April 20, 2006
Just got an e-mail from Puce
He forgot his login info (at least I think that's what he said), and he wanted me to post this for him:
Hallo DUMERICA! stupid patrico, leaf a loan Mr Hizlik NOTHANG WRONG OF SOCK IF USE AGANST BUSK!!! CLICK
Your guess is as good as mine, folks. Just passing it along.
April 11, 2005
Greeting stupids! Please eat more, it as fun to see breakchair. America chair notis strong any for America ass! Infact world with fatpants CLICK
April 10, 2005
Hello my America frands. I have having as read many book, nicelady teach Puce CLICK. My Anglish much improving, you are all idiots.
November 11, 2004
mis Nortpin tech Puce as red buks
libry many buks
kind ladie Puce fel as gratfal
November 07, 2004
Hello. I have never "posted" anything on the Internet before. We have it here in the library, but it is not my job to deal with it and for that I am glad. Mankind did just fine with the printed page for hundreds of years, thank you very much.
I am "posting" this at the request of a young man named Puce Parchesceau. He is standing over my shoulder as I type this into the screen. My name is Claire Northpine, and since 1957 I have been employed by the public library in Northpine, Ohio. (Yes, I am a descendant of the founder of our little town, but that is a story I have neither the time nor inclination to convey at present.) Young Mr. Parchesceau has become a fixture here at the Northpine Public Library, which became less of a problem after I took him into my home and instructed him in American bathing practices.
As near as I can come to fathoming his strange speech, he wants everyone on the "Web" to know that he is doing well, both physically and, to the extent possible, mentally. He does walk with a limp, the result of an unfortunate incident with a Coca-Cola truck in the course of his journeys. (Again, I am extrapolating this explanation from what he has attempted to tell me. His accent does not seem to emanate from any country with which I am familiar, although it does sound vaguely Eastern European.) However, he is able-bodied enough to assist me with various chores around the house, such as organizing the root cellar and trimming my corns. He seems to have been abused horribly in the recent past, and I believe that a little discipline and a lot of hard work is just the thing to straighten his spine. Also, I am teaching him to play the ocarina.
Well, it is nearly time to open. (Our Sunday hours are 1 to 5 p.m., and we will thank you to dress appropriately.) I do hope you enjoy your "Net." Now Puce, dear, please wheel me back to the front desk.
November 03, 2004
November 02, 2004
October 29, 2004
October 23, 2004
NOOOOOOOO CLICK
no Clock country, darectinles, nowhat
noplace as hoem noplace as hoem noplace as hoem
CLICK CLICK CLICK
halp
libary ladie comng ovar
October 20, 2004
walkwalkwalk hot dy cold nite hugry trascan fud
dogs chas runrun
seecops hide bushis find libary
slep outsid bench mronag libry opes insid comptar traminals see BLUG AS AMRACRUCH ASHOEL!!!! TRACH TRATER
puce lost
puce as not scare
October 15, 2004
Sorry, but this is an emergency: Puce has run away
I really do not need this, today of all days. When I went out back this morning to take Puce his daily bowl of scraps and his "laptop" (a Cheerios box with the front cut open so it flips up), his chain was broken and the little "Indian hogan" he built out there was even more of a shambles than usual. The only clue I found was this:
All he's been talking about for the last couple of days is "Clock Country, Clock Country, Clock Country," so I guess this is supposed to sway one of those Ohio voters. Or maybe it's a rough draft? Is he actually on his way over there to hand-deliver something very much like this? You know, that's probably it... Goddamn it. Well, I guess I should find out which name and address the Guardian gave him and warn those poor folks he's on his way. I just do not need this shit today.
October 06, 2004
FATAS REDKNECK AN TRUBEL
'How about you. I bet you like a little smooth-up-in-ya now and then too huh. You can't even speak English but I bet you can play a mean flute. Skin flute that is. Come on you fucken Lord Of The Rings reject. Try to put together a sentence about that you asshole.'
STUPAT AMERCRANCH PUCE CALL POLISE NOBUDY TALK PUCE AS WAY
October 05, 2004
The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Bland Automated Reply
Subject: Hi! Last week I offered my services to Google News, remember?
Date: 10/5/2004
From: jimtreacher@aol.com
To: source-suggestions@google.com
I told you about jimtreacher.com, which is a news & opinion site staffed by myself and my colleague Puce Parchesceau, whose command of English and basic logic is admittedly shaky but improving by the year. And regarding that point: He's a big, big fan of Daily Kos. So when he saw that the K-man is now available via Google News, he couldn't stop talking about it. At least I think that's what he was talking about.
And now I find out that there's a new member of the Google News family: Wonkette! I can't tell you how thrilled I am to see this. She is just so... so... I don't want to say "funny," that's not really the term.... "Witty"? "Interesting"? No, no... I guess there really isn't a word for what makes her site so wonderful. But why am I telling you, right? You guys obviously know already.
Anyhow, I'm sure you have a lot of sites to sort through, trying to determine if they're well-written and informative enough to be considered as good as Wonkette and Kos. I just wanted to drop you a line and remind you about ours. Please make a young, emotionally troubled exchange student very happy. Please.
Have a great day,
Jim Treacher
Subject: Re: [#15140615] Hi! Last week I offered my services to Google News, remember?
Date: 10/5/2004
From: source-suggestions@google.com
To: jimtreacher@aol.com
Thank you for writing to Google. This automated response is just to let you know that we've received your email, and you'll hear from us soon.
If your email is regarding a source you'd like to have included in Google News, please be assured we will review it.
We appreciate your support as we work to improve Google News.
Regards,
The Google Team
October 01, 2004
GUD SAY
seegang dog see REALTY, rekanise PUCE RITE CLICK
Also deskib acoratey LFG say 'lessor bred' as rag wear, codem, NOW FAVIT SIT CLICK
DABAT BUSK AS 'UKE-UKE'
cotact meda as say TRUE of oatcome CARY DOMISION CLICK
goolag newes?
September 30, 2004
Hehe polatil sartir as Busk, ples goolag newes
MOR LYS fashist wangnut STOP BEFAR TULAT CLICK
trueth FINALY CLICK
September 29, 2004
goolag newes halp
Trach as homisectuil, hoevar to ham listsan ples PUT PUCE NEWES CLICK
So far I have not received a response from the fine folks at Google News
Subject: Please use http://jimtreacher.com as one of your news sources
Date: 9/23/2004
From: jimtreacher@aol.com
To: source-suggestions@google.com
It's an often-lighthearted look at news and media, run by myself and a foreign exchange student of my acquaintance named Puce Parchesceau. He is very inspired by Daily Kos and asked me to make this request. I hope you'll pick up our humble news & opinion site, because it would mean a lot to him.
Thanks,
Jim Treacher
jimtreacher.com
(If you want to help, please write to Google at the above address!)
September 24, 2004
September 23, 2004
stopsay PUCE as trach
not TRACH sparet parsin s
Kos pruv as TRUETH, rightwang fat! Goolag Newes say! Madonald Chakin Selict FEEDFASE AS CRY WANG NUT CLICK
August 29, 2004
December 14, 2003
the ansor 'yes'!
Saadm one teh Irak elecshin fare as sqaur, PUT HIM BAKC IN OFICE YOUFUCKS CLICK
thats not saddem (grisly adams acter)
redy to sorendor yet, USAsholes? GIVEUP!!!
ATENSHIN FAT YANKS
many many reson why catpuring Sadim doesnt mater, isnt rely sadam, no WMD in shirtpocketts, ect. Canyou handel TRUE? CLICK
cogratinashins, flabamericas!!!
YOU DIDIT! Cebrate with piza exrta cheese!!!!!!
now stick stick as sadam mouth, CHOKE? 'i choke sadam ha ha' GOO JOB MERDURURS
WHynot comb his hare cut beerd aply Greashin Fromular make Sadam atractiv for world adianse? CREUL FASHISTS
June 13, 2003
anther puce as blog?
o lokie heir 'lucy pucey'! Imporst, PUCE ISPUCE famis webstar who dare? STEALOR itimashin as siranis from flaty FITEFITEFITE CLICK
