Can the Kindle find me a girlfriend?
Well, if you take the Kindle with you in public and an attractive woman notices it, that might be a good way to strike up a conversation. So... maybe!
I have a sink full of dirty dishes and I don't feel like doing them. Can the Kindle help?
The Kindle store contains almost 90,000 books, as well as a selection of newspapers, magazines, and other reading material, all available for wireless download almost instantly. We can't guarantee you'll find something there to help you with your problem, but it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility.
The Kindle looks like something that fell off the Battlestar Galactica. The original Battlestar Galactica. What's up with that?
We believe that once you're immersed in the reading experience, the device itself should be secondary. Its design is supposed to be as unobtrusive as possible while reading.
Yeah, but there's no shiny chrome or pretty lights or anything. Look at this, it's not even in color!
The Kindle uses a new technology called E Ink that mimics real paper. We think that once you see the difference between the Kindle's screen and the screens on most other electronic devices, you'll agree that it provides a much better reading experience.
But it can't even play Half-Life?
No. Then again, neither can a book.
Come on, man.
73h DRM 0n 7h1$ 7h1n9 1$ 73h $uxx0rz!!! Y???
Reading is a fundamentally tactile experience, in which the velvety touch of the paper, the sublime scent of the binding glue, the crisp sound of the turning pages, and each mortality-reminding paper cut play as much or even more of a part than the words on the page. Why can't I just read a regular book?
You can read a regular book.
My mother was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. Will the Kindle cure her cancer?
We're sorry to hear about your mother and wish her the best, but the Kindle is a device for downloading and reading electronic text. It's a very good one, we believe, but that's all it is.
Why doesn't Jeff Bezos care about my mother's brain cancer?
Jeff Bezos is a nice man. If you have any questions about the Kindle, we'd be glad to answer them as best as we can.
You guys are touting this piece of crap like it's the greatest thing ever invented, but it can't even handle a little brain cancer. Why don't you take your Kindle and shove it up your ass?
The Kindle is very rugged, but we have to admit, that's one durability test we haven't tried.
Well, why don't you try it, you fucking cancer-loving assholes?
Thanks for your questions, and have a great day!
Oh, that's it, run away.
(For some other reasonable expectations and rational, clear-headed criticism of the Kindle, see the Amazon.com Kindle review page or pretty much anywhere else on the Internet.)
I should have put my e-mail address or URL at the bottom of that "You gonna light that pipe?" cartoon I posted a few months ago, because apparently it's been floating around a lot lately and sometimes they don't credit me and that hurts my frail ego. As I was Googling for the phrase "You gonna light that pipe" because I'm a self-obsessed idiot, I saw that Graham Linehan, co-creator of one of my all-time favorite shows, Black Books, linked to that cartoon on his blog. Well, linked to one of the copies of it that didn't credit me. So that's nice, in an "eBaum's World" kind of way. Also, Linehan loves Michael Kupperman, as should everyone. Looks like Kupperman drew the blog banner, too. Nice.
Linehan's blog doesn't have comments or an e-mail address, but maybe he'll find this post in one of his self-Googling sessions. (We all do it, there's no need to be ashamed.) The last few years' worth of old comics that I put new words on are here, so maybe he'll like some of those too. And then what? And then nothing.
P.S. Even if you're not Graham Linehan, thanks for checking out this sad, neglected webhovel. Every weekday I have been trying hard to be amusing at the Blowing Smoke blog, every once in a while I throw something in at the Daily Gut, and maybe soon there'll be other places you can read my writing if that's how you want to live your life.
P.P.S. I did that cartoon for the Jay Pinkerton Forum, where every once in a while they'll post old comic-book panels and you get to scribble them up. It is enjoyable. And no, I don't know who the artist was, so my apologies for not giving him credit. He's dead anyway, probably.
P.P.P.S. Go here for a bunch of folks at reddit.com debating this cartoon at great length. People will argue about anything.