Kind of half-assed, though, don't you think? How about this instead:
Well, this changes everything. A little bird just pointed me to Micah "Sgt. Crock" Wright correcting a mean ol' Freeper who said rude things to him. Wright explains why he never became an Army Ranger like he might have accidentally claimed to be once or twice:
For your information, I didn't continue on in ROTC and get my commission because I snapped a tendon during Jump School after Advanced Camp the summer before my Senior Year. To this day I can't run fast and my leg hurts on cold days. It's not that I didn't WANT to do it, it's that I COULDN'T do it. That doesn't forgive what I did, but maybe it gives you a little clearer picture of my commitment to this country.
And to the truth!
(Interesting note: Wright's now-cancelled comic book series was called Stormwatch: Team Achilles. Maybe he named it for his tendon that he really and truly did snap?)
The team coverage of the 2004 DNC by Welch & Blair (or Blair & Welch, depending on how you feel about Australians). This, along with Layne's musings, will be my only voluntary exposure to this first of two quadrennial CO2-expulsion festivals.
Shouldn't You Be Working? Every week in this feature, cartoonist Johnny Ryan posts a disgusting cartoon lampooning some comic strip or superhero comic. For the last few weeks he's been making poopies all over Marvel Comics. Do not read these cartoons if you're offended by jokes about pee-pees, poo-poos, same-sex sex, or any combination thereof. If you do like that sort of stuff, you can buy his books here.
The Achewood blogs (scroll down, to the right). I don't think anybody has used blogs in quite this way before. If they have, I doubt they've done it this well. Put the 11(!) Atom feeds in your Bloglines thingie and watch the stories unfold.
Whatever else you feel like, I'm not your babysitter.
Somebody really needs to register RestoreIrony.com.
When did James Hetfield turn into Stuart Smalley?
So that's what Donnie Darko was all about, huh? After seeing it a couple of times and stumbling through the official site, I'd gotten as far as, "Okay, so the jet engine was from... the future? A future? And he had to... had to... UHHHHHHH" And then I gave up. What the hell, I still liked it on an emotional level. Sparkle Motion! Tears for Fears! "I'm voting for Dukakis!" It had a sweet/creepy blend you'd never quite seen in a movie before. But who knew the whole thing was so carefully constructed? Check it out. (It's at ZZZalon, but it's actually quite good.)
Looks like Layne's given up blogging, I remember thinking to myself. He's got the music thing going on now, and I guess that's his main deal these days. Well, good for him. It was fun while it lasted, blogfather... Oh me of little faith!
Did anybody else see The 50 Greatest Condiments of All Time on Food Network? The best was when Michael Ian Black was like, "I don't think it would have 'blown up' the way it did if they'd called it farm dressing." And the way he said it without moving his face, it was so hilarious. He should do that more often! And I also liked Best Eastern Front Ever on the History Channel. (Patton Oswalt: "Stalingrad? More like Downgrad!")
If you like that new show Crossballs and its bellowing straight-man host Chris Tallman, be sure to check out his terrific no-budget sci-fi-comedy series Time Belt at Channel101.com. And then watch all the other shows. And then cross your fingers for a Channel 101 series on FX.
Some anagrams for Restore Honesty:
Shoe, Enter Story
Yes, Or He's Rotten
Son, Reset Theory
Re: "Honest" -- Rot, Yes?
Hey, what are you doing inside on a day like today anyway? Don't you know the whole world is out there waiting for you? Don't you?
Yeah, me neither.
I could have sworn I had other stuff to add here. Well, you don't need my help, just do what you think is right. We all trust you.
P.S. Oh! I remember now. On the subject of self-deprecating rap, please make the effort to find an MP3 called "What's Up, Fatlip?" It will require copyright infringement on your part, but I honestly don't think he'll mind.
Because Lileks just dropped a HOUSE on him. (The Thickened Bitch of the East?) Must-read, Best Bleatdown Ever, etc.
Speaking of the lipid-distended truth-eschewer of the moment, what was his deal on The Daily Show tonight? They did a segment on that hapless Michael Moore Hates America guy, Mike Wilson, and Moore himself showed up for a couple of sight gags at the kid's expense. The last shot, after they'd established that Wilson hasn't been able to get an interview with Moore, showed correspondent Samantha Bee clinking champagne glasses with the spherical socialist and grinning conspiratorially. Wilson was not invited, of course. Hey look, a rich old asshole is dodging a scrappy, inexperienced young filmmaker and indulging himself with his ill-gotten gains! Yay! Go team! Hey, waitaminnit...
So I guess that was the "joke"? He's gone from Roger and Me to Me, I'm Now Roger? This is a source of pride, then? Or maybe it's like a meta thing? Or...? As is often the case with Moore, the only coherent message I could find in it is that he's driven by spite.
P.S. Is there any truth to the rumor that the next Spider-Man movie will be a hard-hitting documentary by J. Jonah Jameson called Arachnid 411?
Coincidence? I might have thought so before I saw F9/11, but now I'm a lot smarter than that. It's obviously a plot to discredit both the left and the right at the same time by pointing out what they and their loved ones/new friends/hired help do with their potty-parts. And do you know who would have the most to gain from such tactics?
Seriously, do you? Because that's the part I can't figure out. (Nader? Does he even know what sex is?) But it's totally a conspiracy.
P.S. Daniel Frank writes:
Who's behind it, you ask? You saw F9/11 and you need to ask who's behind it? Hello?!?!?
I considered that, but doesn't it seem a little too obvious? That's what they want you to think! Nevermind who "they" are right now, just trust me on this. (Also, I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Bu$hitler.")