September 20, 2009

Midnight LOL

crypty.jpgThe Sydney Morning Herald reports (via Tim Blair):

A Midnight Oil hit advocating Aboriginal land rights in the '80s is being used in the noughties to mobilise nations to combat climate change.

The band's former frontman and now [Australian] Environment Minister, Peter Garrett, helped write new lyrics to "Beds Are Burning," as part of the celebrity-led initiative.

It is driven by the former UN secretary general, Kofi Annan, who heads the Global Humanitarian Forum in Geneva. The forum has assembled 55 singers, actors and models to rerecord protest songs with the aim of cutting carbon emissions.

Among them are British rockers Duran Duran, former Boomtown Rat Bob Geldof, French actress Marion Cotillard and Nobel peace laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu...

Where Mr Garrett once writhed to this opener: ''Out where the river broke/The blood wood and the desert oak/Holden wrecks and boiling diesels/Steam in 45 degrees'', the remake will feature a chorus of well-meaning celebrities singing: ''Down at the river bed/The earth is cracked and dry instead/Farms a failing, cities baking/Steam in 45 degrees.''

Climate change sceptics may ask why the temperature has not risen from 45 degrees in the intervening decades. But such quibbles are swept away in the tweaked refrain: ''The time has come/A fact's a fact/The heat is on/No turning back.''

Now there's an idea!

Skull's So Gleaming

(Bleated to the tune of "Beds Are Burning" by Midnight Oil, which you can listen to here)

Clung to his cranial pan:
A small glob that resembles flan
Facial tics and scary seizures
Spewing crank ideology

The time has come
To say dumb's dumb
To stop this crap
Our ears are numb
The time has come
A joke's a joke
Now we're onto you
So shut it, bloke

How can we put up with warmist dreaming?
How can we see when his skull's so gleaming?
Record sales dried up, but he's still earning
Government jobs don't require much learning

The time has come
To say dumb's dumb
To stop this crap, now
Our ears are numb

His so-called dancing's funny too
A spastic trying to do kung fu
An Aussie leader who lives and breathes
The left's banalities

The time has come
Enough's enough
We've had our fill
Of warmist guff
The time has come
We call your bluff
You're not fooling us
So go get stuffed

How can we put up with warmist dreaming?
How can we see when his skull's so gleaming?
Cadaverous jagoff, the truth he's spurning
Strangling the facts, but they keep on squirming

The time has come
To say that's it
We've had enough of
This "warming" $#!+
The time has come
Your card's revoked
We remain unmoved
You'd better shut it, bloke

How can we put up with warmist dreaming?
How can we see when his skull's so gleaming?

Previously: The Obama Songbook

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:32 AM

September 18, 2009

I find your lack of grace disturbing

May the forced bravado be with you

obamastinks02.jpg

obamastinks03.jpg

obamastinks04.jpg

obamastinks05.jpg

obamastinks06a.jpg

obamastinks07.jpg


obamastinks08.jpg

Previously: Oh, to be a fly on a beer mug...

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:41 AM

September 15, 2009

Freedom still lives in the breast of every American, but some have more room for it

As successful as the 9/12 Washington Tea Party was, it still left us with some questions: Who were those wonderful czars? Where did they come from? And most importantly, do they mind if we take some more pictures?

czars02.jpg

Thanks to the Green Czar (AKA Floridajayhawk on Twitter), we now know a little more about these cheerful, good-natured lovers of liberty and what they're trying to get off their chests. He was nice enough to answer a few questions via e-mail:

Greetings, Green Czar! So, who are you fine folks?

We live in South Florida. Boob Czar lives in a state close to Florida. We got involved with southfloridateaparty.org. We have done many protests in South Florida.

czars04.jpg

How did you come up with the idea?

Well, the founder of South Florida Tea Party came up with Boob Czar. I came up with Transparency Czar. (I cannot remember who came up with Dancing with the Czars... it might have been me, and it might have been the founder, over beers at P.F. Chang's. We were going to have 20+ people dance in front of the White House in costume, but people chickened out.) Beer Czar could not make it... but next year! We might have Stimulus Czars too. Think hot twin nurses with short skirts!

We wanted to illustrate absurdity by using absurdity. Make a mockery of the czars.

Are there more "czars" besides you three?

The objective was to bring 20-30 people in costumes and take photos in front of the White House at 8 a.m. Well, only 3 of us showed up in costumes, and we stayed up till 2 a.m. drinking on Friday and did not get the photo in front of the White House! Damn!

What's southfloridateaparty.org all about? Are you planning more events?

There is a big event in South Florida on Oct 4 with Joe the Plumber, Lloyd Marcus, and maybe the Boob Czar.

bcsm01.jpgA lot of people are looking at the Boob Czar and asking: Are they real? Her principles, that is.

She is all about freedom. She works in the import/export trade business (smart girl). Southern belle.

Do you guys plan to sell Boob Czar t-shirts? How about bikinis?

T-shirts? Maybe. Will update you.

Thanks for all the positive feedback, input, and interest. I put about 30 names for potential czars on Twitter about 2-3 weeks ago. Watch southfloridateaparty.org for more events. You never know... if Tea Parties want Boob Czar to make appearances, we might arrange that!

I will tell you we had more women who just loved Boob Czar. You cannot believe it. The older the women, the more they went crazy for her. It was too cool. Hanging out with those two, it was like being with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton for a day. We had hundreds of cameras all over us anytime we walked anywhere. It was fun.

boobczar08.jpg

Sounds like we'll be seeing more pics! Which is of course, y'know, good for morale. And countering the media narrative of "They're all angry nutjobs." (Also: B-b-buh-buh-boobs.)

Well, thanks to the Green Czar, AKA Floridajayhawk, for the info. Let's hope we see some more of these czars and fewer of those crappy ones Obama keeps forcing on us!

P.S. I just came up with a little poem:

Boob Czar fun
Boob Czar nice
Boob Czar perky rubbed with ice

P.P.S. "Inchestigative journalism"? Guilty as charged!

Previously: The most important story of 9/12, if not 2009

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:26 PM

September 14, 2009

ACORN couldn't look worse right now if Kanye West was wearing one of their t-shirts

ACORN: Another Corrupt Office Revealed Now. Fake-ho-gate spreads to the New York office:

Via the four-day-old BigGovernment.com. I don't want to say Andrew Breitbart is a genius, but the last guy with a launch this successful was Neil Armstrong.

(I was going to say something a bit saucy about Hannah Giles, but she's a black belt and her dad is a big-game hunter. So I'll just say that fearless investigative journalism has never looked this good.)

In other news: President Obama, eager to heal the racial divide in America, has invited Kanye West and Taylor Swift to what the press is calling a "Hennessey summit."

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:33 AM

September 13, 2009

The most important story of 9/12, if not 2009

9/16 Update: Who is the Boob Czar?

If they can make Obama Girl famous, I see no reason we shouldn't do the same for the Boob Czar:

bc01.jpg

bc02.jpg

bc03.jpg

bc04.jpg

In a move that is being praised by experts, it was announced today that the Boob Czar will also be serving as the Pogo Stick Czar.

P.S. More pics here. Looks like maybe they're a package deal? The three "czars," I mean. Good advertising, southfloridateaparty.org.

P.P.S. Strictly in the interest of morale-boosting, here are some more pics:

boobczar02.jpg

boobczar03.jpg

boobczar07.jpg

boobczar05.jpg

boobczar06.jpg

They're real patriots, and they're spectacular!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:46 AM

September 12, 2009

Just imagine how wide Nancy Pelosi's eyes must be. Wait, bad example...

9080666-500x500.jpg

P.S. Take a moment to sympathize with the "special interest" accountants who have to cut all these checks:

holycrapoly.jpg

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:08 AM

September 10, 2009

I've been on a roll lately

If I do say so myself.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:41 AM

September 05, 2009

Van bailin'

ABC News:

The White House says President Barack Obama's adviser Van Jones is resigning amid controversy over past inflammatory statements.

crackhead.jpg

If the mainstream media didn't prove its own irrelevance during the Rielle Hunter scandal, this clinches it. An advisor to the President of the United States, a man in charge of tens of billions in taxpayer funds, is resigning because of a scandal that has not been covered by most news outlets. Now they have to do the same dance they did when John Edwards confessed to his affair: "Looks like we have no choice but to talk about this now. Let's cover the story as if we've been covering it all along, while explaining it for the people who don't know about it because we're their only source of news."

So long to the lying, racebaiting, communist Truther in the White House. Correction: So long to a lying, racebaiting, communist Truther in the White House.

And now maybe people will start asking how this wackjob got into the White House in the first place. Van, I mean.

P.S. NBC Washington:

President Obama's environmental adviser Van Jones resigned from his post late Saturday evening after he came under fire for a series of inflammatory statements he made about Republicans, the White House said early Sunday morning.

Yeah, that's why he resigned. Because he pissed off the all-powerful Republicans. Who are in charge of, um, nothing.

Previously: 1600's a Joke

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:42 PM

September 04, 2009

And now, a word from Van Jones

With apologies to William Jonathan Drayton Jr. and Carlton Ridenhour

krakhedz.jpg

1600's a Joke
(To the tune of "911 Is a Joke" by Public Enemy, which you can listen to here
)

Hit me!

Goin', goin', gone!

Now, I got hired by Barry a few months ago
Doncha see how shifty he's actin'?
He only says somethin' true when he wanna
His act is stale, gettin' old like Madonna
He don't care 'cause he stays Prez anyway
And what he said before, it don't apply today
He gets in trouble, the bus starts creepin'
When his ass is on the line, someone else will pay

Right-wingers with those quotes I was spoutin'
It's a burnin' cross in disguise, y'all, I'll betcha
I call Glenn Beck a cracker 'cause his face is crackin'
Stop blubberin', fat boy, didn't mean to upset ya
He's the king of the swift condemnation
Hates my guts, and he's tellin' all the nation
Thinks it's gonna lead to my humiliation
It all adds up to a f***ed-up situation

So get up, a-get-get-get down
1600, watch it get clowned
Get up, a-get-get-get down
Barack Obama's wearin' a frown

[Repeat chorus]

1600's a joke
1600's a joke

I'm a commie, so I don't get no respect
You'd think the hammer and the sickle don't intersect
Karl Marx, you know that dude was Number 1
Even though he was so pale, never saw the sun
No sunblock, just the Eastern Bloc and
Hatin' capitalists, tried to kick their jock in
I need to be in the White House schemin'
Care about your liberty? Man, just keep dreamin'

I call ya racist 'cause the race card's quicker
Than goin' back and forth, you white folks like to bicker
The reason why I say that is you always whine and plead
Workin' on my nerves until I'm just like, "Cracka, please!"
Hey Chairman Mao, we need ya now
Why buy the milk when you can nationalize the cow?
You better wake up and smell the state vodka
Treat Van Jones with respect, you cockblocka!

[Repeat chorus while they figure out what to tell Robert Gibbs to say]

Owww!
Owww!
Owww!
Vanny J say owww!
Owww!
Owww!
Owww!

1600's a joke
1600's a joke
1600's a joke
1600's a joke

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:10 PM