Mother, May I Sleep with Treacher?

Good news: At this rate, eventually you'll be considered rich!

No, sir, you certainly are not

"I'm not Sarah Palin," Olbermann said.

But I'll bet he's got the outfit at home!

Bill Clinton: Obama "Probably Won't Destroy America"

Kissimmee, FL -- During a joint appearance Wednesday with Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton came out with his strongest endorsement yet.

"This guy," Clinton began, before a significant pause. "What can you say about this guy? What. Can. Ya say."

With Sen. Obama smiling on at his side, Clinton continued: "As you all know, we had a tough fight earlier this year. Hillary and I, that is. Against the wonderful Barack Obama, I mean. And he won. I know, I get it. We allllll get it.

"And now... here I am. How about that."

After a smattering of applause, Clinton added, "Hey, one thing you won't have to worry about over the next four years? Having a president who's smarter than you. If you've ever felt intimidated by your commander-in-chief's superior command of the facts... well, that's not exactly gonna be a problem, is it? If you don't want the guy in the Oval Office reminding you of his experience and qualifications all the time: done deal.

"So, congratulations on that one."

Speaking over the cracking of the wooden podium under his grip, Clinton closed out his comments: "Look, if you're worried about dying of poverty or at the hands of a foreign enemy who senses our country's newfound weakness, I'd put it at... what? 60/40 against? I could go as high as 62. This genius over here probably won't destroy America."

As he knocked over the podium and left the stage without making eye contact with Sen. Obama, Clinton could be heard humming the 1985 Robert Palmer hit "Addicted to Love."

Previously:
Biden Clarifies Earlier Remarks on His Dread of an Obama Administration

Don't want your taxes to go up? Barack Obama thinks you're selfish

Seriously. If you think you have a better idea what to do with your own money than the government does, you should be ashamed of yourself. Obama is saying that. In public. After the events of the last three weeks.

And yet McCain is supposed to be in trouble?

I like Hillary's supporters. That's right, I said it!

If you read only one blog post between now and Election Day, please make it this one at HillBuzz. These guys (or gals, or whoever they are) have seen Obama's mind games in the primaries, and they know the tricks he and his drones are trying to play on us:

(1) Calls for McCain to just give up and quit, because the race is over.

(2) Wild claims of Obama winning states that shock and surprise you.

(3) Repeated insistence that blacks and young people will decide this election, and they are all going to vote in record numbers for Obama.

They explain why you shouldn't believe these things, or believe in their importance, just because Obama desperately wants you to believe them. If he can't get you to vote for him, he's trying to get you to stay home Nov. 4. If you let him tell you what to do, then you'd better get used to it.

As HillBuzz says:

If you, collectively, can keep Republicans and other McCain voters from falling for these, we believe there’s nothing Obama can do to win this election. The ONLY way McCain loses is if you Eeyores allow the media to keep you from the polls.

Pass it on.

You want to know why I'm not worried?

This is why I'm not worried. They may as well have typed "We're not scared, maybe you're the ones who are scared" 110 times and hit Send.

They're freaking out.

Steady.

I seriously want this guy to run for president

Tito, I mean, not the bespectacled revenant he just schooled:

Hannity needs to not talk so much when Tito could be using that time to further humiliate Colmes. I'd make a joke about why the walls of Colmes' throat are so raw, considering his unfailing service on behalf of Obama, but I'm trying to keep this blog as PG-13 as possible.

(thx, fellow trollfighters)

Why is it that the Hillary supporters have more fire in the belly than most of you [CENSORED BAD WORD FOR PENISES]?

Read this. Print it out and take it with you wherever you go. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Do not take anything anybody says about this election at face value. (Except me. Me, you can trust. No, really.) Do not be an Eeyore.

If I grow up, I want to be Iowahawk

Er, I mean T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII! If you're sick of all these pundits who keep marching toward socialism, read that there deal right there.

I'm a "prominent politics blogger," apparently

Read this and notice how I'm the second-dumbest guy on there. I'll let you decide who's #1.

"Of course, Jim Treacher and Mark Steyn are basically on-line versions of Sean Hannity..." Thank me!

...that you'll ever do

There he is, America. The man who could be a heartbeat away from the presidency. The man who'll take over if, say, Obama dies of lung cancer or some other ailment we don't know about because he won't release his medical records. (Assuming Biden doesn't have another aneurysm first.)* The man who said "jobs" is a three-letter word, and FDR went on TV to talk about the stock market crash of '29, and people in wheelchairs should stand up to be recognized, and America will be attacked if Obama is elected, and any number of other embarrassments. The man who once proposed sending Iran a no-strings-attached check for $200 million as America's way of saying, "Sorry for provoking 9/11!" The man who had to drop out of the presidential race 20 years ago for plagiarism, and has more hair and fewer wrinkles now than he did then. The man who has screwed up so many times over the last few months, even Karen "Don't mention the crimes of Obama's pal Franklin Raines or you're a racist" Tumulty is sick of it.

This is the man who's being hidden by his own campaign after decades of national prominence because he's a [FILTHMOUTH] idiot.

But have you seen that Palin chick? Wotta dope, huh?

One comfort, if these creeps do get elected: It'll be fun to listen to Mark Levin tear "Plugs" Biden a new one every single day until Obama stops talk radio.

*Hey, if you don't like me saying so, you shouldn't have brought up McCain's health problems. Aww, are you gonna cry? Is baby gonna cry?

Another sign of Obama's inevitability

Fabulously wealthy celebrities are threatening to leave the country if he loses. Why would they say that if they thought such a thing was even possible?

Correction to the above-linked article, since the LAT can't afford editors anymore: Stephen Baldwin threatened to leave the country if Obama wins. And I'm pretty sure he was mocking all those other dopes.

How about Joe the Plaintiff?

Checks on Joe the Plumber more extensive than first acknowledged

Ask a question, and the government will retaliate. With the eager cooperation of the press. This is the future these guys want.

Question for Obama voters: How do you rationalize away all the evidence that your hero has done more to suppress free speech in the last 2 months than Bush has done in the last 8 years?

Followup: Is the cognitive dissonance making you crazier than you already were, or is your preexisting craziness helping you escape the reality of your own debasement?

At this point, I wouldn't be surprised

Beldar addresses Obama's tiny little credit-card fraud issue:

"The Obama-Biden campaign might just as well have set up dumpsters all over the world into which illegal donors could dump shopping bags full of cash donations made in unmarked small bills."

Noticing the brazen, arrogant malfeasance on the part of this presidential campaign is racist.

Introducing: Li'l Obama!

The great Batton Lash does it again (with a little help from yours truly). After the jump:

Previous Batton fun here, here, and here. And check out his fine comicky goodness at exhibitapress.com!

P.S. Feel free to post this on your own blog, but please don't hotlink it.

P.P.S. I totally forgot: Happy Birthday, Batton!

P.P.P.S. "I'm not quite sure if this is just crass or racist or both." Well, it's about Obama's own public statements. So of course it's crass! And it's drawn to resemble him. So of course it's racist!

Did Obama just lose Florida?

Can you say anything you want, as long as it's phrased as a question? If so, do you have the media to thank for that technique?

Doug Ross has received a tip from somebody (inside the L.A. Times?) who he says has given him good information before. The tipster says:

Saw a clip from the tape. Reason we can't release it is because statements Obama said to rile audience up during toast. He congratulates Khalidi for his work saying "Israel has no God-given right to occupy Palestine" plus there's been "genocide against the Palestinian people by Israelis."

It would be really controversial if it got out. That's why they will not even let a transcript get out.

So now let's all watch the LAT deny this, without providing the very evidence that would disprove it. If you ran a newspaper that was accused of hiding something like this, and you had the evidence to shove in your accusers' faces, I'll bet you could come up with a better excuse for withholding it. Let alone four lame excuses in a row. Why not just publish a photograph of the tape being eaten by a dog?

Forget the Great Schlep. This could be the Great Plotz.

P.S. Over at Dirty Harry's Place, the reward for the tape has gone up to $200,000. And apparently it's real money.

P.P.S. A former LAT reporter writes to the LAT:

"The moment a journalist says he is using a secret report to validate his work, and then refuses to reveal the full contents of the report, he is guilty of the kind of conduct that deservedly brought Sen. Joseph McCarthy to disgrace."

People sure do want the L.A. Times to start doing its job

It's turning into quite a payday for the brave soul, John or Jane the Whistleblower, who produces a copy of this tape everybody's talking about. Go to Dirty Harry's Place and scroll down.

And think back to, oh, right around this time 8 years ago. What was the big story?

Bush Acknowledges 1976 DUI Charge
November 2, 2000

We get it, media geniuses: If the guy's a Republican, then it's entirely relevant to bring up a misdemeanor from a quarter-century before. Big, big news. Gotta get it out there. But if the guy's a Democrat, then a five-year-old tape of him partying with a PLO flunky -- not to mention William Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn, the Steve & Eydie of insane America-haters -- is ancient history. Just another distraction.

But then, you guys have minimized or outright ignored many, many other stories that could reflect badly on Obama. Why should you treat his eager participation in a Jew-bashing bash any differently?

Go ahead, LAT. Keep it to yourself and let us imagine the worst.

P.S. And to all you other [9-letter word that rhymes with "sickbeds"]: If you can twist a diplomatically worded 90-second greeting on video into a ludicrous claim that Palin is a secessionist, we can bring up Obama's active, in-person participation in this event. And that goes double for the repellent cave creature who's always interrupting Hannity.

P.P.S. And: "Two-thirds of the record-breaking haul Obama raised for the final stretch of the campaign comes from a racket set up to facilitate fake names, phony addresses and untraceable cards." Move along. Nothing to see here. Buy your tickets for the coronation or your name will be put on the watchlist. And now, here's the half-hour prime time infomercial, paid for by None of Your Business.

P.P.P.S. Do you suppose this Obama/Khalidi tape would be news to the victims of The Great Schlep?

Will Vote 4 Food

Judge rules Ohio homeless voters may list park benches as addresses

Obama is inevitable, huh?

Jonathan V. Last remembers Dean Barnett

He was a pretty damn remarkable guy.

The Weekly Standard blog has a lot more on Dean and some of the many people whose lives he touched. I knew he had a career as a lawyer before he focused on writing, but I didn't realize he'd been a headhunter. (Note to the editors of the L.A. Times: Not literally.) Which makes perfect sense. He kept headhunting as long as he could.

Thank you, Dean.

Mocking false accusations of racism is racist

The great Batton Lash looks at ATTYNSTSAO (All The Things You're Not Supposed To Say About Obama). The cartoon's a little wider than my blog margins, so it's after the jump:

Check out Batton's site, exhibitapress.com!

Say...

NRO:

Let's try a thought experiment. Say John McCain attended a party at which known racists and terror mongers were in attendance. Say testimonials were given, including a glowing one by McCain for the benefit of the guest of honor ... who happened to be a top apologist for terrorists. Say McCain not only gave a speech but stood by, in tacit approval and solidarity, while other racists and terror mongers gave speeches that reeked of hatred for an American ally and rationalizations of terror attacks.

Now let’s say the Los Angeles Times obtained a videotape of the party.

Let's say you read the rest. Say this is highly reminiscent of the way the LAT turned a blind eye to the Rielle Hunter story, except this one actually matters to you and me. Say it's no wonder the LAT just laid off 10% of their staff.

Say we don't need these unethical bums anymore to find out the truth.

P.S. Even more bad news for the LAT: Patterico.com is back.

Barbara West has a Wikipedia entry just for asking Joe Biden some questions

Imagine that. It took Rielle Hunter weeks to get one after she made national news. But then, the only questions Rielle ever asked a candidate were, "Why are you putting on that condom?" and "Why are you putting on that paper bag?"

(Thanks to the guy with the best screen name and attitude ever.)

What does Elaine Lafferty, a staunch Democrat and former editor in chief of Ms. Magazine, think of Sarah Palin?

Not what you'd expect. At least if you've been paying attention to what all the other "feminists" have been saying.

The comments are funny. A Democrat providing a reasoned defense and outright praise for Palin, based on personal knowledge? That's the worst thing ever. Whereas the Republicans who've incoherently slammed Palin, based on little more than the completely biased and outright hostile media coverage? Oh, they're just wonderful.

Again: If Obama is inevitable, why do these guys and gals sound so nervous?

Mark Levin is analyzing the latest Obama audio right now

Listen. (XM Ch. 166, Sirius Ch. 144, syndicated stations & times here)

Like I've been saying...

"...the technology explosion has given people, voters, individuals an amazing opportunity. They can learn everything they want to learn about these candidates without us."

Dean Barnett, R.I.P.

He passed away today. He was only 41.

My condolences go out to his family. He was a great writer and he did a lot to encourage me. Just last month he reached out to me about a possible opportunity, but we weren't able to work it out. He told me it was okay, but now I'm ashamed that I didn't allow myself to be a better friend to him. I'm very sorry, Dean.

P.S. Hugh Hewitt has a very thoughtful remembrance of Dean.

P.P.S. More at Hot Air.

Remember: Yelling "Tell 'im!" is hate speech

I'm not about to check, but this might be the first time Sarah Palin has ever given Andrew Sullivan an erection.

Just add it to the list of calm, reasonable responses to Palin.

P.S. More left-wing wit.

Open thread

And?

Reality keeps confirming that kuh-razy ol' right-wing rhetoric

The polls are crap.

Obama is a socialist -- I repeat: a socialist, a guy who thinks the government doesn't have enough control over you -- who tries to repress free speech and pals around with terrorists.

The media is willing to betray its own ideals, not to mention sacrifice its own well-being, to cover up Obama's misdeeds via obfuscation or just plain suppression of the truth.

Nothing to see here, folks. Just do as you're told, and Obama will make everything okay. He controls the tides. He'll give you free lollipops for life. Don't ask questions and nobody gets hurt.

P.S. Until the Obama campaign manages to take this down:

P.P.S. Full transcript.

P.P.P.S. HillBuzz, AKA the people who've experienced firsthand how low the Obama campaign will go, has some good advice: "We can make Obama's socialist admission viral."

Barbara the Reporter

And now the complaints that she wasn't "vetted," in 5... 4... 3... 2...

From cop-killer to cop-caller

I don't like Bill O'Reilly. Usually I can't watch him for more than a few minutes unless he puts Mary Katherine Ham on the screen with him. (Sometimes he even lets her finish a sentence!) But he is to be commended for being the first guy to even look for William Ayers:

What does Joe the Plumber do when you stick a microphone in his face? He acknowledges you. He answers your questions.

Because he hasn't done anything wrong.

They've all gone after a guy who fixes pipes to distract us from the guy who used them to blow stuff up. Before he realized he could do a lot more damage to America with a stealth bomb wrapped in a $1,500 suit and remote-controlled by a teleprompter.

Time to defuse it.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?*

Many thanks to the Hot Air commenter, whose name I forgot to write down, who pointed me to this:

"You cannot tell from appearances how things will go. Sometimes imagination makes things out far worse than they are; yet without imagination not much can be done. Those people who are imaginative see many more dangers than perhaps exist; certainly many more than will happen; but then they must also pray to be given that extra courage to carry this far-reaching imagination...

"This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

That was Winston Churchill in Oct. 1941, talking about the Nazis. This was months before the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. America had expressed support for Britain, but we hadn't entered the war. And still Churchill was defiant. He looked the dirty stinking Nazis right in the eye and said, "No. Not on my watch."

How about a little of that, guys?

Note to my fellow countrymen: You are reading this without fear of censure or repression, in a room that is neither unlivably hot nor cold, free from hunger or able to remedy it within minutes. You have the hard-earned knowledge and wisdom of human history at your fingertips. You can get up from your computer and go wherever you want, do whatever you want, as long as you don't hurt anybody else. Or you can exercise your right to reply to me, or to anyone, in any manner you choose. And thanks to this miracle/curse called the Internet, you can make yourself heard.

You're free, in a way that Americans in 1941 never could have imagined. You have more power as a private individual than anyone else in the history of the world. Right now.

You can talk back to the people who are lying to you, lying about you. You are not helpless. We are not helpless. Their constant drumbeat -- "Obama is inevitable, Obama is inevitable, Obama is inevitable" -- is a sign of weakness, not strength. If they really thought he could win on his own merits, they wouldn't be trying so hard to brainwash you.

Most of all, you can vote. You might try to outwit yourself: "Well, I live in a blue state, so my vote doesn't matter anyway. Besides, they've already pretty much bragged about how they're going to steal the election, and they're getting away with it." All the more reason to take a little time out of your day on Nov. 4 and spite them. They think we're stupid. They think we're cowards. They think we'll believe whatever they say just because they're the ones saying it. Personally, I have no interest in proving them right.

So: Do you think maybe you can hold it together in the face of a few biased polls, princess? A few ads funded by fraudulent donations from Allah knows who? A few turncoat pundits who wouldn't waste their Zinfandel-tinged spittle on you? Do you think you can keep from browning up your panties for just 10 more days, dear heart?

Stop. Whining. One Christopher Buckley is enough, thank you.

Or, to put it much more succinctly, in not-safe-for-work terms:

Fuck these guys. They can't tell you what to do. Yet. Don't you dare give them the chance to try.

*Kids these days. You gotta explain everything to them (NSFW):

ATTN: Cryptozoologists

You've never found the Loch Ness Monster. Bigfoot has so far eluded you. The Chupacabra, the Jersey Devil, the Crawfordsville Monster, the Yeti, the Wendigo, the Bondo Ape... Not a trace. But as of today, we can strike one heretofore mythical creature off your list:

The Reporter with a Conscience.

Biden's been undergoing the same sort of training with Ted Baxter

No wonder Sarah Palin did so well on "Saturday Night Live." Since she was tapped as John McCain's running mate, the Alaska governor has been receiving intense media training from top New York-based presentation coach Priscilla Shanks, who regularly trains the talent from ABC News and CBS News...

Sorry, Hollywood. She's gonna be a bit busy.

You know who has a really tough job? Tina Fey

Boo hoo. At least you're getting paid for your contributions. We're not all so truly, truly fortunate...

Hey, why did you donate to Obama?

Recently it's been alleged that the Obama campaign has disabled online security settings that would prevent illegal credit card donations, thus opening the doors for massive fraud. Which, Obama's detractors claim, is why he's raised an unprecedented amount of wealth that he's spreading around to advertising agencies, television networks, video game manufacturers, and anybody else who'll put his name, face, and soothing words on something.

I decided to look past the spin and ask the folks who really know what's going on: the donors themselves. Here's what a few of them said!

• "I donated because America is ready for a change." -- Spider Mann
• "Anything I can do to help. He's handsome and he makes me feel happy inside." -- Paul Bunyan
• "You mean you haven't seen him dance?" -- Al J. Zira
• "McCain is super-old. Why isn't he young? I like 'em young." -- Cruella de Vil
• "I've always been a fan of slogans I don't need to think about too much." -- P.W. Herman
• "If my $199 donation under a different name every 10 minutes can't save our country, I don't know what can." -- Hugh G. Rection
• "What's wrong with being social? Besides: Social Security. Hello?" -- K. Powers
• "It is least I can do for nation I am loving so much, my longtimes home since to be, ehhhhh, birth: the America." -- V. Putin
• "I feel guilty about not paying enough taxes." -- Arthur Fonzarelli
• "Did you see the shoes that c*** was wearing?" -- Dora T. Explorer
• "I'm sick of being called a racist." -- Auric Goldfinger
• "Thees keed's got the goods!" -- Fidel C.
• "After 8 long years, it's finally time for some transparency in government." -- Captain Silly Ppppbbhht

And another right-wing smear bites the dust. Nice try, wingnuts!

How to prove Barack Obama is not a socialist in 5 easy steps

1. Give a dictionary definition of socialism.
2. Ignore how Obama's uncharacteristically honest answer to Joe the Plumber (whoops, no teleprompter!) dovetails with The One's well-documented longtime friendships and working relationships with a bunch of radical socialists.
3. "A Republican did something that could be called socialist, which means Obama isn't an even bigger one."
4. Point to a phony poll and claim the message isn't connecting with voters.
5. Hit Send.

What's $5.3 million divided by $150,000?

The Temple of Barack cost $5.3 million. That's how much the DNC spent on the ridiculously overblown backdrop to Obama's dumb acceptance speech that nobody could even remember 24 hours later. Too bad they didn't add a few more Greek columns, or we could call it the Six Million Dollar Sham.

And I don't see him traveling with that set. (At least Spinal Tap got some use out of their Stonehenge.) Is the DNC auctioning it off for charity, like the RNC is going to do with the Palin family's campaign threads?

Perspective: 45 minutes of fascist iconography = Two months's worth of clothing for 35 Palin families. A subject, by the way, that you're only bringing up to distract people from Biden's public promise that if Obama is elected, we will be attacked.

The Palins aren't millionaires. She hasn't written two autobiographies about how great she is. She's not keeping the clothes. And now you guys have opened up this line of rebuttal. You really messed up.

Again.

Patterico's new digs

He's now at patterico.net. Change your links to that, because it looks like they're running ads now on patterico.com.

And he could use your help finding out what happened to his site:

Anyone know a good civil lawyer with experience in dealing with domain registration issues, who might be willing to take on a case pro bono, or even just give some general advice on the policies and procedures involved in rescuing a hijacked domain? I’m not to that point just yet, but it may be headed that way.

P.S. Looks like his domain has been hijacked.

Andrea Mitchell and the rest won't do it, so it's up to us

If you think more people need to know what Biden said, please go here, get the embed code, and put this on your own blog. McCain hasn't been committing massive credit card fraud, so he can't afford to do the sort of outright spamming Obama has done with his TV ads. It's easy to fake grassroots support when America's enemies abroad are flooding you with cash.

Hey, maybe it'll be on SNL this week

Whatever you say, Opie, as long as you promise to pay my tax bills

This helpful reminder from Obama for America: Time is a bitch.

"I'm not telling you this as a Republican or a Democrat. I'm telling you this as an overpaid, underinformed circus clown."

And why's Ron so desperate? Why are the people who don't vote the way he wants us to vote "scared"? I thought Obama had nothing to worry about.

Sarah Palin Supersizes Fries

By David Axelrod, Associated Press

Media Bubble, Oct. 23 -- Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has come under fire in recent days after it was revealed that earlier this year, a drive-through meal purchased by the Alaskan Governor contained more than the usual number of french fries.

The discovery was made during a routine Associated Press search of drive-through security camera footage obtained from the McDonald's restaurant at 130 Front St. in Juneau, less than a mile from the governor's mansion. On a tape from Feb. 15 of this year, a woman closely resembling Palin can be seen speaking intently for several seconds, pausing, and then nodding her head and smiling. According to lip readers hired by the AP, the woman may very well have been saying, "Oh, you betcha." And in subsequent interviews, restaurant staff have identified the woman as the governor and confirmed that on the night in question, Palin very likely would have been asked about her desired number of fries.

After days of controversy and several evasions ("I sure don't remember specific details about a fast food run I made last winter. Aren't you being a little silly?"), Palin yesterday acknowledged responsibility for her part in the culinary misappropriation widely known as Deliciousgate.

"Okay, I remember now. Trig was kicking away something fierce, and I really had a craving for a double cheeseburger," the former beauty queen and killer of defenseless animals admitted. "Usually I try to eat pretty healthy, but every once in a while you gotta treat yourself. And I figured the little guy wouldn't mind. Todd said he wasn't really hungry, but he could eat some fries maybe. So when the gal asked if I wanted to supersize it, I figured we could just split the fries. Those things are so tasty."

During an appearance in Indianapolis today, President Obama -- delivering his speech in front of his usual backdrop, an enormous solid-gold statue of himself -- scoffed at the greasy slob's miserable excuse for her career-ending irresponsibility.

"Sarah Palin says she's just an ordinary working-class American. [laughter] Now it turns out she eats strips of potato that have been fried and salted. And if somebody offers her more of them for a slightly higher price... that's just fine with her. [boos] Go along, get along, eh, Governor? Are you going to throw away the American people's money too? We cannot afford to have this woman in the White House. Er, I mean a cancer-ravaged heartbeat away from the White House."

Pres. Obama then emitted a discreet puff of arugula-scented flatulence, curing a nearby blind child.

(At press time, Morgan Spurlock could not be reached for comment on this story.)

Previously:

Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"
Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal
McCain Refers to Obama as "My Opponent"
Biden Clarifies Earlier Remarks on His Dread of an Obama Administration

P.S. Welcome Farkers! Fark.com: If Passive-Aggressive Sarcasm Won Elections, We'd Be Backing Lieberman

Michelle Obama didn't actually call her husband's opponents evil racists

At least not in public. (Just kidding, Michelle!) It looks like that whole thing was a hoax. If you trust WorldNetDaily and Fox News, that is. API still insists they're going to release the audio, but that seems about as likely as somebody making a porno about Joe Biden.

I really showed my keister on that one, didn't I? Sorry, guys. I would've gotten around to correcting this sooner, but I've been so totally outraged that the Palin family isn't running around in potato sacks.

(Thanks for the reminder go out to the inaptly named Jon Swift.)

Google Morton Downey Jr. backwards swastika

That all I'm gonna say, except: A distraction is a distraction, no matter which side it's coming from. How about being silly geese and waiting for these crazy things called facts.

P.S. One way to be sure this is a hoax is if the press doesn't suddenly drop it.

Update: Yup. Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. R.I.P., Bigmouth.

Obama: "And I needed a Greek temple"

McCain: "She needed clothes"

Obama is not a Democrat just because he says he is, anymore than a wolf is your grandma just because he’s wearing her bonnet

Something to remember the next time one of these Axelturfers says you're accusing all Democrats of being socialists. No, just the ones who espouse socialism.

Look: Obama was asked a simple question that he wasn't adequately prepared to answer falsely. And it confirmed what we'd already suspected from his long history with William Ayers and Saul Alinsky and ACORN and the other socialists who've shaped his view of the world. Deal with it.

The first 60 seconds of the "Sarah Paylin" p0rn0

Safe for work, probably:

(thx, superficial) Yeah, I know, but you have to keep in mind that this movie cost about as much to make as the Palin family's wardrobe budget Obama's Greek columns.

When Palin gets a question about this -- and she will, especially if Biden keeps speaking in public between now and Nov. 4 -- here's what she should say: "Well, it's nothing I haven't seen before, as you might have guessed from my five kids. I figure these guys can say what they want, as long as they spell my name wrong."

P.S. Watching it for the fifth time, strictly in the interest of research, the dialogue is actually pretty funny:

Paylin: "Can I offer you boys a drink?"
Russian soldier 1: "No thanks, we are already pretty drunk."

As long as the Palin family's wardrobe budget is on the table, how about Obama's iffy donations?

Is his campaign involved in massive credit card fraud? (Please note how I framed it as a question, so I can make the accusation without consequences. Thanks for the helpful hint, media!)

Steyn is all over this today: here, here, here, here, here, and here. That last one is the most important one right now: Don't make a donation under a phony name to test it. They're already verified it.

If this is true, and Obama knows about it, I don't see how it can possibly matter. He was only 5 years old when MasterCard was founded.

P.S. And if it's true, does he still get to spend his ill-gotten gains on that primetime infomercial? Can he still afford the rent on the offices of the New York Times?

Patterico lives

You can't get to http://patterico.com right now, but http://70.32.75.225 will work. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for the LA Times.

Yes We Hen

David Sedaris sure doesn't like undecided voters:

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of s*** with bits of broken glass in it?"

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

Please note that in his own subtle, witty fashion, Sedaris just called Barack Obama a chicken. In the New Yorker. And he got away with it!

Do you suppose he had anything to do with this ad?

Sarah Palin's The Palin family's new wardrobe cost about as much as Obama's stupid Greek columns

Pass it on.

So, putting up a ridiculous stage set that made Obama look like a fascist jackass, and then packing it away after one night? That was fine. $140,000-150,000 well spent. But spending the same amount on enough clothes for two months on the campaign trail? That's the biggest scandal since... well, since all the other Palin scandals that weren't.

Have they made an attack on Palin yet that hasn't backfired? Do they think we won't know when it backfires, just because they don't report it on NBC?

P.S. Oh, and now it turns out that the money was to clothe her whole family. How about that. But I'm sure if the Palins were running around in what they wore before she got picked, none of these brainiacs would've had anything bad to say about that.

Did you know Obama's clothes descended from the heavens on a glowing golden cloud? Also, he's a radical socialist and his own running mate said he'll start another world war. But whatever.

P.P.S. That price tag was only for the columns themselves. The whole thing cost... you won't even believe it. If there's an axiom that sums up the Obama campaign, it's this: The more ridiculous something sounds, the more likely it is that it's true.

If you have any doubt that Andrea Mitchell will do anything she can to get Obama elected, watch this clip until the end

Right after Palin's acceptance speech:

It's not like she's a ray of sunshine under the best of circumstances, but at that moment, I actually felt a little sorry for the old gal.

Not anymore. Now she's been caught trying to cover up Biden's mega-gaffe. Apparently she thinks:

1. He didn't mean to say that America absolutely will be attacked if Obama is elected. Well, as he put it, twice: "Mark my words." I'm pretty sure that meant he was speaking on the record.
2. You and I don't have the right to know.

She talks into a camera for a living. She gets to decide that Biden's public statement isn't important. We're not smart enough to figure it out for ourselves. After all, we might get the wrong idea.

Didn't it used to be Speak Truth to Power? When did it become Hide Truth for Power? Guess it all depends on the Power.

Finally, Obama says something that's demonstrably true

"Don't underestimate the capacity of Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Don't underestimate our ability to screw it up."

Is Biden rubbing off on him, or vice versa?

Biden Clarifies Earlier Remarks on His Dread of an Obama Administration

Richmond, VA, Oct. 22 -- At a campaign stop in a Richmond-area Denny's earlier today, Delaware Senator and Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden followed up on his controversial claim last Sunday that within the first six months of an Obama administration, America would "have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy."

Biden's statement to the press:

"Ya know, I kinda put my foot in my mouth the other day... [chuckle] You folks know how I can get, with the words and the talking and the babbling and the yammering and so forth. But I just wanted to clarify those remarks. I know I speak for Obama when I say that we are ready to lead. Come what may, we are gonna be out there in front. Because I gotta tell ya, when this great man, this fantastic young African-American kid who I'm proud to call my closest friend, when he becomes president, the American people need to know that you are all gonna be grabbin' your ankles every April 15 for the rest of your probably-shortened lives.

"I mean, the taxes, they're gonna be unbelievable. Holy f***. So we'll need your help with that. You're gonna have to pay 'em. There's no way we can repel a full-scale nationwide tax revolt without resorting to nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, at least in the scenarios they've shown me, so we're countin' on you to do the right thing.

"And I'd say to America, this land that I love: You've all seen what an agent of change Barack Obama is. He's brought together people from all walks of life. He's inspired every single person in this country, no matter who you are or what you look like or even if you're into, y'know, the funny stuff. [chuckle] Which is gonna be a great comfort when the Obama administration strangles the U.S. economy and sets off a long, terrifying race war.

"It is gonna suck beyond anything you could ever imagine. I'm not even kidding. I have a great fondness and admiration for the African-American people, I think they've done some great work over the years, but when push comes to shove, I know which side I'm on. You follow me?

"But Obama is gonna be there, and he's gonna learn the ropes, probably. It'll be really hard for you guys to survive in the nightmarish, decaying wasteland he'll make of this great nation, but those are the sorts of experiences that shape a man. And I know he's gonna come through it okay, at least in terms of his own personal safety."

Before being escorted out of the restaurant by frenzied campaign aides, Biden added, "And don't forget Iran! They know he's a pushover. Which is one of the things I love about the guy, he's a pussycat, but these animals? Boy oh boy. Can you say 'suitcase nuke'? I don't know for sure which city, but I'm guessing one of the smaller Midwest towns we're not watching that closely, maybe Omaha or Akron or one of those deals. You should probably start evacuating now.

"Okay, whoa, looks like my time's up. Easy on the threads, fellas, it's a rental. [chuckle]"

(Note to any media outlet that uses this: You had better by God credit me.)

If RNC = Real Nice Clothes, then DNC = Distractions from a Nincompoop's Craziness

But thanks for the link.

Speaking of Biden, I've been getting some tips on his followup statement, which the media has been trying to bury as well. Developing...

$150,000, that's a lot of money

Scandalous. Say, is that more than Obama has spent on ads this morning?

And what's that? We actually know where this money came from? Well, that's weird.

Do you think the press is desperately trying to make Sarah Palin look bad to draw attention away from something that's inconvenient for them? Let's say, Joe Biden's attempts to sabotage what might be his last shot at the White House, at the rate his face is melting? I'm asking because I'm not sure. The fact that the JTP pipe-bomb they built blew up in their faces might have something to do with it too. In this hypothetical scenario, I mean.

You know what Einstein's definition of insanity was, right?

Well, it's fun to watch. Keep up the good work, People Who Are Smarter Than Us!

By the way: Notice how nobody on the right is pointing at Biden and yelling, "Eagleton!" You know, the way the left keeps doing whenever Palin scares them.

It's a simple three-step process

1. Ruth Marcus of the Washington Post makes stuff up and expects people to believe it because she's saying it.
2. Tracy Miller Quinn provides a service formerly performed by editors, way back when newspapers could still afford them: fact-checking.
3. We all point and laugh at Ruth Marcus.

Try it with one of the brainiacs at your least-favorite paper. It's fun! And it'll give them something to whine about in their next column. So everybody wins.

Maybe Biden's smarter than we think

McCain has promised to reach across the aisle if elected, right? So maybe "We'll get attacked plenty quick under an Obama administration, just you wait" is Biden's way of angling for a cabinet post? I'd say he's earned one.

Secretary of Da Dunce!

You bet I am

And if Obama gets elected and you stand in his way, or so much as refuse to avert your eyes, you'll be Joe the Plumber too.

Zo's latest

I always feel like I need a Red Bull after one of his rants. Mainly because I'm jumping up and down laughing and cheering the whole time, and I'm not used to the exercise.

All of his videos are good, but if you watch only one other, make it The Vote Reaper. Sure, it's right-wing violence, but what great choreography. "Oh, you'll have to pry my vote from my cold, dead hands, baby!"

Speaking of Obama's clothes...

The great Batton Lash weighs in on our new friend Joe the Plumber, who had no idea a mere 10 days ago that he'd ever plumb the depths of the media's shamelessness:

If you think there should be a fourth panel where Obama says something to try to stop it, you must know something the rest of us don't.

Previous Batton: Hope!

P.S. If you post this cartoon, please link to Batton's site, exhibitapress.com. He does some cool comics.

Sure, Obama is an avowed socialist, and Biden says electing him will trigger another 9/11 (which would be just fine with William Ayers), but let's get back to the real issues

Forget all those distractions. What about this???

Did she forget to put juice boxes in their lunches, too?

Who at the AP vetted Brett J. Blackledge, Adam Goldman, and Matt Apuzzo? And why aren't newspapers abandoning the AP faster?

P.S. No distractions:

Did you know Michelle Obama makes all of Barack's clothes by hand? The workers control the means of fashion.

They really need to change the name from the Politico to the Obamico.

P.S. How many millions is Obama spending on ads every week? How much is he spending to possibly postpone game 6 of the World Series with his dumb infomerical? And when is he going to tell us where all that money is coming from?

Josh the Whiner

If these crybabies act like this when a construction worker has the unmitigated gall to question their infallibility, just think how they'll feel in 2 weeks when the whole country does.

If I were a congressman, I'd introduce the Sufferin' Succotash bill just so Barney Frank would have to say it

And that was my Mark Levin liveblog.

It's a bit awkward, but "pickpocket" would be [the R-word]

Palin dubs Obama: 'Barack the Wealth Spender'

But fine, I'll say it, for Google purposes: Barack the Pickpocket. Hey, if they're going to call you a racist no matter what, why not tell the truth?

Two ways you know McCain and Palin are saying something true about Obama

1. Somebody in the comments of a blog desperately insists McCain and Palin are lying and it's not going to work and nobody cares.
2. A media professional or other prominent Democrat calls it racist.

If you want to destroy my banner, hold this thread as I walk away

If I have to explain this post, you shouldn't be reading this blog.

Wait, come back!

(thx, marcus)

What are the first three words of the Constitution?

We the Politicians?
We the Reporters?
We the Pundits?
We the Pollsters?
We the Academics?
We the Actors?
We the Comedians?
We the Worms?
We the Shadowy Left-Wing Billionaires with Unnerving Accents?

Okay, that last one was way too many words, but you get the idea. This crap isn't working on me, and the harder they try to get me to stay home on Nov. 4, the harder I circle my calendar.

And on that note, please enjoy David "Indigestible Waste" Corn getting schooled by a Colombian-born construction worker and McCain voter named Tito Munoz. You can skip the first 80 seconds of Obamanchurian boilerplate if you want to get to the good stuff. And note how the still image they used was one of the wackjobs selling those stupid bumper stickers, who got clowned for it by McCain supporters:

Go, Tito, go! And here's something even more humiliating to Corn that he left out of his report, but Byron York didn't:

"Let me talk," Munoz said to Corn. "I know the Constitution, and I know my First Amendment -- "

"I'm not the state," Corn said. "I can't take that right away from you."

"No, no," Munoz shot back. "Even the state, the state cannot take that right away."

"Right, right," Corn quickly agreed.

"Nobody can take that away," Munoz said.

Yet.

Having a camera pointed at you or a desk in a newsroom does not make you a genius, and having a hard hat and a toolbelt does not make you a dummy. These guys still don't get that, which is why they're going to blow it.

Obama wanted to whip up a class war, but somehow I don't think this was what he had in mind.

(thx, john)

Misogynists for Obama

"The problem for Obama isn't ambition, it's hubris. A more grounded politician would have put in the work to match their aspirations. That Obama hasn't done that bespeaks a tremendous, even scary, overconfidence."

-- An adult

Oh wait, that quote is actually about Sarah Palin, and it's from Ezra Klein. I saw it at a great new site called frighteningprospect.com, which -- and I might need to double-check this -- leans a bit to the left. Here's how they're combating the scary, scary hate speech (that never actually happened) from the evil Republicans:

Please send this to every undecided voter you know. If this doesn't convince them one way or another, I don't know what will.

P.S. And remember, if somebody yells "Tell 'im!" at a Palin rally, and a very stupid reporter either mishears it or outright distorts it as a threat, that's right-wing hate speech from hateful right-wing haters who lean to the right. That's national news. But this kind of crap, it's just "on the fringe."

You want to wear a t-shirt that says Sarah Palin is a See You Next Tuesday? Hey, this is America. You want to hurt a defenseless woman for daring to hold a McCain/Palin sign? Ahhh, no big deal. Want to trick McCain into a photo shoot for a national magazine, and then use the pictures for the vilest propaganda imaginable? Artistic license. Want to say "F*** all y'all" to an entire political party on your former comedy show? Brave social commentary. Want to plaster up signs in public places depicting Palin as a bloodthirsty ghoul? Youthful exuberance.

Want to yell "Tell 'im!" at a political rally? You racist. You Nazi. You Republican.

"Let's play a little game... which candidate on a national political ticket hasn't held a press conference in over a month?"

The answer may surprise you. (If you've been brainwashed. In which case, you're already formulating whatever excuse you need to believe to calm your cognitive dissonance.)

Still planning to vote for Him?

Read this.

In which I give Obama a bad rap

A little over a month ago -- time flies! -- I shared a rap I wrote for Obama to help him remind America that John McCain is a war hero with crippling torture injuries. Apparently the Obama campaign has dropped that tactic for some reason, but given all the events since then, I thought I'd have another go at helping him out.

Barry, please feel free to spit this educational rhyme at your next speech, rally, or Black Liberation Theology reading group:

Well! My! Name is Barack and I'm gonna raise your taxes
Intimidated media won't tell ya what the facts is

That plumber was a bummer when his question caused a schism
'Tween the folks who like their paychecks and the fans of socialism

I hung out with a terrorist for 10 or 20 years
But don't you bring it up, or I'll holla "Fight the Smears!"

You racists try to stop me with your bigotry and hate
Just because my bestest buddies used to laugh at Sharon Tate

I've spent a half a billion on an advertising blitz
But according to the polls I worship, it ain't doin' $#!+

I'm getting mad donations and I'm gonna get some mo'
From my man Good Will and my buddy Doodad Pro

My campaign calls your house all day and bugs you while you're eatin'
And ACORN ain't about to stop the unrepentant cheatin'

I smirk, I'm a jerk, and I work within the system
To bring about a class war that will crush capitalism

Alinsky is a prophet and I think you oughta listen
I'll send an "Action Wire" if you even try to diss him

It's only a coincidence I'm going into hidin'
After weeks of harsh attacks by an imbecile named Biden

So don't you mess with me or I'll vet ya till you're quiet
And if I'm not elected, then there's gonna be a riot

PEACE!!

What. They did it to Palin. Was mine as good?

Sick grandma.

Okay.

"I gotta do it now before Obama takes my money"

That's what my new friend Matt said when he dropped a few pesos in my Paypal. He didn't leave an e-mail address, so I just wanted to say thanks for the bucks and the chuckle. And to remind everybody that I do have a Paypal button. (Not a beg, just a reminder. Do whatever you think is right. Just remember, "spreading the wealth around" ain't charity if you think I've earned it. And unlike Obama, I have no plans to force you to.)

And while I'm at it, thanks also to everyone who's written in over the last couple of months. I've been trying to reply to everybody, but if I missed you by accident, thanks very much. I really appreciate your support, and I hope all this stuff is doing some good.

Jeez. What is this, Oprah? Here is a picture of a liberal for you to point and laugh at:

That was their reaction when they lost in '04. They actually took head-tilty pictures of themselves, with signs saying "Sorry, everybody" to all the other countries we were somehow supposed to atone to. I can't wait to see what they come up with this time!

But what if McCain loses, you ask? It's possible, I suppose. (Go, ACORN!) Well, I might indeed make a "Sorry" sign, but it will be addressed to the American taxpayer.

But Obama was only 40 years old when Ayers said this

Regrets? He's had a few, but then again: "Is it one of those regrets that I took extreme measures against the United States at a time of tremendous crisis? No, it is not. I don't regret that."

Palin is supposed to be held responsible when somebody at one of her rallies yells "Tell 'im!" and a reporter, The Man in the Orange Hat, hears "Kill 'im!" And we're supposed to believe Obama didn't know anything about his close friend and colleague William Ayers publicly bragging about his crimes.

This is kind of like the Rielle Hunter media coverup, except with the orphaned offspring of murdered police officers.

Do you still subscribe to a newspaper? If so, why?

"We need to fix this, fast. Were there any plumbers in the crowd?"

Joe the Dumber, AKA Biden, whose latest facial mutation resembles a glob of bread dough with two raisins pressed into it*, sure is making Palin look like the stupid one:

"Mark my words," the Democratic vice presidential nominee warned at the second of his two Seattle fundraisers Sunday. "It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don't remember anything else I said. Watch, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy."

See headline.

*I know, I know. But at least McCain is under no illusions about the hands of time. If these idiots get elected, every month they'll ship drums of virgins' blood to the Naval Observatory for Biden to bathe in. Just kidding, they wouldn't necessarily need to be virgins.

How did he manage to liquify 2 or 3 episodes of St. Elsewhere?

Via Lileks, who also wonders why Joe the Plumber is under so much more media scrutiny than Bill the Bomber. Sure, Ayers did some mischievous things 20-40 years ago, and his deep, longtime friendship with Obama only reinforces the whole socialism thing. But Wurzelbacher's van was parked in a handicapped spot while he ran inside to pick up his pizza last month. Why don't you talk about the issues that affect us today, instead of living in the past? Quit trying to change the subject, wingnuts!

I'd say "cut it out," but you know how I feel about puns

Quick note to the jerks who don't understand that there are plenty of legitimate ways to oppose Obama's supporters: If you slash their tires, they can't go away.

Good thing he missed his flight that morning, huh?

Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane compares McCain and Palin to the Nazis.

Ask me again why I'm not worried.

You heard it here first

Wurzelbacher/Munoz '24!

"But Jim," you're saying, "Tito Munoz would be constitutionally ineligible because he's not a natural-born citizen." Well, when has that ever stopped anybody?

P.S. Here's the original article. Tito rules, and David Corn proves why he's named after a vegetable commonly embedded in feces.

Shorter Corn: "How dare that guy ask about taxes, when he's got a property tax lien he didn't even know about until Obama's oppo researchers dug it up? Er, I mean the media. Anyway, let's talk about anything but Obama's socialist worldview."

Is mentioning that Obama wants to raise your taxes a distraction from the economy?

I admit, I don't really understand the whole Freddie & Fannie thing. I know it has to do with people being encouraged to buy mortgages they couldn't afford, and that the politicians who made that possible are now telling me they're the only ones who can fix it. And I know it's causing big problems with the economy, with lots of huge numbers being thrown around. But it's all a bit abstract.

Having to pay taxes? That I understand. Being told I should pay more so that somebody who's even lazier than I am can get a handout? That I understand.

And I understand not wanting to be crucified for asking about it.

Did Obama really start his political career in the living room of a radical socialist cop-killer?*

Patterico, a name whispered in solemn tones within the increasingly lonely halls of the Los Angeles Times, has dug up evidence that Obama did in fact get his start in the home of William Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn. More specifically, evidence that somebody's trying to scrub that fact from the Internet. If it's not true, why try to hide it? Why not update the post and just say, "You know, I remembered that wrong. Never mind."

You need to decide, Obama fans: Either this stuff didn't happen, or it happened but I'm not supposed to care that he lied about it. You need to pick one or the other and stick with that.

P.S. Patterico has a screenshot of the now-deleted post from the Musings & Migraines blog, which is still archived here. And in the interest of "information wanting to be free" (thanks, lefties!), here's the full text:

Thursday, January 27, 2005
Get to know Barack Obama
When I first met Barack Obama, he was giving a standard, innocuous little talk in the livingroom of those two legends-in-their-own-minds, Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn. They were launching him--introducing him to the Hyde Park community as the best thing since sliced bread. His "bright eyes and easy smile" struck me as contrived and calculated--maybe because I was supporting another candidate. Since then, I've never heard him say anything new or earthshaking, or support anything that would require the courage of his convictions. I only voted for him in this last race--because his opponent was a pinhead. And I've been mostly alone in my views. But maybe that's changing.

Thanks, Barack. By voting to confirm Condoleezza Rice for Secretary of State you confirmed my opinion of you as someone who will not come through when it counts. You voted with the entire Republican membership rather than your compadre, Dick Durbin, and the man you supported for president, John Kerry. Your sense of collegiality is ridiculous under the circumstances.

What are all those people who thought you walked on water thinking now? I'm just wondering who's going to whisper in President CandyAss's ear when Condo's busy playing Secretary of State.

Back in January 2005, what possible reason would this woman have to make this up? Did she just pick three names at random?

P.P.S. Considering the events of the last two months: If you think this story is important, I highly encourage you to cut and paste the preceding quote onto your own blog, with a link to the archived copy. They can't stop all of us. Yet.

Here's the Google cache, in case that other one disappears.

*Sorry, make that two radical socialist cop-killers.

"Spread the wealth around"

Just a reminder that those are the four words Obama wants you to forget he ever said.

Hang in there, Joe. And get some rest, guys. Stay sharp.

Here's how to answer "Did you know the Annenberg Challenge was funded by a Republican and included many Republican leaders?"

"Well, how about that. Did you know the planes used on 9/11 weren't built by terrorists?"

The sprawling skyscraper where Barack Obama and William Ayers worked together for years but never laid eyes on each other

"Yes, Ayers and I worked on the same floor, but don't all buildings have floors? Are we going to check all the floors in all the buildings? This is just a distraction from the distraction I'm trying to distract you with." And so on, and so forth.

Given Obama's proven fondness for the working man, perhaps this building has a custodian who can keep Joe the Plumber company under the bus. Not a lot of room left down there...

P.S. Better pic.

Here's why I haven't watched this guy in almost 4 years

Content warning for adult language and childish parochialism:

"I've never heard such a disparity between how cute someone sounds when they're saying something and how terrible what they're saying is." True fact: Obama has gotten where he is in spite of his looks, and he has yet to tell a single lie.

"After eight years of this divisiveness, we're back to this idea that only small-town America is the real America." Hey, Jon. There are more stand-up comedians than plumbers, right? (Larry the Cable Guy is a special case, I think.)

And if all criticism of Obama is racist, can we start calling all criticism of Palin misogynist?

Jon Stewart hates women.

(thx, MKH)

Well, at least it's made more than An American Carol...

Box Office Mojo:

Ooof. It edged out that Bill Maher movie too, so at least there's that.

Stone should have gone with his first instinct and called it No Country for Old Chimps. That might have sold a few more tickets. I'd try to make a joke based on another Josh Brolin movie, but I can't think of any.

P.S. A day later, the total at Box Office Mojo is actually down by $45,000. So either they counted wrong or at least 4,000 people demanded their money back.

"We speak truth to plumber"

Steyn!

One correction: Joe wasn't on a rope line. He didn't go out of his way to accidentally expose Obama's big secret. Well, one of his big secrets. Obama quite literally came to Joe. And now David Axelrod is atoning for his very, very serious mistake -- letting Obama wander around in public without a script -- by sending his astroturfing kiddies all over the Internet to defame Joe and distract us all from Obama's publicly admitted socialism. Then those lies and half-truths and rumors get funnelled from the left-wing blogs to the "news." The exact same process they used, and are still using, to try to derail Palin.

I'm not the only one who can see this, right?

At least they're hearing us, even if they're not listening

Archives are racist

It's not a Photoshop. Besides, if it's not important, why would you try to say it's a Photoshop? And he really is mentioned in the book. By the guy he barely knew well enough to say hi to when they worked in the same small office for three years.

I can just see it now: "These clippings are fake, and besides, I didn't really like the book as much as I claimed. I was only 35 when I didn't write that." Etc. Same thing with this Joe the Plumber smear campaign, and "100% of my opponent's ads are negative," and "I never heard Rev. Wright say a single bad thing in 20 years," and every other attempt to cover up something that might make voters think twice about Obama. He and his acolytes will say anything and make themselves believe anything.

The Obama Way: Just throw out every denial and non sequitur you can think of, even if they contradict each other. Scatter so much chaff that your opponents get distracted by all of it, and the people who aren't paying close enough attention eventually shrug and say, "He couldn't be that big of a liar, could he?" And do it with a calm, earnest tone and a serious look on your face to hypnotize morons like Christopher Buckley.

If you support Obama, please watch some TV Land and realize that you want to elect Eddie Haskell.

I have to believe that enough voters are seeing through his rhetorical tactics, and resisting his effort to turn our doubts about the content of his character into doubts about the color of his skin. Enough voters are catching on to make a difference. He can't brainwash everybody.

Can he?

P.S. On Oct. 8, Obama's communication director had this to say about the Obama/Ayers friendship to Sean Hannity and the other one:

HANNITY: Wait a minute. Wait, he did blurb his book, you know?

GIBBS: No.

Communication directed.

I'm starting to think we should just cancel the Internet and go back to CB radio

According to David Burge, some dimwit has set up a Cafe Press store selling crap with that "I Am Joe" banner. They're trying to make money off this guy who might just lose his job, and definitely has lost any sense of privacy, for talking to a politician. Every time I think people can't disappoint and disgust me more, they prove me wrong.

Sounds like Burge is trying to put a stop to it, but in the meantime, if you see anybody selling stuff with this logo on it:

None of the money is going to Joe. So don't buy anything with that logo. Whoever's selling it is a... I'm really trying not to curse these days... a stupid, incompetent, or detestable person. That about covers it.

P.S. Nicely done. I'm really starting to wonder if Obama hired Dr. Evil and he's zapping us all with a space-based mind-control ray. Except even less funny.

They are sweeping Obama's socialist answer to Joe Wurzelbacher's question under the rug

The Associated Press has a story about Joe's appearance on Mike Huckabee's new show on Fox News last night. Apparently Joe talked about how much fun he's not having as these rabid media freaks try to tear him apart. But the story totally skips over why they're trying to tear him apart:

Wurzelbacher became famous after he met Obama and said the Democrat's tax proposal could keep him from buying the two-man plumbing company where he works. However, reports of Wurzelbacher's annual earnings suggest he would receive a tax cut rather than an increase under Obama's plan.

Who's doing the suggesting? Beats me. Must have been suggested in the hourly instructions they get from the Obama campaign.

More importantly, there is no indication whatsoever of how Obama replied to the question. In case you missed it, this is what he said:

"It's not that I want to punish your success. I want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance for success, too. My attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody. I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

They can't repeat that, of course. They can't risk even more people finding out that Obama is a socialist. Even though it's the only real reason we're still even talking about Joe the Plumber.

It is completely bizarre. There's no stated explanation in the AP story why Joe's the target of this media assault. They're attacking him, you see, because they're attacking him.

Yeah, McCain mentioned him in the debate, fine. That doesn't explain why they're treating Joe like this. Is he the first person McCain's ever mentioned in a debate? Is he the first person who's ever asked a politician about taxes?

No. He's under assault because he happened to be there when Obama was caught without a teleprompter and started babbling about socialism in front of a TV camera.

We need to get in their faces. We need to say, "Why are you doing this?" We need to get them to admit it.

info@ap.org

P.S. Here's the interview (thx, michele). Huckabee gets it:

His story hasn't changed; we're just too dumb to get it straight

• "William Ayers is just a guy who lives in my neighborhood."
• "I talked to him now and then, but I had no idea what he had done until later. I will now repeat the phrase 'detestable acts' 27 times."
• "Yes, like I said, he launched my political career in his own living room and I knew about the bombings and stuff all along, but I thought he had been rehabilitated. I learned about it some time after we met, which we have yet to do."
• "Sure, we served on some boards together and spent tens of millions of other people's dollars on an 'education foundation' that would frighten any reasonable person who learned anything about it, which they won't because the press isn't interested and I have no knowledge of it. As I have maintained all along, and I'm surprised you're misremembering this, I've acknowledged that Ayers and I were colleagues. But I never knew about those despicable acts he acted upon despicably, which I condemned then and still do."
• "Did you know I was never actually a member of the Weather Underground? I resent that you're accusing me of something you're not accusing me of. That bad stuff happened 40 years ago, which means it couldn't possibly have repercussions now. Despicable acts are detestable and vice versa."
• "The fact that I wrote a newspaper blurb (accompanied by my picture) for one of Ayers' books, a book in which I was mentioned by name, has been known all along. I am filing a lawsuit against the GOP for spreading this disgraceful lie. You are getting very sleepy."
• "Did Bill Ayers and I work in the same office for three years? Of course we did. I've never denied that. And yes, it was a very small office, which [grins] was not illegal the last time I checked. But his desk was facing in a completely different direction than mine, and I wasn't even born yet when that building was constructed. Also, there are lots of buildings in Chicago. Look, this is boring. Can I be president now?"

Good question

"What, exactly, is so awful about 'spreading the wealth'?"

Oh, nothing.

Now that we've cleared that up, Mr. Cohn, I'll take yours. Gimme. I haven't earned it, but it's not fair that you have more than I do. Hand it over. No, you don't have any choice in the matter. No, you don't even know me. No, you don't know what I'm going to spend your money on. It's none of your business. Obama said I could have it. What are you, a racist? Cough it up. Show a little patriotism. There we go.

snl haiku

palin raised the roof
fey's resemblance? not so close
poehler's water broke

P.S. After the Weekend Update deal, Palin is the only one on either ticket I can see having a really good time at a wedding reception. If you think that's a bad thing, you suck.

P.P.S. I only saw the Palin clips online, so I don't know if any of the other sketches stole from me again.

My letter to Jodi Kantor of the New York Times

From: Me
To: kantor@nytimes.com
Re: I've got a hot tip on Cindy McCain

She's got really pretty eyes. Do you think you can use that?

Well, it was worth a shot. In any case, thanks for trying to trick a teenage girl into helping you with your hatchet piece on her friend's mom by pretending to be friendly to her. All's fair, right?

I'm assuming you guys have time before the election to do a followup story on Cindy's surreptitious nosepicking or something. Unless you're still busy "vetting" Joe the Plumber's parking tickets, overdue DVD rentals, and whatever else you can dig up to distract us from Barack Obama's now-revealed radical socialism. Not to mention all the various other unsavory aspects of Obama's character and record that might prevent him from taking office if you weren't suppressing them. Good thing you guys did pinky swears!

Just kidding. A lot of people say that you folks know you're not going to be in business for much longer, so this might be your last chance to throw an election. They say you'll go to any lengths to protect the Democrat. Especially since he's a Democrat you can point to and say, "There. See? This proves I'm not a racist!" But I don't believe a word of it. You're just doing what you know in your heart is right.

Hey, did you know that the guy who has befriended and mentored Obama for decades, and even babysat his kids, is also responsible for the death of several cops? And he's still pretty pumped about it? Yawn!

Why don't you go ahead and have a great day.

Your pal,
Jim Treacher
http://jimtreacher.com

Obama is a socialist, and the press is going after Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher as a way of distracting us from that

I don't have anything to add to it that I haven't said already. Just thought it was worth putting in big bold letters.

Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher... sounds like a pro wrestler! And can you prove he's not one, you wingnuts?

My letter to Time Magazine

From: Me
To: letters@time.com
Re: Thank you for exposing the truth about Joe the Plumber

Does this mean Obama isn't really a socialist?

It's almost like you guys are digging through this ordinary working man's life to distract us from how Obama answered a simple, honest question about his tax plan. But why in the world would you do that? It's not like it would hurt Obama's chances if you focused on how, in his own words, he wants to take my money -- on top of what I'm paying to the government already -- and hand it to people who haven't earned it. And I don't get to choose how much he takes, or who it goes to. Because otherwise, Obama says, life isn't fair.

AKA socialism.

But no, this plumber is the real problem. Get him!

You guys had better buy a bigger coffee machine for your subscriptions department, if you can still afford it. They are going to be working overtime on this one.

Jim Treacher
http://jimtreacher.com

And the week's biggest victim of a hostile media is:

Barack Obama!

"I am convinced that if there were no Fox News, I might be two or three points higher in the polls. If I were watching Fox News, I wouldn't vote for me, right?

"Because the way I'm portrayed 24/7 is as a freak! I am the latte-sipping, New York Times-reading, Volvo-driving, no-gun-owning, effete, politically correct, arrogant liberal. Who wants somebody like that?"

I would've guessed cappuccino.

It's not enough that he has the overwhelming majority of the media -- not to mention the left-wing blogs that are apparently their main source of information -- in his pocket. He can brook no disagreement whatsoever. Want to go on the radio to talk about his past? You must be stopped. Want to put out ads about his positions on the issues? You must be stopped. Want to ask him a question when he descends from the heavens into your neighborhood while you're playing football with your kid? You must be stopped.

Obama is the victim, no matter what. That really is how he sees himself. Vote for President Princess!

Why do you think Palin knocked him for a loop in the first round? Because she mocked his behavior. She got big laughs by re