February 25, 2005

Three Four items for that @$$

  1. I haven't really paid much attention to this, but they say nice things about me so I guess that's worth a link.
  2. Stephen King talks to USA Today about the last few episodes of Lost:

    "It's been in neutral for the last month or so, he says via e-mail. "I have no clear sense that they know where they're going. My initial interest could be rekindled, but right now it's... er... getting lost."

    Yeah, Steve, don't you hate when it's painfully obvious that a writer is just rambling and stretching things out and has no idea how to end a story? By the way, you wrote The Tommyknockers.

  3. Terry O'Quinn is a superstar.
  4. James Van Der Beek has a new show called Three. It's named for the number of feet between his eyebrows and hairline.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:06 AM | Comments (17)

February 24, 2005

One big difference, Josh...

We can spell.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:16 PM | Comments (4)

February 22, 2005

Dear Googlers:

No, the guy who played Napoleon Dynamite is not dead. Okay? The complete lack of news coverage of such an incident might have been your first clue.

However, I totally heard that [fill in the blank, commenters].

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:51 PM | Comments (16)

February 19, 2005

Things I am enjoying today

House of Cosbys

Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich

Daft Punk Is Playing at My House, A-My House

He's back

Sunshine, exercise, and the love of a good woman

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:26 PM | Comments (3)

February 18, 2005

Napoleon Dynamite is a role model for today's youth, and Roger Ebert is a stupid bodagget

A lot of times I won't read reviews of a movie until after I've seen it, because they're usually wrong. Like Roger Ebert's hatchet piece on Napoleon Dynamite:

We can laugh at comedies like this for two reasons: Because we feel superior to the characters, or because we pity or like them. I do not much like laughing down at people, which is why the comedies of Adam Sandler make me squirmy (most people, I know, laugh because they like him). In the case of Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder), I certainly don't like him, but then the movie makes no attempt to make him likable.

Napoleon Dynamite isn't likable? Why, because he looks different? Because he acts weird? Is Roger Ebert really the guy who should criticize other people for being funny-looking and having poor social skills?

If you haven't seen the movie, go rent it and come back. If you have, read on. Here's why Napoleon Dynamite is too likable, Ebert, you fat lard:

  • Loyalty: Napoleon doesn't have many friends, it's true, but he's fiercely loyal to those he has. He encourages his friend Pedro to run for class president, in spite of the odds, and stands by him even when things look bleak. And in the short film Peluca that introduced the character, he even gave up the chance to buy a totally sweet fanny-pack so one of his friends could buy a wig to cover up his shaved head. That's awesome.
  • Dedication: You think Napoleon was born with those smokin'-hot dance moves? Heck no, he had to work at it. He worked his butt off. Not because he knew he'd need it someday, but just because he wanted to be good at something. "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills." Same with his drawing. Yeah, he's got a ways to go, but he's dedicated to his craft. You know, making art? Not squeezing into a movie-theater seat and whining about it? He's also pretty good at sign language, and you have to work on that a lot I think. And he's been developing his talent for detecting defects in dairy products by taste, which is probably valuable in rural communities.
  • Courage: He asked a pretty girl to the school dance. Sure, her mom made her go, and she ditched him as soon as they walked in the door, but at least he didn't just sit at home watching videos. Not everybody's like you, Ebert, you idiot. He also stood up to his dumb Uncle Rico, who could probably kick his butt even though he's 40. This one time he even got into a car with a couple of Mexicans.
  • Passion: Napoleon gets mad. He gets mad that people pick on him all the time, he gets mad that his uncle makes him look like a jerk, he gets mad that he doesn't know how to fit in. What's he supposed to do, for crap's sake? Sit around and eat a whole pizza or something? No, he rejects the Ebert Way and stands up to the world.
  • Imagination: How many animals have you created, Ebert? Well, Napoleon created the liger: "It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic." It's probably not edible, though, so no wonder you don't care. [Note: Ligers really do exist, which I knew and I was just testing you, GOSH!]
  • Thoughtfulness: How did he woo that girl? He drew her picture. Maybe he's no Norman Rockwell or something, but he thought it would be nice. And when Deb left her stuff on his porch and ran off, he brought it to school for her. He also complimented her on not being too fat to drink whole milk. And he caught her a delicious bass. You might want to try thinking of others sometime, Ebert, you fricking whale.

There's probably more I'm not thinking of, but I have a lot to do today. The point is, Napoleon Dynamite is a hero. If your reality sucks, you can make your own. You can do that by eating everything in sight and watching movies all the time, or you can learn to DANCE AWESOME. Okay, Ebert? Don't take it out on Napoleon just because he made the right choice and you didn't, blimpy.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:17 AM | Comments (49)

February 16, 2005

Jim Henson's Kofi Annan Babies

I didn't read this Slate article beyond the subhead, "Adult Impersonators at the Model UN, and the Perils of 'Exceeding Your Brief'," but it led me to wonder... If a member of the Model UN molested little kids, just like they do in the real UN, what would be the criminal charge that they wouldn't imagine themselves subject to? And isn't "exceeding one's briefs" a particularly unfortunate turn of phrase?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:05 PM | Comments (5)

Your assignment

Enter this contest.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:55 AM

February 15, 2005

Here you go, Michele

king of pop.jpg

Submit your own loving epitaph (knock on wood!) here.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:03 AM | Comments (1)

February 14, 2005

Sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy the show

I don't know about you guys, but for the last 3 months or so, it's been like Christmas every day.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:45 AM | Comments (5)

February 07, 2005

Been busy

Things have been crazy at work, with no sign of letting up. It's Shandrelle's first week on the fry machine, and guess who gets to train her? Wish me luck.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:02 AM | Comments (8)

February 02, 2005

"Fake But Articulated"

That's what the AP's excuse should be for what nobody is calling Hasbrogate. What headlines can you think of?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:34 AM | Comments (28)

February 01, 2005

I lost my dolly! Where's my dolly?

Oh, there it is!

See? See??? It's time to pull all of our GI Joes out of Iraq. Act now, Mr. Bush. Or their polyurethane will be on your hands.

NO BOBA FETT FOR OIL

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:08 PM

If you're getting hit with trackback spam today...

...see Ann Elisabeth's Blog. She is on the case.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:27 AM