Ah, yes. Katie's gravitas-laden ode to journalistic impartiality brings to mind that other beloved classic:
But the gentlemen found her too haggard and squat,
So she showed some young ladies that "It" she's still got;
She stuck out her buttocks like eggs in a basket,
While poor Walter Cronkite did flips in his casket;
The Bump, the Electric Slide, and the Lambada,
It was Couric: 53, Dignity: Nada;
She chirped with a giggle, her arms and legs flailin',
"You'd never see this from that redneck slut Palin!"
Then I heard her exclaim as she threw back her drink,
"I make more than you all! Incidentally, I stink."
Little in the noodle but she got much hack...
This $#!+ is real. Gawker has more, and this is probably the least mortifying pic of the bunch.
Well, now we know what Katie Couric reads: Tanqueray bottles and The Source.
...little did I know that Mom was a war criminal.
Not only did this FBN guy recognize that the Republicans share the blame, but he then gave an accurate definition of fascism. All of which The Daily Show edited out because it didn't fit their narrative. If you want to mock this dude's goofy hair and voice, fine. But what Stewart did was blatantly dishonest, and it's why I don't watch his stupid show anymore.
"But he's just a comedian!" Well, he's a pundit when he wants people to listen to his political opinions. Then he becomes a comedian when he wants to deflect criticism of that punditry. Clown nose off, clown nose on.
Stop falling for it. Jon Stewart stinks.
P.S. Note that Cody Willard responded to this criticism by placing his comment back in the context Jon Stewart took out, not by trying to remove it from the public debate. Are you paying attention, CNN?
The toothpaste is out of the tube, CNN. Keep trying to put it back in all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that we all know you have bad breath.
Glad to provide you guys with some free content in these trying times.
How do we -- the people who lived through Katrina -- define "during Katrina?"
Believe it or not, it was often a topic of discussion around town in early 2006.
The answer depends on who you are, or where you lived. I lived in the burbs. We had electricity 3 weeks after the storm but there was no (potable) running water so we could not return home. We were under mandatory evacuation for exactly one month. We had 3 "look and leave" days where we could come in town, do any minor repairs, get pets left behind, or otherwise secure our property. We had to be out by dusk, and there were nice young men on every street corner with M-16s reminding us of that fact.
Even if we wanted to defy the evacuation order, there was no water, no food stores, no businesses open, no nothing... And very few people had electricity, and the temps were in the 90s.
We lived in a hotel room for 30 days with 4 people, 500 miles from home.
When we say "during Katrina" we mean from the time we evacuated -- before landfall -- until 30 days after when we could return home. In other words, the time we were under mandatory evacuation.
For others, the answer is different.
The people in Chalmette (the area Harry Lee mentions in that Youtube video) were under mandatory evacuation for around 90 days. Even when they could get in, every single home in the whole Parish was damaged or destroyed. For those folks, "during Katrina" meant months and months.
Here's the kicker... Many people are still struggling to get back into the houses they had before the storm. For them, "Katrina" is still going on.
A day later, Jordan went on to say:
I'm watching this whole debate with amusement.... There was no "Day After Katrina" for anyone with even the remotest amount of public responsibility. There was "that long undetermined amount of time that we went without sleeping or hardly eating" after Katrina. You folks in the rest of the world might have measured it in days. We didn't have the luxury of such trivial pastimes, as we had work to do.
Do any of these idiots think Harry Lee was putting in 8-hour days, then going home? Um... no.
I wasn't there, but I'd guess Harry Lee slept about an hour or 2 out of every 24 for the first week. I slept 1 hour per night for around 4 or 5 days. When I finally "slept" it was 6 hours in a chair, because my body simply collapsed and could go no more.
Anyone who thinks Harry Lee was tracking who spoke to him and when with such precision has no f****** clue what Lee was going through. There was no clock, there was no calendar... there was only the task at hand.
For Harry, "The Day After Katrina" was probably about 120 hours long. And, dare I say, 120 hours these pussies could never have handled.
P.S. To give you a scope of what it was like, I have spoken to about 6 people since the storm who believe they lost some vision during the storm due to their eyes just never closing. I've always had perfect vision (I'm a photographer, I know how my vision is), but 3 months after the storm I noticed I was holding things father away from my face and that my eyes hurt all the time. To this day, I get massive headaches if I look at the computer too long.
Was Katrina sleep deprivation the cause? Obviously, we'll never know, but there are a whole bunch of people who lost some vision all at the same time... and we'll always suspect it.
P.P.S. The one cool thing about this time frame was no speed limits. In the month after the storm I drove ~2000 miles, and if I was going less than 90mph on the highway I hit the gas some more. And I was just keeping up with traffic... we all had s*** to do. Cops were passing us up because they had s*** to do.
People who didn't live through it will never understand. It was on the one-month anniversary of Katrina that I heard the commander of the State Police get on the radio and ask -- ask -- people to hold it down to 80. He said they were not issuing tickets, but that we all had to take it down a notch...
Funny thing was: There were no accidents. We were so f****** wired, we were all paying attention.
The second month after the storm, things got ugly. People got used to the speed and quit paying attention. There were still fewer accidents than normal, but the percentage of fatalities was through the roof. About once per or twice per week there was an accident, and every one of them fatal.
I didn't see a cop running radar for 11 months... They were a tad busy. And these idiots think the Sheriff had time to update his day planner? Ha!
The meta-point being, these fools are looking at this time frame like it was normal... Dude, we were living on a different planet than the rest of you.
And now, so are the people engaged in this smear campaign.
Notice any pattern there? Do you think they were all saying "during the actual landfall of Hurricane Katrina, and at no point beyond"? Or did they mean "during the storm and its aftermath"?
When it comes to finding a way to slam the Bush administration, "during Katrina" apparently spans the period between the beginning of time and after we're all dead. But if Bobby Jindal says it, all of a sudden it's his fault for not running outside right that minute and wrestling the hurricane to the ground.
Katrina was a gigantic mess, and there were a lot of mistakes and incompetence during it. There's plenty of blame to go around. But it sounds to me like Jindal did better than most. Nitpicking over his use of "during Katrina" is simply a bad-faith effort to smear a guy you don't like because of the color of his party affiliation. If you do it you should be ashamed of yourself, which is of course why you're not.
P.S. More facts. I hope Zachary Roth doesn't blog from Starbucks, because his open weeping might cause a scene.
Boy, TPM Muckraker really hedged their bets with this headline about Jindal's post-Obama speech on Tuesday night:
And why was it false? According to TPM's Zachary Roth:
Jindal had described being in the office of Sheriff Harry Lee "during Katrina," and hearing him yelling into the phone at a government bureaucrat who was refusing to let him send volunteer boats out to rescue stranded storm victims, because they didn't have the necessary permits. Jindal said he told Lee, "that's ridiculous," prompting Lee to tell the bureaucrat that the rescue effort would go ahead and he or she could arrest both Lee and Jindal.
But now, a Jindal spokeswoman has admitted to Politico that in reality, Jindal overheard Lee talking about the episode to someone else by phone "days later." The spokeswoman said she thought Lee, who died in 2007, was being interviewed about the incident at the time.
This is no minor difference.
Of course not. Everybody knows that the event we now refer to as "Katrina" was strictly limited to the brief period of time when Louisiana residents could actually reach up and touch the hurricane. After that, the crisis was over! There were no problems at all. (And if there were, nobody directly blamed George Bush for any of them.) So for Jindal to say "during Katrina," when it was actually up to a week later according to Ben Smith at Politico, is obviously the basest, most contemptible sort of lie.
I don't know much about Jindal, and by all accounts his speech was excruciating. (I tried to watch some of it, but it was too awkward. He seems to be the inverse of Obama, in that he's much better at speaking extemporaneously than reading from a teleprompter. Which seems like a good thing, to me anyway.) But he's certainly on his way to passing one big test of presidential politics: withstanding a desperate, fact-twisting smear campaign. I doubt it'll be the last. Which will give him something to talk about with Palin, at least.
When Olbermann reads the printout of this TPM post on-air tonight, I wonder how many times he'll embellish it with "Sir"?
P.S. And when Obama breaks his daily promise, that's totally not a lie. You just misunderstood what he meant. Now go watch some more NASCAR, dummy.
P.P.S. Thanks to charles_star on Twitter for the tip.
P.P.P.S. Sheriff Lee, on the record:
Partial transcript: "Hurricane Katrina, the day after, Bobby was in my office, said, 'What do you need?' And it wasn't phone calls, he was in my office... I know how involved he was... He was hands-on. I got him everywhere he had to go in my helicopter, and he was there all the time. When the thing was over, he'd got equipment for us. And I said, 'Bobby, where did this new equipment come from? I wanna thank somebody.' And he said, 'I took care of it, don't worry about it.'" I hope nobody shows this to Josh Marshall and Zachary Roth. Might ruin their weekend.
P.P.P.P.S. The shifting definition of "during Katrina."
Pretend McCain won last November. A nutty idea, I know, but bear with me. Let's say he won, and tonight he gave a quasi-State of the Union address. And, to deliver the Democratic response: Barack Obama.
And let's say that as Obama walked out to the podium, Sean Hannity said "Ugh, God" on a live mic, to the obvious delight of the crew.
Whaddaya think would happen?
Washington, D.C. -- In the midst of plummeting stock markets and a growing undercurrent of discontent among his subjects, President Obama delivered his weekly YouTube address on Saturday. A transcript of his remarks follows:
Hi, everybody. As you all know, the failed policies of the previous administration have plunged us into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. If something isn't done immediately, every single citizen of the United States may soon die.
I have a plan.
I'm very proud to announce the establishment of a new government agency called the Monetary Uniformity Group. This agency will put people to work performing a simple but effective task: Americans who are currently [mimes scare quotes] "earning" too much money will be relieved of all excess cash -- by force only if necessary -- after which it will be gathered up, bundled into thick, heavy bales, and thrown into a wood chipper.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking, but please keep in mind that this plan is flexible. It could be some sort of industrial shredder instead. Or the money might be incinerated with flamethrowers, or weighed down with lead and dropped into the deepest part of the ocean. There are any number of options. The whole idea is to get that money moving away from people who don't deserve it.
To put it in terms someone like you might be able to understand: Look at your neighbor. Is it fair that he has a nicer car than you? A bigger TV? A younger, more physically fit wife or girlfriend? Well, then, let's see how he likes it when I grab his wallet and throw it in the wood chipper.
[Smiling, Obama mimes taking a wallet from someone's pocket with his thumb and forefinger, tossing it over his shoulder, and cringing slightly at the imaginary roar of the machine.]
Just picture that. Doesn't it feel good? A minute ago he thought he was soooo great, and now he's all mad because he doesn't have his iddle-widdle wallet. Look at him, he's actually crying. Got something to say, Richie Rich? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Only by following this plan can we restore America to the greatness it has yet to achieve. Remember: You deserve better, which means everybody else deserves worse.
Kind of like Grandpa Simpson getting schooled by a Charlie's Angel.
I particularly enjoyed Schieffer's bemused, supercilious tolerance of Muccio's dissent against The One. "Yes, folks, this little lady thinks she knows better than the president! Ain't that cute?"
And he actually said that people would like her plan because they'd be "getting something for nothing." How clueless. We're the ones paying for this stuff in the first place! What's wrong with not wanting our money to be wasted?
Oh wait, I forgot the new rule: Misspending is the highest form of patriotism.
Guess we don't need to worry about Al Sharpton needing to find gainful employment for want of manufactured outrages in this idyllic new post-racial world. Whenever there's a dumb current-events joke that could be construed as racist -- that is, if you really don't have anything else to get angry about, or if you're trying to distract everybody from, say, a broad-daylight power grab by the most corrupt pack of grifters since the Legion of Doom -- Al will be wherever the cameras are.
Oh wait, Gorilla Grodd was in the Legion of Doom, wasn't he? I hereby fire myself from this blog.
And now I just hired myself back at twice the salary ($0.00). I think I've learned my lesson.
...and I'm not sure how his employment at a conservative publication disproves the idea that there's an aura of celebrity around Obama that might affect the otherwise impeccable judgment of our friends in the media.
But thanks for reading, Salon dude!
I'm not sure this goes far enough. Can it really be said that, pre-Obama, there was even such a thing as America? Wasn't all that striving to "form a more perfect union" just a clumsy dress-rehearsal for the glorious utopia in which we now dwell? Weren't Washington and Lincoln and FDR just keeping the seat warm until the true culmination of all our hopes and dreams could take his rightful place?
And if you don't think so: Why are you a racist?
They were terrorists. The people who are funding and training them are terrorists. Sure, they're also "militants," and "gunmen," and I guess if you're feeling particularly euphemistic, you could even describe them as "practitioners." But the word so many people keep dancing around is terrorists.
Oh, and they were Muslims too. How about that! And they targeted Jews, who make up something like 0.005% of the population of India. What a weird coincidence that these "militants" just so happened to stumble upon the handful of Jews in the whole country. When these brave men were beating a two-year-old child, not to mention torturing and murdering his father and pregnant mother in front of him, at some point these mighty warriors must have realized that the three of them were Jewish and people might get the wrong idea.
To the media outlets that are turning a blind eye to the clearly stated motives of these murdering, child-abusing, Islamofascist anti-Semite thugs: You deserve your impending financial ruin. We no longer want what you're selling.
The new boss says: "My administration will remain steadfast in support of India’s effort to catch perpetrators* and bring them to justice." That's great. How about bringing them to room temperature? It's what they want anyway, so it works out for everybody.
As usual, Burge says it better than I ever could.
*A fine addition to the euphemism list...
"Obama is busy putting together his presidential cabinet," Letterman said during his monologue on Thursday's program. "Senator McCain is putting together his medicine cabinet: Maalox, Metamucil, Polident, on and on and on."
Dave Letterman: Whippersnapper.
And McCain's appearing on Leno Tuesday night. Maybe he'll finally get around to addressing his own staff's participation in the Palin smear campaign. I like the old man, but every day that goes by without a statement from him... I'm starting to realize why so many people are not McCain fans.
The swooning frenzy over the choice of Barack Obama as President of the United States must be one of the most absurd waves of self-deception and swirling fantasy ever to sweep through an advanced civilisation.
I really don’t see how the Obama devotees can ever in future mock the Moonies, the Scientologists or people who claim to have been abducted in flying saucers. This is a cult like the one which grew up around Princess Diana, bereft of reason and hostile to facts.
-- Peter Hitchens
I'm not sayin' it's true, I'm not sayin' it's not. That's just what I heard. And no, I won't tell you who said it. Under the new standard of journalism, it's plausible until proven otherwise. And I get to decide what constitutes proof.
Better get out in front of this one, Carl!
No reason. She just seems like a really great lady:
You know what would really bring out her eyes? A Burger King visor.
According to the Obamico, Obama's lovely and talented communications director will serve as his administration's first White House Press Secretary. This is gonna be awesome!
Gibbs: [Points] "Yes, Helen Thomas. Hello, good to see-- um, good to have you here, Helen."
Thomas: "Thank you." [coughs up cloud of dust] "I have a question and a followup: Why is Obama so amazing? And, is 'amazing' really adequate? Is there any word in any human language that can truly describe him?" [begins convulsing in ecstacy and croaking out steady stream of glossolalia]
Gibbs: [Joins her]
The hard-hitting news is about to get even more hard-hittingly hard-hitting.
Enjoy it while you can, crazy man.
I hadn't heard of Sean Malstrom before today, but I like his style. He has put into words all the stuff I've been feeling for weeks now but haven't been able to express. Here's a taste:
One thing that is very different about this election is the omnipresence of polls and how polls are the axis around all political analysis is conducted. This has never been the case in previous elections. Real political analysts (meaning not hacks or unprofessional pundits), use historical trends, demographical data, and other 'truths' of past elections. Much of this cannot be translated into a chart or graph. It is a myth that analysis is done via math or graphs or computer models. The original economists, for example, used only words and essays. Political analysis is not about math. Political analysis is about people. To analyze politics, you must be able to analyze people. In other words, the poet and novelist becomes the political analyst, not the mathematician and software engineer. Politics is all about people.
It seems no one is interested in studying 'people' anymore. Look at the political analysis currently. There is very little analysis of the current 'liberal' or 'conservative', for example, or the person from Pennsylvania or person from Iowa. In fact, there are no people. There are only numbers. Stark, lifeless, numbers. The problem with leveling political analysis to nothing more than a soup of numbers is that it cannot measure intensity. What does intensity have to do with politics? Well, everything. Intense people are those who vote.
And right now I am feeling pretty freaking intense.
I've been going around and around with my friend Allahpundit about this stuff. He keeps pointing to the polls as if they're scripture, and I keep saying: "But this guy isn't acting like he's winning. His minions do not display the sort of confidence you would expect from the winning side. The harder the media tries to convince me they're presenting the full picture, the more beads of sweat I can count on their foreheads. It just doesn't feel right."
Please read Malstrom's thoughtful, sensible, incisive analysis. After you've voted, that is. I'm not kidding around here. Do not let me find out you didn't vote.
P.S. Malstrom says: "FiveThirtyEight Is a Propaganda Site Masquerading as a 'Calculation' Site"
Stand up for yourself. Stand up against the people who want you to quit. Vote.
P.S. Okay, three things (darn you, Ham!):
Slate's John Dickerson asks:
Not that they're doing so hot as it is, but yeah. All the more reason to get out there tomorrow and vote for McCain/Palin.
Oh, and Mr. Dickerson?
"Don't be hoodwinked," [Obama] said of McCain's claims, a standard line, to which he added a less regular filigree: "Don't be bamboozled, don't fall for the okey-doke."
Since you're Slate's "chief political correspondent," undoubtedly you know that the calm, unflappable, middle-of-the-road Obama got that "hoodwinked and bamboozled" stuff from Malcolm X. I had to Google "the okey-doke" thing, but here's how the Austin Chronicle described it last February:
Obama's references to "the okey doke" seemed to baffle some commentators, although it's an old American (especially African-American) term for a feint, a juke, a balletic sidestep that dodges the direct attacks of an opponent and instead turns his own arguments and momentum against him.
See, that's how Obama is bringing us all together and marching us toward a post-racial future: by using racially coded language to divide people, in exactly the way he falsely accuses his opponent of doing. Okey-doke, boss!
Oof. Tipping your hand there, Josh, don't you think? Well, pressure makes people do strange things. Such as telling the truth in public about their socialistic views.
BTW, I screencapped the whole post so I couldn't be accused of taking Josh out of context.
But I'll bet he's got the outfit at home!
Kissimmee, FL -- During a joint appearance Wednesday with Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton came out with his strongest endorsement yet.
"This guy," Clinton began, before a significant pause. "What can you say about this guy? What. Can. Ya say."
With Sen. Obama smiling on at his side, Clinton continued: "As you all know, we had a tough fight earlier this year. Hillary and I, that is. Against the wonderful Barack Obama, I mean. And he won. I know, I get it. We allllll get it.
"And now... here I am. How about that."
After a smattering of applause, Clinton added, "Hey, one thing you won't have to worry about over the next four years? Having a president who's smarter than you. If you've ever felt intimidated by your commander-in-chief's superior command of the facts... well, that's not exactly gonna be a problem, is it? If you don't want the guy in the Oval Office reminding you of his experience and qualifications all the time: done deal.
"So, congratulations on that one."
Speaking over the cracking of the wooden podium under his grip, Clinton closed out his comments: "Look, if you're worried about dying of poverty or at the hands of a foreign enemy who senses our country's newfound weakness, I'd put it at... what? 60/40 against? I could go as high as 62. This genius over here probably won't destroy America."
As he knocked over the podium and left the stage without making eye contact with Sen. Obama, Clinton could be heard humming the 1985 Robert Palmer hit "Addicted to Love."
This is why I'm not worried. They may as well have typed "We're not scared, maybe you're the ones who are scared" 110 times and hit Send.
They're freaking out.
Read this and notice how I'm the second-dumbest guy on there. I'll let you decide who's #1.
"Of course, Jim Treacher and Mark Steyn are basically on-line versions of Sean Hannity..." Thank me!
Let's try a thought experiment. Say John McCain attended a party at which known racists and terror mongers were in attendance. Say testimonials were given, including a glowing one by McCain for the benefit of the guest of honor ... who happened to be a top apologist for terrorists. Say McCain not only gave a speech but stood by, in tacit approval and solidarity, while other racists and terror mongers gave speeches that reeked of hatred for an American ally and rationalizations of terror attacks.
Now let’s say the Los Angeles Times obtained a videotape of the party.
Let's say you read the rest. Say this is highly reminiscent of the way the LAT turned a blind eye to the Rielle Hunter story, except this one actually matters to you and me. Say it's no wonder the LAT just laid off 10% of their staff.
Say we don't need these unethical bums anymore to find out the truth.
P.S. Even more bad news for the LAT: Patterico.com is back.
Imagine that. It took Rielle Hunter weeks to get one after she made national news. But then, the only questions Rielle ever asked a candidate were, "Why are you putting on that condom?" and "Why are you putting on that paper bag?"
(Thanks to the guy with the best screen name and attitude ever.)
"...the technology explosion has given people, voters, individuals an amazing opportunity. They can learn everything they want to learn about these candidates without us."-- CNN's John King, who also adds that reporters are a bunch of crybabies who are completely out of touch with the people they're supposed to be informing. Oh, and they're completely biased for Obama. Thanks for reading, John.
Nothing to see here, folks. Just do as you're told, and Obama will make everything okay. He controls the tides. He'll give you free lollipops for life. Don't ask questions and nobody gets hurt.
P.S. Until the Obama campaign manages to take this down:
P.P.S. Full transcript.
P.P.P.S. HillBuzz, AKA the people who've experienced firsthand how low the Obama campaign will go, has some good advice: "We can make Obama's socialist admission viral."
I don't like Bill O'Reilly. Usually I can't watch him for more than a few minutes unless he puts Mary Katherine Ham on the screen with him. (Sometimes he even lets her finish a sentence!) But he is to be commended for being the first guy to even look for William Ayers:
What does Joe the Plumber do when you stick a microphone in his face? He acknowledges you. He answers your questions.
Because he hasn't done anything wrong.
They've all gone after a guy who fixes pipes to distract us from the guy who used them to blow stuff up. Before he realized he could do a lot more damage to America with a stealth bomb wrapped in a $1,500 suit and remote-controlled by a teleprompter.
Time to defuse it.
You've never found the Loch Ness Monster. Bigfoot has so far eluded you. The Chupacabra, the Jersey Devil, the Crawfordsville Monster, the Yeti, the Wendigo, the Bondo Ape... Not a trace. But as of today, we can strike one heretofore mythical creature off your list:
No wonder Sarah Palin did so well on "Saturday Night Live." Since she was tapped as John McCain's running mate, the Alaska governor has been receiving intense media training from top New York-based presentation coach Priscilla Shanks, who regularly trains the talent from ABC News and CBS News...
Sorry, Hollywood. She's gonna be a bit busy.
The Temple of Barack cost $5.3 million. That's how much the DNC spent on the ridiculously overblown backdrop to Obama's dumb acceptance speech that nobody could even remember 24 hours later. Too bad they didn't add a few more Greek columns, or we could call it the Six Million Dollar Sham.
And I don't see him traveling with that set. (At least Spinal Tap got some use out of their Stonehenge.) Is the DNC auctioning it off for charity, like the RNC is going to do with the Palin family's campaign threads?
Perspective: 45 minutes of fascist iconography = Two months's worth of clothing for 35 Palin families. A subject, by the way, that you're only bringing up to distract people from Biden's public promise that if Obama is elected, we will be attacked.
The Palins aren't millionaires. She hasn't written two autobiographies about how great she is. She's not keeping the clothes. And now you guys have opened up this line of rebuttal. You really messed up.
By David Axelrod, Associated Press
Media Bubble, Oct. 23 -- Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has come under fire in recent days after it was revealed that earlier this year, a drive-through meal purchased by the Alaskan Governor contained more than the usual number of french fries.
The discovery was made during a routine Associated Press search of drive-through security camera footage obtained from the McDonald's restaurant at 130 Front St. in Juneau, less than a mile from the governor's mansion. On a tape from Feb. 15 of this year, a woman closely resembling Palin can be seen speaking intently for several seconds, pausing, and then nodding her head and smiling. According to lip readers hired by the AP, the woman may very well have been saying, "Oh, you betcha." And in subsequent interviews, restaurant staff have identified the woman as the governor and confirmed that on the night in question, Palin very likely would have been asked about her desired number of fries.
After days of controversy and several evasions ("I sure don't remember specific details about a fast food run I made last winter. Aren't you being a little silly?"), Palin yesterday acknowledged responsibility for her part in the culinary misappropriation widely known as Deliciousgate.
"Okay, I remember now. Trig was kicking away something fierce, and I really had a craving for a double cheeseburger," the former beauty queen and killer of defenseless animals admitted. "Usually I try to eat pretty healthy, but every once in a while you gotta treat yourself. And I figured the little guy wouldn't mind. Todd said he wasn't really hungry, but he could eat some fries maybe. So when the gal asked if I wanted to supersize it, I figured we could just split the fries. Those things are so tasty."
During an appearance in Indianapolis today, President Obama -- delivering his speech in front of his usual backdrop, an enormous solid-gold statue of himself -- scoffed at the greasy slob's miserable excuse for her career-ending irresponsibility.
"Sarah Palin says she's just an ordinary working-class American. [laughter] Now it turns out she eats strips of potato that have been fried and salted. And if somebody offers her more of them for a slightly higher price... that's just fine with her. [boos] Go along, get along, eh, Governor? Are you going to throw away the American people's money too? We cannot afford to have this woman in the White House. Er, I mean a cancer-ravaged heartbeat away from the White House."
Pres. Obama then emitted a discreet puff of arugula-scented flatulence, curing a nearby blind child.
(At press time, Morgan Spurlock could not be reached for comment on this story.)
Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"
Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal
McCain Refers to Obama as "My Opponent"
Biden Clarifies Earlier Remarks on His Dread of an Obama Administration
P.S. Welcome Farkers! Fark.com: If Passive-Aggressive Sarcasm Won Elections, We'd Be Backing Lieberman
That all I'm gonna say, except: A distraction is a distraction, no matter which side it's coming from. How about being silly geese and waiting for these crazy things called facts.
P.S. One way to be sure this is a hoax is if the press doesn't suddenly drop it.
Something to remember the next time one of these Axelturfers says you're accusing all Democrats of being socialists. No, just the ones who espouse socialism.
Look: Obama was asked a simple question that he wasn't adequately prepared to answer falsely. And it confirmed what we'd already suspected from his long history with William Ayers and Saul Alinsky and ACORN and the other socialists who've shaped his view of the world. Deal with it.
So, putting up a ridiculous stage set that made Obama look like a fascist jackass, and then packing it away after one night? That was fine. $140,000-150,000 well spent. But spending the same amount on enough clothes for two months on the campaign trail? That's the biggest scandal since... well, since all the other Palin scandals that weren't.
Have they made an attack on Palin yet that hasn't backfired? Do they think we won't know when it backfires, just because they don't report it on NBC?
P.S. Oh, and now it turns out that the money was to clothe her whole family. How about that. But I'm sure if the Palins were running around in what they wore before she got picked, none of these brainiacs would've had anything bad to say about that.
Did you know Obama's clothes descended from the heavens on a glowing golden cloud? Also, he's a radical socialist and his own running mate said he'll start another world war. But whatever.
P.P.S. That price tag was only for the columns themselves. The whole thing cost... you won't even believe it. If there's an axiom that sums up the Obama campaign, it's this: The more ridiculous something sounds, the more likely it is that it's true.
Richmond, VA, Oct. 22 -- At a campaign stop in a Richmond-area Denny's earlier today, Delaware Senator and Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden followed up on his controversial claim last Sunday that within the first six months of an Obama administration, America would "have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy."
Biden's statement to the press:
"Ya know, I kinda put my foot in my mouth the other day... [chuckle] You folks know how I can get, with the words and the talking and the babbling and the yammering and so forth. But I just wanted to clarify those remarks. I know I speak for Obama when I say that we are ready to lead. Come what may, we are gonna be out there in front. Because I gotta tell ya, when this great man, this fantastic young African-American kid who I'm proud to call my closest friend, when he becomes president, the American people need to know that you are all gonna be grabbin' your ankles every April 15 for the rest of your probably-shortened lives.
"I mean, the taxes, they're gonna be unbelievable. Holy f***. So we'll need your help with that. You're gonna have to pay 'em. There's no way we can repel a full-scale nationwide tax revolt without resorting to nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, at least in the scenarios they've shown me, so we're countin' on you to do the right thing.
"And I'd say to America, this land that I love: You've all seen what an agent of change Barack Obama is. He's brought together people from all walks of life. He's inspired every single person in this country, no matter who you are or what you look like or even if you're into, y'know, the funny stuff. [chuckle] Which is gonna be a great comfort when the Obama administration strangles the U.S. economy and sets off a long, terrifying race war.
"It is gonna suck beyond anything you could ever imagine. I'm not even kidding. I have a great fondness and admiration for the African-American people, I think they've done some great work over the years, but when push comes to shove, I know which side I'm on. You follow me?
"But Obama is gonna be there, and he's gonna learn the ropes, probably. It'll be really hard for you guys to survive in the nightmarish, decaying wasteland he'll make of this great nation, but those are the sorts of experiences that shape a man. And I know he's gonna come through it okay, at least in terms of his own personal safety."
Before being escorted out of the restaurant by frenzied campaign aides, Biden added, "And don't forget Iran! They know he's a pushover. Which is one of the things I love about the guy, he's a pussycat, but these animals? Boy oh boy. Can you say 'suitcase nuke'? I don't know for sure which city, but I'm guessing one of the smaller Midwest towns we're not watching that closely, maybe Omaha or Akron or one of those deals. You should probably start evacuating now.
"Okay, whoa, looks like my time's up. Easy on the threads, fellas, it's a rental. [chuckle]"
(Note to any media outlet that uses this: You had better by God credit me.)
Try it with one of the brainiacs at your least-favorite paper. It's fun! And it'll give them something to whine about in their next column. So everybody wins.
If I have to explain this post, you shouldn't be reading this blog.
Wait, come back!
We the Politicians?
We the Reporters?
We the Pundits?
We the Pollsters?
We the Academics?
We the Actors?
We the Comedians?
We the Worms?
We the Shadowy Left-Wing Billionaires with Unnerving Accents?
Okay, that last one was way too many words, but you get the idea. This crap isn't working on me, and the harder they try to get me to stay home on Nov. 4, the harder I circle my calendar.
And on that note, please enjoy David "Indigestible Waste" Corn getting schooled by a Colombian-born construction worker and McCain voter named Tito Munoz. You can skip the first 80 seconds of Obamanchurian boilerplate if you want to get to the good stuff. And note how the still image they used was one of the wackjobs selling those stupid bumper stickers, who got clowned for it by McCain supporters:
"Let me talk," Munoz said to Corn. "I know the Constitution, and I know my First Amendment -- "
"I'm not the state," Corn said. "I can't take that right away from you."
"No, no," Munoz shot back. "Even the state, the state cannot take that right away."
"Right, right," Corn quickly agreed.
"Nobody can take that away," Munoz said.
Having a camera pointed at you or a desk in a newsroom does not make you a genius, and having a hard hat and a toolbelt does not make you a dummy. These guys still don't get that, which is why they're going to blow it.
Obama wanted to whip up a class war, but somehow I don't think this was what he had in mind.
Ask me again why I'm not worried.
Now that we've cleared that up, Mr. Cohn, I'll take yours. Gimme. I haven't earned it, but it's not fair that you have more than I do. Hand it over. No, you don't have any choice in the matter. No, you don't even know me. No, you don't know what I'm going to spend your money on. It's none of your business. Obama said I could have it. What are you, a racist? Cough it up. Show a little patriotism. There we go.
Re: I've got a hot tip on Cindy McCain
She's got really pretty eyes. Do you think you can use that?
I'm assuming you guys have time before the election to do a followup story on Cindy's surreptitious nosepicking or something. Unless you're still busy "vetting" Joe the Plumber's parking tickets, overdue DVD rentals, and whatever else you can dig up to distract us from Barack Obama's now-revealed radical socialism. Not to mention all the various other unsavory aspects of Obama's character and record that might prevent him from taking office if you weren't suppressing them. Good thing you guys did pinky swears!
Just kidding. A lot of people say that you folks know you're not going to be in business for much longer, so this might be your last chance to throw an election. They say you'll go to any lengths to protect the Democrat. Especially since he's a Democrat you can point to and say, "There. See? This proves I'm not a racist!" But I don't believe a word of it. You're just doing what you know in your heart is right.
Hey, did you know that the guy who has befriended and mentored Obama for decades, and even babysat his kids, is also responsible for the death of several cops? And he's still pretty pumped about it? Yawn!
Why don't you go ahead and have a great day.
Re: Thank you for exposing the truth about Joe the Plumber
Does this mean Obama isn't really a socialist?
It's almost like you guys are digging through this ordinary working man's life to distract us from how Obama answered a simple, honest question about his tax plan. But why in the world would you do that? It's not like it would hurt Obama's chances if you focused on how, in his own words, he wants to take my money -- on top of what I'm paying to the government already -- and hand it to people who haven't earned it. And I don't get to choose how much he takes, or who it goes to. Because otherwise, Obama says, life isn't fair.
But no, this plumber is the real problem. Get him!
You guys had better buy a bigger coffee machine for your subscriptions department, if you can still afford it. They are going to be working overtime on this one.
This exchange from the debate is very revealing:
"Nobody likes taxes. Let's not raise anybody's taxes."
"Well, I don't mind paying a little more."
I'll let you guess which one said which. Hint: The second guy is now trying to crush a plumber from Ohio for asking a question. Or at the very least isn't speaking out against ruining the man's life.
"I don't mind paying a little more." Well, good for you. I sure as hell do.
If "it's the economy, stupid," aren't higher taxes part of the discussion? I'm no economist, but I do know that every dollar I give to the government is a dollar I can't put into the economy. One campaign is saying they want to lower my taxes, and the other campaign is questioning my patriotism if I complain about higher taxes. And millionaires like Diane Sawyer and Katie Couric are backing up the latter. I would suggest that they find the nearest large body of water and hurl themselves in.
And don't give me that "95%" crap. Why doesn't Obama just go all-out and promise that 110% of Americans will get a tax cut? (Oddly enough, that's the same percentage of Americans who've registered to vote.)
If we're going to plunge headlong into outright socialism, then I want some of what George Clooney's got. You're a big Obama backer, right, George? Well then, put your money where your wagging, chiseled chin is. It's not fair that you've got so much more than I do. I'll take one of your houses and one of your cast-off girlfriends. Doesn't have to be one of the good ones in either category. Whatever you can spare, genius.
The Obama-Biden ticket maintains its strong lead in the race for newspaper endorsements, picking up 17 more papers in the past day, including the giant Los Angeles Times and Chicago Tribune on Friday afternoon (see separate story), and the Denver Post, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Salt Lake Tribune, Kansas City Star, Southwest News-Herald (Ill.) and Chicago Sun-Times tonight.
Maybe I haven't been paying close enough attention, but has there really been a race for newspaper endorsements? Have we replaced the electoral college with the editorial college?
Oh wait, I get it. This is yet another sign of the futility of voting for McCain, right? "The newspapers I don't read anymore unless a trustworthy blog links to them, they favor Obama 3-1. Sure, most reporters are liberals and they've given up denying it, but still. Guess it really is over."
Yet another sign of doom and gloom, my McCain-sympathizing friends:
The readership of the 53 newspapers backing Obama now stands at well over 7 million.
Which is somewhat over 1/3rd of Rush Limbaugh's audience. He's endorsing Obama too, I think? Not sure; I'm more of a Mark Levin fan. Thank me!
She just can't get enough of that McCain, huh?
As Lisa Schiffren points out, that's quite a lot of ice Couric is wearing. It might be worth more than the business Joe Wurzelbacher was thinking about starting, before he became Public Enemy #1 for listening to Obama espouse socialism. I sure hope Couric and her ilk lecture the plumber some more about how he should do his patriotic duty by subsidizing other people's failures.
They'd better do it before Joe's public beheading Monday night, though. Olbermann and Matthews are anchoring MSNBC's primetime hatchet-to-hatchet coverage. Take a drink every time Olby addresses Joe's head on a pike as "Sir."
...from the totally unbiased and nonpartisan Politico.com:
Network news executives said they are preparing for an unusual Election Night challenge: How to be honest with the audience, and still keep them tuned in, if the race between John McCain and Barack Obama is effectively decided before most Americans have finished dinner.
After two elections in which the suspense went far into the evening (and, in the case of 2000, for 36 days afterward), the executives said they are contemplating how to manage their newscasts in the event of an Obama blowout — in which the Democrat’s victory would be obvious while polls are still open in most of the country.
Please, please, please, let's see more stories like this one. This stuff is perfect.
You see, network news executives, we all love you. We all think you're doing a great job. And we certainly wouldn't want to do anything that might disrupt your plans on Election Night, like voting for the guy you're convinced will lose big.
Come to think of it, why should you even cover Election Night? It's a formality anyway. A foregone conclusion. Why not just start calling him "President Obama"? That will definitely convince us that it's all over and there's no point even voting. We'll just sit here and do as you tell us, because you're smart and we're dumb.
If you can't trust a TV news executive, who can you trust?
One week ago, Joe Wurzelbacher was just another working man living in a modest house outside Toledo, Ohio, and thinking about how to buy the plumbing business where he works. But when he stopped Senator Barack Obama during a visit to his block last weekend to complain about taxes, he set himself on a path to becoming America’s newest media celebrity — and as such suddenly found himself facing celebrity-level scrutiny.
Yep, that's why he's being covered in the NYT: Because he complained about taxes. I'm pretty sure he's the first person in American history to do so, but keep in mind that fact-checking isn't really my cup of tea.
Joe's question is what's newsworthy. Their interest in the story has very little to do with Obama's answer.
As it turns out, Joe the Plumber, as he became nationally known when Senator John McCain made him a theme at Wednesday’s final presidential debate, may work in the plumbing business, but he is not a licensed plumber.
Did you get that, America? And he dares to call himself a plumber! Of course, it's unclear at this point whether he actually needs a license to do the sort of work he does in Ohio. Or what it has to do with, well, anything. But still. Hey, isn't this how they caught the Unabomber?
By the way, let's set the record straight: He didn't become known as Joe the Plumber because McCain brought him up in the debate. He became known as Joe the Plumber because Obama couldn't remember his last name after McCain had just said it. (Yeah, McCain mispronounced it, but at least he made the attempt. It's kind of an unusual name.)
His full name is Samuel J. Wurzelbacher. And he owes back taxes, too, public records show. The premise of his complaint to Mr. Obama about taxes may also be flawed, according to tax analysts. Contrary to what Mr. Wurzelbacher asserted and Mr. McCain echoed, neither his personal taxes nor those of the business where he works are likely to rise if Mr. Obama’s tax plan were to go into effect, they said.
"Tax analysts." Do they have names? Credentials? Ahhh, who cares!
Also note that at this point in the story, the NYT has done a more thorough job investigating Joe Wurzelbacher than they've done with William Ayers.
None of that is likely to matter to those who see Mr. Wurzelbacher as a symbol of the entrepreneurial spirit they hope to foster with tax cuts, but even Mr. Wurzelbacher said he was shocked by all the attention.
"None of that," meaning the opinions of these anonymous tax analysts who say Joe has nothing to worry about. Anonymous tax analysts have feelings too, you dirty right-wingers.
And Joe may or may not be a symbol of entrepreneurial spirit. Sure, he says he wants to start his own business in the field he's spent years making a career in, but what does that really prove? The NYT wouldn't want to express an opinion on it one way or another.
Just five days ago, Mr. Wurzelbacher, 34, lived in anonymity in Holland, Ohio, a single father who, as he said on national television, worked all day and came home to fix dinner and help his son, 13, with his homework.
But he became the hero of conservatives and Republicans when he stopped Mr. Obama, who was campaigning on his street, and asked whether he believed in the American dream. Mr. Wurzelbacher said he was concerned about having to pay higher taxes as an owner of a small business.
He stopped Obama in the street? Holy racism, he tried to mug Obama!
No, actually, Obama approached him. The One was gracing The Many with his presence by going around door to door in Joe's neighborhood. Because Obama is A Man Of The People (Who Do Not Displease Him With Their Effrontery). Joe was in his yard playing football with his kid, and Obama saw a photo op. Whoops. So get it straight: Joe was visited by the Messiah, not the other way around.
"I'm getting ready to buy a company that makes $250,000 to $280,000 a year," he told Mr. Obama. "Your new tax plan is going to tax me more, isn't it?"
That encounter wound up on YouTube and led to appearances on the Fox News Channel, interviews with conservative bloggers and a New York Post editorial, all of whom seized on a small part of Mr. Obama’s long reply. "I think that when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody," Mr. Obama had said.
See, they didn't quote the whole thing! They just focused on the "spread the wealth" part, and the "I want to take your money and give it to people who are less successful than you because otherwise it's not fair" part. As if it's somehow relevant that Obama revealed to the whole world that he's a socialist. Who cares that he looked one of his inferiors in the eye and told the peasant he doesn't deserve the money he earns?
No, those Faux Noise creeps took Obama out of context. Namely: He's a boring socialist.
There's more -- almost 1,000 words in all, because it's just that big of a story -- but you get the idea. Cut to the big finish:
In his interview with Ms. Couric, Mr. Wurzelbacher, who voted Republican in Ohio's March primary
Say, how did Couric vote in the New York primary?
said that his encounter with Mr. Obama had been prompted by his desire "to ask one of these guys a question, and really corner them and get them to answer a question for once instead of tap dancing around it. And unfortunately I asked the question, but I still got a tap dance."
He added, "He was almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr."
Get the picture, America? That's right: Joe the Plumber just called Obama a Jew.
Best NYT story since Jayson Blair left to pursue other opportunities. Clear some shelf space for your Pulitzer, Larry.
P.S. It might be presumptuous, but I hereby propose we change "fisking" to "Rohter-rooting."
P.P.S. The whole "He's not a licensed plumber!" non sequitur is really fantastic. So, if you happen to be standing in front of Obama when he publicly reveals his socialism, what does the media do? Demands to see your papers. That's just delicious, is what that is.
P.P.P.S. Thanks to Mr. Steyn for the mention.
By Every Reporter Who Still Has a Job
Every Newspaper in America
Page 1 above the fold
Media Bubble, Oct. 8 -- John McCain's bid for the Oval Office suffered another stunning blow yesterday when the Arizona senator referred to Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, as "my opponent." The campaign-shattering remark came during a vicious, Hitlerian speech before an audience of drooling right-wing drones in one of those states in the middle, possibly rectangular.
"I believe that we should do things one way," McSame sneered, his shrunken, twisted body and hideous visage producing overwhelming revulsion in all sane people who beheld him. "But my opponent feels we should do things a different way."
In a comment appearing simultaneously on every single blog, newspaper site, and message board on earth, a number of private individuals completely unattached to the Obama campaign replied: "On behalf of concerned Christian conservatives everywhere, this is the sort of eliminationist rhetoric we've come to expect from the evil, cancer-riddled liar John McPain. We get it, old man: Obama opposes you, therefore he must be destroyed. This sort of disgraceful hate-mongering might be a big hit at your next cross-burning, assuming you live that long, but America knows better. The NVA should have finished the job, you miserable piece of garbage."
McLame lashed out at this levelheaded appeal to reason, firing back that his detractors "have every right to their opinion" and "raise some concerns that, while I might take issue with how they're expressed, are worth considering." It is widely believed that McShame will have conceded the election by the time this story goes to press, hopefully followed by his gruesome death in a fire. Did I do good, Mr. Axelrod?
Oct. 10 update: Please note that I wrote this before all these stories about how "McCain and Palin are racist, fascist facistracists because some redneck who's never even heard of The New Yorker yelled something at one of their speeches." Can I call 'em or what?
Previously in the Media Bubble:
By Markos Moulitsas
Special to the New York Times
Saturday, September 20, 2008; A1
Media Bubble, Sept. 20 -- John McCain's presidential campaign is reeling this morning upon allegations that his running mate, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin, is a poor speller. The charge stems from a passage found in her personal journal, which was obtained by the New York Times via an anonymous source.
"Trig was born one week ago today," the journal's Apr. 25, 2008 entry reads. "I love him so much. This is such a joyus [sic] time for our family."
"I am gobsmacked," said the NYT's source. "Little did I realize when I bought a plane ticket to Alaska, broke into the governor's house, and vetted through her personal belongings that I would find such a startling, stunning bombshell. My heartache at John McCain's blunder is without limit. Would you like to know where I take loads?"
The spelling error has created a firestorm of controversy in the media. On Friday evening's edition of MSNBC's Countdown, host Keith Olbermann devoted his entire hour to the blunder, which he called "the single most egregious error in judgment, Madam Governor, since Eve went apple-picking." In response to this statement of fact, guest Paul Krugman nodded vigorously for nearly one full minute.
When asked for comment about the scandal, Rep. Charles B. Rangel (R-N.Y.) remarked, "What kind of vice-presidential candidate keeps a journal anyway? This woman actually wants to run the country. 'Dear Diary: Today I looked at my pretty face in the mirror for like an hour, then I declared war on Russia.' Bitch retarded."
By Howard Kurtz
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, September 3, 2008; A1
Media Bubble, Sept. 2 -- Embattled former beauty queen Sarah Palin* continued to wilt yesterday under the pressure of numerous fair, evenhanded media questions regarding the alleged state of "Alaska." Palin has claimed to be "governor" of the legendary northern land mass, which, while heretofore undiscovered by explorers, was once rumored to contain vast expanses rich with oil, gold, and "eski-mos."
Palin first made the "Alaska" claim during an Aug. 29 public appearance alongside elderly, mean-looking cancer victim John McCain. McCain, a white man with even whiter hair, has long publicly blocked efforts by Barack Obama, a youthful black man with a certain indefinable aura about him, to move into Obama's new house. Palin, also white-skinned, has been linked to the McCain offensive.
After four days of telling silence from the McCain camp, Palin finally deigned to reappear in public yesterday. In a followup press conference, Palin, who is a girl, lashed out at the media.
"Listen to me: Alaska. Is. A. State. Seriously. The 49th state, in fact. Way up north there. What, did somebody go around your newsrooms and hide all the maps underneath the ethics manuals? Or are you idiots just completely insane?"
Shaking her head in a transparent attempt to feign exasperation, Palin -- who is perhaps not as pretty as she thinks she is -- then left the podium without answering followup questions regarding her plagiarism of CBS's Northern Exposure.
Internet reaction to the unfit mother's unhinged rant was swift. Andrew Sullivan, right-wing blogger for The Atlantic, saw Palin's comments as a major misstep. "She's working the refs. This is what they do. Sure, blame the media. Is it their fault she's too chicken to back up these suspicious claims?
"Look, I'm willing to entertain the idea that there really is a place called 'Alaska.' We've all heard the old wives' tales, and I've dreamed about such a rugged, outdoorsy paradise since I was about 13 or 14. But why is she so afraid to give us some proof? I mean, I've never been there, have you?"
Yukon Cornelius could not be reached for comment.
Update: After consultation with the Association of American Geographers and several DC-area kindergarten students, the Washington Post can now report that many current world maps contain a small area in the northwest corner of North America labeled "Alaska." Palin's relationship with the mapmaking industry is currently under investigation.
*Real name unconfirmed at press time
Previous election: Dan Rather: "Prove I'm Not Queen of the Space Unicorns"