March 26, 2004

The following post is my entry in this contest

The other day I got one of those new Reach flossers. It looks like a toothbrush, except instead of bristles on the end, there's a little two-pronged attachment with floss stretched across the prongs. You hold it like a toothbrush and move the floss up and down between your teeth and below your gumline. The handle is translucent yellow, with little rubberized ridges for a better grip. It comes with 8 floss attachments. The instructions say to replace the attachment every day, but I've been soaking the floss end in Listerine (the new citrus flavor) after each use, so I think it'll be okay to use each attachment for a few days to save a little money. It's a lot easier to use than regular dental floss. I'll be flossing my teeth a lot more often from now on.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:11 PM

A brief list of things that are making me feel a little less like shooting myself in the forehead

Punky Brewskies (check out the Big Star sample on "Schwarzkopf")


Bloglines


Laughing at self-serious dopes getting all worked up over a dumb gag


Cathy Seipp on the Dennis Miller show


Magic Whistle #9


Getting linked by Gawker for being a drunken boor

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:13 AM

Yeah I'm drunk, so what?

Interesting how neither Salon nor Slate bothered to review the #1 movie in the country this week. Not enough subtext for you, you hippies? Not enough symbolism? I bet you'd have reviewed it if Bush said he liked it. BUSH LIED, PEOPLE WERE ZOMBIFIED

Seriously, what the hell? It's not like Stale and ZZZalon haven't reviewed the most soul-draining schlock that hit the Top 5 for like one day. I guess it's no fun to review a movie that doesn't give you enough opportunities to show how clever you are. It was hardly a masterpiece, but it was well-done enough that you couldn't shit all over it like whatever that latest Ashley Judd movie was called. It was just a good, creepy action flick. It's okay to have fun at the movies, you nerds! Well, fine, go ahead and focus on chopping off Lars von Trier's dick before the other reviewers can suck it, already.

I'm probably just jealous!

P.S. Armond White reviewed it, and of course it's a terrible movie because it was directed by somebody other than Steven Spielberg. Funny how White devotes his entire last paragraph to slamming a statement from Mekhi Phifer's character that doesn't even exist. It wasn't "I just want the opportunity to judge things," it was "I just want the opportunity to change things." Emily Littella lives.

P.P.S. Edelstein's hatchet job on Dogville really is awesome, though.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:22 AM

March 22, 2004

My favorite insult in recent memory

"Don't take that tone with me, young man, I'm old enough to be the pimp that got paid for the fuck that made you." -- Tony Millionaire, who is celebrating the first of next month a little early and would like you to visit Maakies.com
Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:22 AM

March 18, 2004

"Against boredom even the gods contend in vain"

Nietzsche. Looks like that's a common phrase being used by comment-spammers, among other cut-and-paste bits of text. Apparently the idea is to slip in something just vague enough not to raise suspicion, if somebody's not paying attention to their blog comments. Add it as a comment to a months-old blog post, link your screen name to some site for dong elongation or whatever stupid scam you're running, and presto! You're an asshole.

I'd really like to meet one of these spammers. And by "meet," I mean "tie to a chair." I'd really like to hear which notes they can hit.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:47 AM

March 16, 2004

Various unrelated items

Looks like something really went wrong over at Low Culture:

March 15, 2004

hello dearest readers,

ah, the ides of march. how suitably ironic!

we're currently in the midst of some nasty technical difficulties (hence the super-unstylish page you're reading now, sans commentary on sofia coppola or richard perle or, pray tell, jim treacher).

we'll be back mid-week, wednesday-ish (fingers crossed), with a new and improved "sour/snide" demeanor.

jean-paul tremblay / matt haber / guy cimbalo

Hey, if their blog isn't feeling well, maybe it needs a Low Throat Culture! Hee! No? Nothing? Anyway, I hope everything gets sorted out, because Low Culture has some good stuff. Plus, I want to see what they said about me.

***

Jog_of_the_Dead.PNGIf you missed the preview of the new Dawn of the Dead (AKA 28 Dawns Later) last night on USA Network, somebody put up a Bittorrent of it here. More than a preview, it's actually the first 11 minutes of the movie. Now... if a studio puts the beginning of an upcoming flick on basic cable to try to get people into the theater, is it wrong to download it for free? Because I don't have USA Network, but after downloading this and watching it, I'm definitely going to see the movie. (Thanks, lottery winnings!) They've made the sale. Is all downloading still bad, then?

If my stalker hadn't temporarily taken over my old blog, deleting all the archives in the process, I could link to a nice e-mail I got from DotD screenwriter James Gunn. A couple years back I blogged about his movie The Specials, which I really liked, and he said I could post his reply. But now it's gone forever. So be sure to salute my stalker. I'm saluting them right now.

***

To celebrate the season, here's an old clip-art comic I did a few St. Paddy's Days ago. Back when I was doing that crap, a few people called me a "cartoonist." It's like, if you don't draw your own stuff, how can people call you a cartoonist? (Sorry, Aaron. And Cathy. And Garry. And...)

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Dr. David Thorpe hates your favorite band, and he shows his work.

***

I guess that's all I have for now. If you're Irish, try not to get too hammered tomorrow. If you're not Irish, try not to judge us too harshly.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:39 PM

March 15, 2004

The Week in Treacher

Well, I won $7 on the lottery.

Aaaaaaaand that was about it. Thanks for stopping by!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:53 AM

March 09, 2004

Thanks in advance

I'd just like to address the rumor about the bidding war over me between feuding blogiavellis Nick Denton and Jason Calacanis: It doesn't exist. Which is really starting to piss me off. So I'm starting the rumor right now. Please pass it on!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:37 PM

March 04, 2004

There's probably a play on "throwing his hat in the ring" and "ring toss," but the hell with it

JHK.PNG

(Photo courtesy of Wonkette)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:47 AM

You know how you never bother to read Ted Rall's strip at NYTimes.com?

Well, it's too late to start, because they just gave him the pinko slip. Editor & Publisher has his side of it. You're going to want to sit down for this bit of news: Ted Rall smells a conspiracy. Here's the money quote...

"I've been canceled from a lot of newspapers," Rall told E&P. "It comes with the territory. But this [the reluctance of some papers to deal with reader complaints] is nothing short of appalling. It needs to change." If newspapers don't have the personnel to handle hate mail, said Rall, "just delete it."

Just Delete It. All that needs is a Nike swoop. Hate mail piling up? Just Delete It! Ineptly drawn and amateurishly written comic strip becoming more trouble than it's worth? Just Delete It!

It's tempting to point out that, well, maybe the strip just isn't as good as it used to be. But then, how would you be able to tell?

P.S. FREE DIRTY DANNY

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:52 AM

March 03, 2004

Just a few brief items so I can say I posted something today

"My sweaty testicles get good grades" (Last item)

***

Dear newspaper reporters,

Please don't make shit up. We're paying attention.

Thanks,
The world

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When you're getting hangovers only when you haven't been drinking, is that bad?

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[Insert series of awful "shoe" puns here]

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Original caption:

threeboobs2.PNG

***

Alright, get back to work, you.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:03 AM

March 01, 2004

I finally get a Gawker link, and it's for linking to somebody else?

Go figure.

face2.jpgHey, as long as I've got the Movable Type open and some traffic coming in, check out Garth Marenghi (pictured). He's a fictional* "best-selling horror writer," and he'll appeal to anybody who's read way too many Stephen King novels and feels vaguely guilty about it. Like me. Might be too dry for some, but I laughed out loud at the impossibly bad excerpts from his "canon," and just his completely false and subtly self-incriminating sense of importance in general.

Plus, he's got a show on Channel 4 in Britain called Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, which I think is supposed to be a parody of Lars Von Trier's The Kingdom. Kind of like what that new ABC show looks to be, except intentionally bad and funny. And with no Andrew McCarthy. (Sorry, ladies!) I don't know if Darkplace will ever be shown in the States, but you could probably find it online if you looked around, cough cough cough. You probably never thought that crappy splatterschlock novelists deserved the Spinal Tap treatment, but it turns out they do.

Update: Check out the Darkplace intro and theme music ("based on melodies originally whistled by Garth Marenghi"). It should give you the idea.

*As in, it's a character. He's not a real guy.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:47 AM

I was thinking about blogging the Oscars, but then I was like, "Ehhhhhh..."

threeboobs.PNG"Everybody's going to be doing that, aren't they?" I only saw two of the movies that were nominated anyway (missed Part 3 of the D&D dorktacular, sorry), and I didn't have strong feelings about either one. Not that watching the Oscars is about that, I guess... But a quick fast-forward through it on the Tivo reveals not a single hooter popping out, so why bother?

Luckily you can check out Daniel Frank and Whatevs for the play-by-play, and Emmanuelle Richard was able to get a handful of phonecam snaps from the red carpet before the fascists shut her down for Homeland Security reasons. I also liked Katie 'n' Matt's Oscars photo-essay about the security measures they had to go through just to stare at a 10-foot chain-link fence covered with a black tarp. The glamour capital of the world!

Didn't they use to hold the Oscars in a hotel banquet room or something?

P.S. Almost forgot Cintra Wilson! ("The Road to Oscartown has always been paved with retardation and weight gain, which is why it was obviously Renee Zellweger's turn to get best supporting actress -- fat, thin, fat, thinů she may be the greatest actress since Oprah.") And Mark Evanier.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:30 AM