August 30, 2009

That was the original title, swear to God

With apologies to DC Comics, artist Win Mortimer, and whoever wrote the original Jack Schiff:

Superman Says: 'Hop on the Welfare Wagon!'

Thanks to ComicMix for the original, and to insomnia for the inspiration.

P.S. Must-watch: Why We Don't Need Socialized Medicine

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:32 AM

August 18, 2009

Metal bones beneath a living shell

(With apologies to John, Paul, George, and the other one)

hulksmash.jpg

Michelle

Michelle, that smell
Indicates you like to lift barbells
Push-ups as well

Michelle, it's swell
You're more like monsieur than mademoiselle
Yes, we can tell

You're scary, you're scary, you're scary
That's all I want to say
Until you go away
I will hide your human growth hormone till you understand

Michelle, do tell
Skynet sent you back here to raise hell
Nice power cell

I need to, I need to, I need to
I need to make you pee
Into this cup for me
I'm telling you, it's steroid use that makes you so mean

I fear you

I want you, I want you, I want you
To release my throat right now
I'll break your grip somehow
Until I do, I'm hanging here from your veiny hand

Michelle, I fell
Stomp my windpipe so I cannot yell
It's my death knell

And I will gasp the only words I know that you'll understand: Go to hell

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:05 AM

August 16, 2009

A New Definition of Chutzpah

You've probably heard the definition of chutzpah: A boy who's convicted of murdering his parents and begs the judge for leniency on the grounds that he's an orphan. Now we've got an example that's almost as... well, audacious.

A few months ago, President of the United States Barack Hussein Obama said this about his grandmother:

President Barack Obama said his grandmother's hip-replacement surgery during the final weeks of her life made him wonder whether expensive procedures for the terminally ill reflect a "sustainable model" for health care.

The president's grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, had a hip replaced after she was diagnosed with cancer, Obama said in an interview with the New York Times magazine that was published today. Dunham, who lived in Honolulu, died at the age of 86 on Nov. 2, 2008, two days before her grandson's election victory.

"I don’t know how much that hip replacement cost," Obama said in the interview. "I would have paid out of pocket for that hip replacement just because she's my grandmother."

Obama said "you just get into some very difficult moral issues" when considering whether "to give my grandmother, or everybody else's aging grandparents or parents, a hip replacement when they're terminally ill."

Which is why he now wants the government to take more of a hand in those decisions. Which is why, apparently, we should listen to him.

Then yesterday, during his "townhall" meeting in Colorado, Obama said this:

"I just lost my grandmother last year. I know what it's like to watch somebody you love, who's aging, deteriorate and have to struggle with that," an impassioned Obama told a crowd as he spoke of Madelyn Payne Dunham. He took issue with "the notion that somehow I ran for public office or members of Congress are in this so they can go around pulling the plug on grandma."

And thus, we have a new definition of chutzpah: A President of the United States who complains about the expense of alleviating his dying grandmother's suffering, and who then uses her death as evidence of his compassion.

You may not have run for office specifically to pull the plug on grandma, Mr. President, but you're obviously not going to let her get in your way.

P.S. Speaking of hip replacements, Biden's a pretty swingin' guy.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:58 AM

August 15, 2009

Rage to Help the Machine

(With no apologies to Zack de la Rocha, Tom Morello, Tim Commerford, and Brad Wilk)

assholes.jpg

Shilling in the Name

[TEDIOUS INSTRUMENTAL INTRO]

Shilling in the name of!

Some of those that dissented wish their rivals relented
Some of those that dissented wish their rivals relented
Some of those that dissented wish their rivals relented
Some of those that dissented wish their rivals relented
Uhhh!

Shilling in the name of!
Shilling in the name of

And now we tell ya to shut up (x 12)

Those who yelled were so compelled, but now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white
We now condemn the lot of them, yeah, now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white
Those who yelled were so compelled, but now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white
We now condemn the lot of them, yeah, now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white

Some of those that dissented wish their rivals relented (x 4)
Huahh!

Shilling in the name of!
Shilling in the name of

And now we tell ya to shut up (x 4)
And now we tell ya to shut up, we're the ones in control (x 7)
And now we tell ya to shut up!

Those who yelled were so compelled, but now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white
We now condemn the lot of them, yeah, now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white
Those who yelled were so compelled, but now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white
We now condemn the lot of them, yeah, now it's all wrong 'cause the throng is white

Shut up!

[GUITAR SOLO THAT SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER GUITAR SOLO THIS GUY HAS EVER DONE]

Yeah!
Shut up!
Ughh!

Thank you, I will do what he tells me (x 8, gradually becoming a shout)
Thank you, I will do what he tells me! (x 8, shouted)

Gosh, he's handsome!
Uhhnn!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:40 PM

August 14, 2009

My favorite moment from Obama's daily townhall greenhouse meeting, this one in Montana

"Hello, Mr. President. Thank you so much for taking the time to speak to us. My name is Michelle O. and I'm a lifelong resident of Butt, Montana. I... [holds finger to ear] Whoops, sorry, that's pronounced 'Byoot.'"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:37 PM

August 13, 2009

You did, did ya?

Now:

yes_we_did.jpg

Soon:

you_did_did_ya.jpg

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:39 AM

August 12, 2009

SMARTEST PRESIDENT EVAR

"I, I recognize, though, you make a legitimate, you raise a legitimate concern. People say, 'Well, how can a private company compete against the government?' If you, if you think about it, uh... y'know, UPS and FedEx are doin' just fine. Right? Th-the, uh... No, they are. I mean, it's, it's the Post Office that's always havin' problems."


(With apologies to The Marvelettes (listen along here) and anyone who is currently experiencing a serious illness)

Your_new_doctor.JPG

Please Mr. Postman (ObamaCare Remix)

Oh yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman
Way-ay-ay-ait, Mr. Postman

Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
If I qualify for surgery
I've been waiting a mighty long time
Just to hear from that doctor of mine

There must be some word today
About my much-needed hospital stay
Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
What are my chances of mortality?

I've been standing here waiting, Mr. Postman
So-oh-oh unhealthy
For just a word from my physician
Saying he'll be getting 'round to me

Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
If it's a gurney or a hearse for me
I'd like to ask, if you really don't mind
For just a minute of a specialist's time

So many days you passed me by
If I don't get help soon, I'll probably die
You wouldn't stop to make me feel better
I've got worse health care than an Irish Setter

Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
What are my chances, oh yeah, of recovery?
You know, it's been so long
Yeah, since I heard 'bout those lab tests of mine

You better wait a minute, wait a minute
Whoa, you better wait a minute
Please, please, Mr. Postman
Please check it and see, am I a casualty?

You better wait, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute
Please, Mr. Postman
It's not just a rumor, please look at this tumor

[slow fade while descending into the grave]

P.S. I'm starting a new group: Combating Republican Astroturfing Progressively. Getting nervous about my sales pitch to Axelrod & Soros.

P.P.S. Previous entries in the Obama Songbook here and here.

P.P.P.S. And of course, the "Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" is provided by Arlen Specter.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:11 AM

August 11, 2009

Just a coupla swell guys

Rahm my Dingell

If you don't know who the guy on the left is, enjoy:

(I'm not sure how the brainiacs at Think Progress imagine this helps them, but hey, who's complaining?)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:38 PM

I refuse to call these things "townhalls" anymore

After Obama's pathetic spectacle today, I'm calling them "greenhouses." Although the real thing has fewer plants.

P.S. If Obama was an SEIU goon, he'd say, "I'm not punching you in the face" as he punched you in the face. And there's a 52.9% chance you'd believe him.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:31 AM

So sit down and shut up

warning.png

(Image courtesy of JohnnyTechnoX)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:36 AM

August 10, 2009

A question I wish a reporter would ask Nancy Pelosi

nancy_pelosi.jpgCongresswoman Pelosi: In your USA Today editorial this week, before you got to the part about how the people who disagree with you are "simply un-American," you mentioned that the Democrats have been trying for universal health care since 1912. In your opinion, has medical science advanced at all in the last 97 years? Are there any, say, surgical procedures you might have undergone recently that weren't available in 1912? Why or why not?

And if you have time for a follow-up: What lies has the CIA told you lately?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:58 AM

August 08, 2009

If Kenneth Gladney was an Obama supporter, right now he'd be more famous than Rodney King

Al Sharpton would have a whole rack of new suits.

What better way to convince people they need the government to run their health care than to put them in the hospital?

On second thought, if Gladney was an Obama supporter, he wouldn't know what "Don't Tread on Me" means. And those SEIU guys (Smash, Endanger, Intimidate, Undermine) wouldn't have beaten him.

More info on Gladney here. And a summary of how the left is trying to make the whole thing go away, here.

Dissent is the lowest form of racism.

Dissent has always been the lowest form of racism.

Doubleplusungood.

P.S. Tonight on Law & Order: SEIU, the team leaps into action when an elderly woman says something fishy about health-care rationing to a Democrat.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:02 AM

August 06, 2009

For John Hawkins

Wanna know how I got these czars?

Paste 'em up!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:30 PM

August 04, 2009

There's nothing like making a new fan!

Just knowing that people care is the important thing...

Date: Tue, 4 Aug 2009 03:19:54
From: David Mathews [dmathew1@yahoo.com]
Subject: RepubliKKKlan ?

Hello Jim Treacher:

I just visited your sewer of a blog ...

http://jimtreacher.com/

And I would like to know how such a hate filled person as yourself can sleep at night.

Your blog will serve to remind people exacly what the RepubliKKKlan party stands for and thereby guarantee the extermination of the religious fundamentalist racist party.

Sincerely,

David Mathews
http://www.flickr.com/dmathew1

***

Date: Tue, 4 Aug 2009 07:38:55
Subject: Re: RepubliKKKlan ?
To: David Mathews [dmathew1@yahoo.com]

Hello David Mathews:

Thank you for taking some time from entertaining millions with your
energetic-yet-nonthreatening music to write to me!

Yes, I'm often asked how such a hate-filled person as myself can sleep
at night. The truth is, a lot of the time I can't. My religious
fundamentalist racism makes me say the most awful things, and then I
toss and turn half the night, my fevered brain unable to rest from its
thoughts of racismness and fundamentality. But then I have a couple
beers and I'm out like a light.

Keep speaking truth to power!

Your new friend,
Jim Treacher
http://jimtreacher.com

P.S. "Ants Marching" changed my life. After hearing it for the first
time, I ditched my dead-end career as an entomologist and went into
blogging. The world has you to thank, LOL

In other news, these icons are cool. #5, 6, and 7 are based on things I've said on Twitter, and #8 is self-evidently true. I really think #7 has legs:

clarity.gif

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:42 PM

Tee-hee

recursiveness.png

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:53 AM

August 03, 2009

Why So Spurious?

Obama-socialism Joker.jpgFrom the LA Weekly blog:

A new poster depicting President Obama as a version of Heath Ledger's Joker character in The Dark Knight has appeared in Los Angeles, according to rightwing sources...

The poster, which bears a very superficial resemblance to Shepard Fairey's famous Obama Hope illustration, has been pasted on freeway supports and other public surfaces. It has a bit of everything to appeal to the drunk tank of California conservatism: Obama is in white face, his mouth (like Ledger's Joker's) has been grotesquely slit wide open and the word "Socialism" appears below his face. The only thing missing is a noose.

Ah yes, we all remember that classic scene in The Dark Knight...

This is what happens to whiteface men in America.

P.S. Here's an oldie but a racisty. And here's Obama with another company's superhero.

P.P.S. Nobody looked for a noose all those other times somebody put a politician in Joker makeup.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:19 PM