'm there. Everybody's comparing that show to 90210, but you know what it reminds me of? Buffy! Think about it: An unconventionally pretty blond who looks good in a tank top moves to a suburb of LA, instantly makes best friends with an adorable, motormouthed geek, gets into fights constantly, and has to deal with their demons under the guidance of a strikingly handsome father figure with a funny accent. Okay, so this kid's demons are psychological rather than actual bumpy-faced monsters. And I'm not sure if the geek is more like Willow or Xander (before his tragic stuffed-crust addiction). But still.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:19 PM

Has anybody told Janeane Garofalo about this great new alternative to Botox?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:31 PM

August 12, 2003

So anyway


Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:13 PM

August 11, 2003

Your Moxie vs. Moxie Update for August 2003

It's been a couple months now, and despite the best efforts of Madison and Dawn to act like nothing happened, Veronica (AKA MoxiePop) is still out of a job. Madison still hasn't apologized for her unfounded accusation of identity theft that started the whole debacle. Dawn still hasn't apologized for whipping up another one of her patented vitriolic flamewars across several blogs' comments, yelling at anybody she couldn't drag into it, and attracting some creepy cyberstalkers who fanned the flames by imitating various combatants (and non-combatants) and putting words in their mouths.

Worst of all, they seem totally unconcerned that one of those still-unknown cyberstalkers took it upon him- or herself to fax Veronica's boss and get her fired. If somebody did that on my behalf, whether or not I knew about it beforehand, I'd feel pretty bad about it. I'd publicly condemn it, I'd reveal who did it if I knew (or, if I didn't, I'd call on the culprit to step forward), and I'd try to make amends in some way. Maybe Madison and Dawn figure if they keep their heads firmly in the sand, sooner or later everybody will forget what they started and how serious the consequences were. Normally I'd say that shutting up is good advice for both of them, but in this case it just makes them look even worse.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:42 PM

August 07, 2003

Ladies and gentlemen, your next governor of the great state of California...

Alnord Sarariman! (You remember what happened last time the Krauts and the Japs teamed up, right? I'm just saying.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:39 PM

I haven't really paid much attention to that BlogShares deal, but I saw this when I was checking my referral logs ("Who's talking about me today?") and it cracked me up:

Mother, May I Sleep with Treacher? was the subject of much speculation when analysts at several firms were heard to be very positive about its recent performance. Its share price rose from $1,493.52 to $1,792.22. Much of the hype was said to originate from Aine MacDermot, whose Spy Machine (artefact) was said to be involved.

Aine MacDermot declined to comment on the recent speculation.

Then it plummeted again. Oh well.

Dear Aine MacDermot:

Thanks for the push or whatever. Can I have some actual money?

Jim Treacher

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:34 PM

Sometimes it's worth the extra $15 a month

'Armless Child Embraces Life'

That's the sort of job I need to find: headline writer. Just think of the other possibilities...

Sightless Boy Keeps Eyes on Prize
Legless Youth Walks New Path
Brain-Trauma Survivor Uses His Head
Genital Amputee Having a Ball

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:22 PM

Check out my new pole

I mean poll. And if you don't like that one, you would've haaaaaaated this one.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:04 AM

August 06, 2003

Arnold for Governor

Arnold... Drummond!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:46 PM

What would happen if you took like a kegful of acid?

Acid Keg would happen, that's what!

That Acid Keg strip I helped out on has been generating a lot of discussion, by the way. Go Hogan!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:20 AM

August 05, 2003

Help me scrape the MP3s off my drive

Go here to listen to Ween's great new record, Quebec, which comes out today. Streaming loop, over and over. This is Ween themselves doing this, mind you. They're assuming that if people hear it online and like it, they'll buy a CD, and there'll be no need for lawyers or anything like that. You know, like how you used to hear more than a dozen different songs on the radio in a day, and you'd make your buying choices accordingly, and the court system wasn't an integral part of it. CRAZY!!!

P.S. Great interview with them in the latest Onion A.V. Club.

P.P.S. Now Ween Radio is back to random Ween songs, as usual. You missed it!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:47 PM

Apropos of nothing

Why is it considered an insult to say somebody doesn't have a sense of humor? Everybody wants to think they do, but not everybody does. I mean, if you didn't know how to play the clarinet, and I said, "You know, you really can't play the clarinet," you wouldn't get mad, would you? It would just be self-evident. So big deal, you don't have a sense of humor. It doesn't make you a bad person. You probably have a lot of other good qualities.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:16 AM

August 04, 2003

And speaking of the "Pink Mafia"

LIGHTEN UPCheck out the harrumphing about the "extremely offensive hate literature" of cartoonist Johnny Ryan. The strip in question is here and here. Some gay comics fans hate it, and if he's lucky, some Muslim comics fans will go after him too. (Are Muslims even allowed to read comics? Just kidding.) The gist of the whining is: "How dare Fantagraphics Books publish something that offends me personally?" Well, because it makes them laugh? Not everybody has the same sense of humor as you? Let's just hope those guys don't see any of these sketches!

Courtesy of TCJ's Dirk Deppey, who notes:

Suffice it to say that given the choice of protesting either (A) a Congressional attempt to limits my rights as an American gay man with a Constitutional Amendment forbidding me access to the same rights and privileges other citizens take for granted, and (B) Johnny Ryan looking at me cross-eyed, I think I'll go with the former, thank you very much.

Update: Sam Henderson, who knows a thing or two about humor, puts it best:

The difference between Johnny Ryan's work and gay-bashing is context. He doesn't sit down thinking "How can I put the gays in their place?" The mythical oversexed, limp-wristed, mincing sissy-boy is used in the same way an 8'x10' desert island would be used. Like any other stereotype, Johnny debases it so far beyond its limits that anyone trying to find an agenda is missing the point. His gay friends don't have a problem with his humor and he doesn't hide it from them. I'm not going to say that anyone offended should sit back and take it, but neither should they impugn the creator and everyone associated with him.
Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:06 PM

August 02, 2003



(also here)
(and here)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:59 AM

August 01, 2003

We love to verify the muscular configuration of your mouth via facial-recognition scanTM

McTerminatorPNG.PNGAccording to Boing Boing, McDonald's is testing robotic burger-flippers and automated kiosks for ordering. Eventually they'll automate the whole process until humans become unnecessary at any point. An assembly line of efficient machines will slaughter the cows, grind them into burgers, fry them up, top them and put them on buns, chemically convert them into puddles of pickle-scented diarrhea that are then squirted directly into the toilet, and hurl trash cans through the windows to protest Western imperialism.

I'll continue to avoid their vile swill, although apparently their salads are okay.

(Thanks to Parrott for the Photoshop magic)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:19 AM