June 16, 2009

Hey, How About We Accept David Letterman's Apology?

Since I'm being congratulated on both the left and the left for starting the ball rolling on this -- I can't take all the credit, guys, but thanks for the high praise -- it's probably expected of me to give a public response to Letterman's apology last night.

He did the right thing.

He gave an apology in which he actually apologized to the specific people he wronged. Which, to some observers, is apparently optional. I don't think it is, nor does anyone else who's honest enough to admit what the word "apology" means, so I'm glad he specifically included an expression of regret for his actions.

And he named the wronged parties, particularly Willow and Bristol Palin. That's the main thing. Whether he intended it or not, he hurt a kid whose only crime was going to a baseball game, and her older sister, whose only crime was having a child out of wedlock just like David Letterman. Well, that's putting aside the unforgivable crime of being born to Sarah Palin.

He said he was sorry, and he didn't play it for laughs (mostly). It might be a week late, but he did finally swallow his considerable pride and say it. And it only took half as long as the last "apology," maybe because he didn't yet again read off the jokes that got him in trouble in the first place and wait for the audience to applaud him for it.

Some people are focusing on his demurral that his intent didn't match the public's perception. But keep in mind, he then immediately said it didn't matter, and nobody's to blame for what happened but him. Basically, he was saying, "I didn't mean it the way it came out, but the results are still my fault." I would have liked him to explain how he and his staff were interested enough in a state governor who lost the last election to track her movements, but too lazy to make sure that their cruel slur against her daughter was actually directed at the correct one. But he did say that he honestly had no idea Willow was at that game. He should've said so to begin with, but at least he finally realized how important that part was.

I'm not saying I'm suddenly a Letterman fan again, but we need to accept his apology. Sarah has, and good for her. She was right to call him out on his phony apology, and she's right to accept his real one.

Now maybe she can accept his invitation and take her message to Letterman's audience. Maybe if he meets her face-to-face, he'll realize she and her family are actual human beings and not just props in his game of Bash the Evil Conservatives to Keep Up with Stewart and Colbert. Heck, he might even listen to what she has to say. He might realize she has something to say.

And if she gets in a few zingers at his expense, as is her due, you can bet he'll go out of his way to be gracious about it.

Well, a promise is a promise, so now that he's said pretty much what I and many others demanded he say: David Letterman does not think raping little girls is funny.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:12 AM

June 11, 2009

Let's Break Down This Letterman/Palin Deal for Our Good Friends on the Left

Apparently it's confusing to some people, so let's see if this helps explain why one of the jokes Letterman made the other night was a joke about raping a 14-year-old girl:

  1. The only Palin daughter who went to the Yankees game that Letterman referred to was Willow.
  2. In order for Alex Rodriguez to impregnate Willow Palin, as delineated in Letterman's hilarious punch line, A-Rod would have to commit statutory rape.
  3. Statutory rape is rape.

I realize I just threw a lot at you there, progressives, so feel free to take as much time as you need to sort through it.

[A long, long time passes]

All done? Think you've got it? Okay.

Now, during Letterman's "part apology, part clarification" that neither apologized for nor clarified anything, he insisted that he wouldn't make a joke about a kid getting knocked up because that would be sick, and he's not sick. While this is truly a mighty fortress of logic, the fact remains that he spent eight full minutes on the topic last night without explaining why it wasn't really a Willow Palin joke, even though Willow was the only Palin daughter at the event he was talking about.

"It doesn't matter which Palin daughter got knocked up in that fictional scenario," you cry. "It's totally irrelevant to the joke!" Hey, don't tell me. Tell Willow Palin. She's the one who went to a baseball game with her mom and dad, and got slammed for it on national TV by a very wealthy and prominent older gentleman who has a history of problems dealing with women.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:14 PM

David Letterman's Stupid Blame-Dodging Tricks

Whew! Everything's okay now, folks, because David Letterman has publicly apologized for cruelly mocking the teenaged children of a politician he doesn't like:

You can tell this is an apology because at no point does he actually apologize. Just because it's an angry, insincere, self-pitying ("Get yourself a talk show, folks"), self-justifying whine, that doesn't mean we shouldn't just drop the whole thing already. They're only jokes, right? First Amendment! You wingnuts do it too! Etc.

So now we're supposed to accept that Letterman wasn't lashing out at Sarah Palin through her 14-year-old daughter -- which would be totally sick, after all -- but through her 18-year-old daughter. He was just too lazy to make sure he was publicly humiliating the correct offspring of the person he clearly loathes, right?

And we're also supposed to accept that even though he was joking about Bristol being a slut -- not Willow, honest! -- it's okay because after all, Bristol is an unwed teen mother. It wasn't a rape joke, silly, it was a whore joke. This is the substance of Letterman's "apology."

ann-dunham-obama-mom11.jpgHey, all you Palin-haters, here's a fun fact you might not know: Barack Obama was conceived out of wedlock when his mom was barely legal!

That's right, Ann Dunham Soetoro was born on 11/29/42, she married Barack Obama, Sr. on 2/2/61, and their son was born on 8/4/61. So lil' Barry would've been conceived somewhere around his mom's 18th birthday, most likely before, with a man who was not her husband. And his parents' subsequent marriage wasn't even legal, because Barack Sr. was still married to a woman in Kenya. Ann was in the same situation then as Bristol is now, except the father hung around a little longer. And she didn't have a seething mob dogging her heels and then running back to their news networks and late-night talk shows.

Boy, I'll bet Jack Parr is in Heaven right now, wishing he'd done some hilarious gags about Obama's mom banging Mickey Mantle and getting hit on by JFK.

Here, Dave, let me try to help you out: "Governor Palin, I apologize for my amazingly stupid and cruel jokes about your daughter, and for being too lazy to even make sure I was joking about the correct one. It was wrong to lash out at you through your children, and I won't ever do it again." If you're capable of saying that, then maybe we'll think about letting you off the hook.

Until then, I'm sticking with "Letterman thinks raping little girls is funny."

P.S. Tim Blair has a good round-up of reaction to Letterman's hostile squirming. Isn't it interesting that CBS took the A-Rod joke out of the transcript it sent out?

P.P.S. The Palins put out a statement that they have no intention of boosting Letterman's ratings by appearing on his show, and besides, it would be wise to keep Willow away from him. I was kind of hoping Todd would help Letterman with a brand-new bit: "Will It Heal?"

P.P.P.S. "Because, you know, all unwed mothers are sluts, except for Letterman's wife." Well, he did marry her... once his son hit kindergarten.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:24 AM

June 09, 2009

It Might Not Be the Best Idea for David Letterman to Joke About Underage Girls Being Raped

Look out, Guy Cimbalo. There's a new thuglike misogynist creep in town:

Before I continue, I'll pause for a moment so you can catch your breath and ease that stitch in your side.

Ready?

Okay. Most of the attention is going toward Letterman's "slutty flight attendant" crack, but this one is actually worse.

At first I thought "her daughter" referred to Bristol. Which would be a pretty crappy joke to make about somebody's kid, no matter how much you disagree with the parents' politics (or mere existence, apparently). But it'd still be fair game. After all, Bristol did what she did. That's not to say she should be happy about over-the-hill comedians getting cheap laughs from her mistakes, but hey, that's comedy.

The thing is, that joke isn't about Bristol: Palin brought her 14-year-old daughter Willow to the Yankees game with her.

That's right: A state governor went to a baseball game with her underage daughter, and a national talk show host made a joke about the girl being sexually assaulted by one of the players.

I realize I'm just an inbred backwoods moron who can't abide by any criticism of Sarah Palin whatsoever, but is this really the precedent we want to set for our politicians and their families?

After all, Samson Obama, one of the president's many half-brothers, isn't allowed in the UK because he tried to assault a 13-year-old girl. Are we to impose the Letterman standard there? Is it okay to make a joke like this?

"How come the First Family never invites Uncle Samson to visit? Because whenever Sasha and Malia sit on his knee, it takes six Secret Service guys to pry them off!"

Or how about this?

"Joe Biden keeps saying he's not really sure where all that stimulus money is going. In other news, Ashley Biden's coke dealer just bought Luxembourg."

Hey, I didn't say they were good jokes. But are they really worse than what Letterman just got away with on national TV? If so, why?

P.S. If you're still not quivering with rage at my effrontery, Ace should make you mad.

P.P.S. The NYT posted a transcript of Letterman's monologue, but one of the jokes was left out. Can you guess which one?

P.P.P.S. As a special treat for Roy Edroso and friends: Lettermanku!

P.P.P.P.S. Letterman doubles down. And then does some Stupid Blame-Dodging Tricks.

P.P.P.P.S. Is your blog sending me very much traffic? Sadly, no.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:01 PM

February 09, 2009

You Can't Say You Weren't Warned

Hey, remember this one?

sarah palin rnc speech acceptance.jpgThis is a man who can give an entire speech about the wars America is fighting, and never use the word "victory" except when he's talking about his own campaign. But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed... when the roar of the crowd fades away... when the stadium lights go out, and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot... what exactly is our opponent's plan?

What does he actually seek to accomplish, after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet? The answer is to make government bigger... take more of your money... give you more orders from Washington... and to reduce the strength of America in a dangerous world. America needs more energy... our opponent is against producing it.

Victory in Iraq is finally in sight... he wants to forfeit.

Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay... he wants to meet them without preconditions.

Al-Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America... he's worried that someone won't read them their rights? Government is too big... he wants to grow it.

Congress spends too much... he promises more. Taxes are too high... he wants to raise them. His tax increases are the fine print in his economic plan, and let me be specific.

The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes... raise payroll taxes... raise investment income taxes... raise the death tax... raise business taxes... and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars.

As you'll recall, it took some time for Obama to recover from this speech. He spent a week stumbling around, babbling about lipstick on pigs and so forth. (He even whined that she didn't write the whole thing herself!) It took the combined efforts of Tina Fey, Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, and many, many others to distract us from this prediction. And now here we are, three weeks into the Changiest Hopefest Ever, and it's all happening just like she said.

Told ya so.

(thx, josh)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:22 AM

December 02, 2008

...from the prestigious law firm of Bunny, Bunyan, & Claus

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, one of my very hard working research assistants has uncovered a piece of evidence which may well turn out to be the final nail in the coffin. I believe it demonstrates conclusively that Gov. Sarah Palin was never pregnant. It has nothing to do with Bristol, or Willow, or anyone else. Because it is so critical, I am proceeding slowly with this one... talking to my attorney among other things.

That's from the appropriately named palindeception.com. I know people who still take Andrew Sullivan seriously, even after his months-long obsession with this nonsense, this Trig Trutherism. Sarah Palin really scares these lunatics.

Which is nice!

P.S. In the comments to the above-linked post, Tina in CA clarifies:

It's not about Sarah bashing, it's about being a guardian for the American public and exposing Palin for the narcissistic fraud that she really is.
Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:16 PM

November 24, 2008

This guy told this joke in Ann Arbor and lived long enough to put it on Youtube

Joe DeVito, via Tim Blair.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:54 PM

November 21, 2008

If this had been Biden...

...he would have been yammering on about how the Pilgrims invented turkey after they landed their speedboats at Fraggle Rock back in 1776.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:33 PM

November 15, 2008

"How you doin'?"

howyoudoin.jpg

And here's the picture Tina Fey would really rather you didn't see:

ouch.jpg

Ouch. She's like Bizarro Palin.

(thx, you pack of @$$holes)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:29 PM

For one thing, a lack of regard for the opinions of people like Dick Cavett

"I'd love to hear what you think has caused such an alarming number of our fellow Americans to fall into the Sarah Swoon."

P.S. In the Hot Air comments at the above link, J.J. Sefton asks:

I am so damned tired of these people. I mean... you won the presidency, have a more or less majority in congress, control the media and cultural dialogue and have the chance to finally create "heaven on earth" by destroying the last best hope for humanity. WHAT THE HELL MORE DO YOU WANT???!!!!!

They want you to submit to their will. It's not enough to win if there are still those who oppose them. They want to indoctrinate into you the one word that Obama propagandist Shepard Fairey has made a fortune putting on merchandise: Obey.

They are fascists. And now they're in power. And we'd better pay attention.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:21 PM

November 10, 2008

From the 52 IQ's to the 49th State

SORRY_SARAH.jpg
sorrysarah2.jpg
sorrysarah3.jpg
sorrysarah4.jpg

Thanks again to the great Batton Lash! As always, feel free to post this, but please don't hotlink and please include a link to Batton's site, exhibitapress.com.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:47 AM

All those millions and yet he doesn't own a mirror

"Obama is busy putting together his presidential cabinet," Letterman said during his monologue on Thursday's program. "Senator McCain is putting together his medicine cabinet: Maalox, Metamucil, Polident, on and on and on."

Dave Letterman: Whippersnapper.

And McCain's appearing on Leno Tuesday night. Maybe he'll finally get around to addressing his own staff's participation in the Palin smear campaign. I like the old man, but every day that goes by without a statement from him... I'm starting to realize why so many people are not McCain fans.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:30 AM

November 09, 2008

This seemed too good to just leave in Breda's comments

I'm pretty much past being bummed about the election, and I'm choosing to view this whole thing as a real-time comedy/reality show. How hard will they have to twist themselves into knots to avoid admitting Obama made a mistake? Did Palin use too many ketchup packets at lunch today? Hey, Biden's eyes are now on the sides of his head. It's an interesting look, don't you think?

Ambling through the grocery store today, looking at all the faces, black, white, and otherwise, I felt a weird sort of elation. Like a weight being lifted, but something more: Soon they'll know. I don't have to keep trying to tell them. They will look back on these days of calm and plenty, and they'll realize what they've done. And so will I.

So I got that goin' for me.

Breda is great! And armed.

P.S. Er, I said that, not Breda. I left it in her comments. Sorry, I worded that vaguely. She really is great, though.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:38 AM

November 08, 2008

I heard Carl Cameron once answered his hotel room door in a full Wonder Woman costume

I'm not sayin' it's true, I'm not sayin' it's not. That's just what I heard. And no, I won't tell you who said it. Under the new standard of journalism, it's plausible until proven otherwise. And I get to decide what constitutes proof.

Better get out in front of this one, Carl!

cameron_carl_320.jpg

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:52 AM

November 07, 2008

Dear silly person at a once-respected magazine:

The big tent just means there's more room for the backstabbers to hide. I know you're not really worried about it, but rest assured that we can find them and kick them out without tearing down the whole thing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go run over a dog in my Jukt Micronics company car while wearing somebody's skull for a hat. Honest!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:41 PM

A nice reason to be glad I was wrong about the polls

Rasmussen
Palin's favorable rating among Republican voters: 91 percent

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:46 AM

November 06, 2008

My letter to John McCain

Dear Senator McCain,

I voted for you, I think you're an honorable man, I respect your service and sacrifice, and I'm sorry you lost.

That said: Will you please speak up in defense of Sarah Palin? I know you must be physically and emotionally exhausted right now. I know you're sick of getting beat up by the press who once loved you. But you need to stick up for this lady. She does not deserve what they're doing to her.

Thanks in advance.

You can send yours here.

(thx, downtheticket)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:54 AM

Here are some pictures of the NYT's Elizabeth Bumiller

No reason. She just seems like a really great lady:

bumiller01.jpg

bumiller02.jpg

bumiller03.jpg

bumiller04.jpg

bumiller05.jpg

bumiller06.jpg

bumiller07.jpg

bumiller08.jpg

You know what would really bring out her eyes? A Burger King visor.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:07 AM

Operation Leper

That's the name of Redstate.com's new project to track down the miserable [Al Swearengen's favorite word] who are sneaking around trashing Palin after she gave them their best shot at winning this thing. Bring these pathetic [inhalers of penis] to light.

P.S. Palin is great. Keep hatin', haters, because she's going to be just fine. If I may quote myself from the early days of Palinoia, two whole months ago: "This lady absorbs abuse and converts it into laser beams of awesomeness."

P.P.S. The NYT has more of this horsecrap, although I didn't read past the description of the McCain/Palin campaign as "now-imploded." Yeah, isn't that how they described Kerry/Edwards '04 too?

Dear NYT Staff:

Now that Obama has gotten what he needed out of you guys, enjoy the looming certainty of sweeping newsroom layoffs. Unfortunately for you, Starbucks isn't hiring either.

Signed,
Ha Ha

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:40 AM

Want to know why Sarah Palin will be back?

Here's why:

"I have absolutely no intention of engaging in any of the negativity because this has been all positive for me for what I believe in, the values that I represent and the progress that I wanna see America be able to make," Palin said when asked about post-election finger-pointing. "Just absolutely no time for the pettiness. And that’s kinda just the way I’m wired. I don’t have time for that."

"This is an historic moment. Barack Obama has been elected president," Palin added. "And God bless Barack Obama and his beautiful family and the new administration coming in. It is time that we all pulled together and worked together and America’s going to reach her destiny."

Trivia answers can be learned. Character is innate. I'd say that the people who've been piling on her, not just for the last two days but the last two months, should be ashamed of themselves, but clearly they're not capable of such.

It's not enough to win, huh? Well, enjoy your misogyny. Maybe I'm just a nutty guy, but I like Palin even though Olbermann and Couric don't.

P.S. From the comments at the above link, a dyslexic Freudian slip:

I am going to pray that the election of Obama will untie this country.

P.P.S. Allahpundit says:

Via Ace, a tasty pile of shinola straight from the stovetop of disgruntled McCain staffers. It's too cute by half, as is the detail about NAFTA; they might as well have tossed in a story about her having to guess who's buried in Grant’s tomb. To believe it, you have to believe she figured out a way to become governor of Alaska while somehow lacking the mental power to piece together which three nations might be involved in the North American Free Trade Agreement. Diehard 'Cuda-haters like Sullivan will, of course, be more than happy to oblige.

P.P.P.S. Schmidt and Wallace: Account for yourselves.

As for Sarah:

"If they're an unnamed source, then that says it all. I won't comment on anybody's gossip, or allegations that are based on anonymous sources. That's kind of a small, evidently bitter type of person who would anonymously charge something foolish like that, that I perhaps didn't know an answer to a question."
Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:53 AM

October 30, 2008

You want to know why I'm not worried?

This is why I'm not worried. They may as well have typed "We're not scared, maybe you're the ones who are scared" 110 times and hit Send.

They're freaking out.

Steady.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:54 PM

October 27, 2008

What does Elaine Lafferty, a staunch Democrat and former editor in chief of Ms. Magazine, think of Sarah Palin?

Not what you'd expect. At least if you've been paying attention to what all the other "feminists" have been saying.

The comments are funny. A Democrat providing a reasoned defense and outright praise for Palin, based on personal knowledge? That's the worst thing ever. Whereas the Republicans who've incoherently slammed Palin, based on little more than the completely biased and outright hostile media coverage? Oh, they're just wonderful.

Again: If Obama is inevitable, why do these guys and gals sound so nervous?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:36 PM

Remember: Yelling "Tell 'im!" is hate speech

leftwinghatespeech.jpg

I'm not about to check, but this might be the first time Sarah Palin has ever given Andrew Sullivan an erection.

Just add it to the list of calm, reasonable responses to Palin.

P.S. More left-wing wit.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:36 AM

October 24, 2008

Biden's been undergoing the same sort of training with Ted Baxter

No wonder Sarah Palin did so well on "Saturday Night Live." Since she was tapped as John McCain's running mate, the Alaska governor has been receiving intense media training from top New York-based presentation coach Priscilla Shanks, who regularly trains the talent from ABC News and CBS News...

Sorry, Hollywood. She's gonna be a bit busy.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:03 PM

You know who has a really tough job? Tina Fey

Boo hoo. At least you're getting paid for your contributions. We're not all so truly, truly fortunate...

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:27 PM

What's $5.3 million divided by $150,000?

The Temple of Barack cost $5.3 million. That's how much the DNC spent on the ridiculously overblown backdrop to Obama's dumb acceptance speech that nobody could even remember 24 hours later. Too bad they didn't add a few more Greek columns, or we could call it the Six Million Dollar Sham.

barackoplis.jpg

And I don't see him traveling with that set. (At least Spinal Tap got some use out of their Stonehenge.) Is the DNC auctioning it off for charity, like the RNC is going to do with the Palin family's campaign threads?

Perspective: 45 minutes of fascist iconography = Two months's worth of clothing for 35 Palin families. A subject, by the way, that you're only bringing up to distract people from Biden's public promise that if Obama is elected, we will be attacked.

The Palins aren't millionaires. She hasn't written two autobiographies about how great she is. She's not keeping the clothes. And now you guys have opened up this line of rebuttal. You really messed up.

Again.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:54 AM

October 23, 2008

Sarah Palin Supersizes Fries

By David Axelrod, Associated Press

Media Bubble, Oct. 23 -- Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has come under fire in recent days after it was revealed that earlier this year, a drive-through meal purchased by the Alaskan Governor contained more than the usual number of french fries.

The discovery was made during a routine Associated Press search of drive-through security camera footage obtained from the McDonald's restaurant at 130 Front St. in Juneau, less than a mile from the governor's mansion. On a tape from Feb. 15 of this year, a woman closely resembling Palin can be seen speaking intently for several seconds, pausing, and then nodding her head and smiling. According to lip readers hired by the AP, the woman may very well have been saying, "Oh, you betcha." And in subsequent interviews, restaurant staff have identified the woman as the governor and confirmed that on the night in question, Palin very likely would have been asked about her desired number of fries.

After days of controversy and several evasions ("I sure don't remember specific details about a fast food run I made last winter. Aren't you being a little silly?"), Palin yesterday acknowledged responsibility for her part in the culinary misappropriation widely known as Deliciousgate.

"Okay, I remember now. Trig was kicking away something fierce, and I really had a craving for a double cheeseburger," the former beauty queen and killer of defenseless animals admitted. "Usually I try to eat pretty healthy, but every once in a while you gotta treat yourself. And I figured the little guy wouldn't mind. Todd said he wasn't really hungry, but he could eat some fries maybe. So when the gal asked if I wanted to supersize it, I figured we could just split the fries. Those things are so tasty."

During an appearance in Indianapolis today, President Obama -- delivering his speech in front of his usual backdrop, an enormous solid-gold statue of himself -- scoffed at the greasy slob's miserable excuse for her career-ending irresponsibility.

"Sarah Palin says she's just an ordinary working-class American. [laughter] Now it turns out she eats strips of potato that have been fried and salted. And if somebody offers her more of them for a slightly higher price... that's just fine with her. [boos] Go along, get along, eh, Governor? Are you going to throw away the American people's money too? We cannot afford to have this woman in the White House. Er, I mean a cancer-ravaged heartbeat away from the White House."

Pres. Obama then emitted a discreet puff of arugula-scented flatulence, curing a nearby blind child.

(At press time, Morgan Spurlock could not be reached for comment on this story.)

Previously:

Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"
Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal
McCain Refers to Obama as "My Opponent"
Biden Clarifies Earlier Remarks on His Dread of an Obama Administration

P.S. Welcome Farkers! Fark.com: If Passive-Aggressive Sarcasm Won Elections, We'd Be Backing Lieberman

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:10 PM

Obama: "And I needed a Greek temple"

McCain: "She needed clothes"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:19 PM

The first 60 seconds of the "Sarah Paylin" p0rn0

Safe for work, probably:

(thx, superficial) Yeah, I know, but you have to keep in mind that this movie cost about as much to make as the Palin family's wardrobe budget Obama's Greek columns.

When Palin gets a question about this -- and she will, especially if Biden keeps speaking in public between now and Nov. 4 -- here's what she should say: "Well, it's nothing I haven't seen before, as you might have guessed from my five kids. I figure these guys can say what they want, as long as they spell my name wrong."

P.S. Watching it for the fifth time, strictly in the interest of research, the dialogue is actually pretty funny:

Paylin: "Can I offer you boys a drink?"
Russian soldier 1: "No thanks, we are already pretty drunk."

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:04 PM

October 22, 2008

Sarah Palin's The Palin family's new wardrobe cost about as much as Obama's stupid Greek columns

barack_stadium.jpg

Pass it on.

So, putting up a ridiculous stage set that made Obama look like a fascist jackass, and then packing it away after one night? That was fine. $140,000-150,000 well spent. But spending the same amount on enough clothes for two months on the campaign trail? That's the biggest scandal since... well, since all the other Palin scandals that weren't.

Have they made an attack on Palin yet that hasn't backfired? Do they think we won't know when it backfires, just because they don't report it on NBC?

P.S. Oh, and now it turns out that the money was to clothe her whole family. How about that. But I'm sure if the Palins were running around in what they wore before she got picked, none of these brainiacs would've had anything bad to say about that.

Did you know Obama's clothes descended from the heavens on a glowing golden cloud? Also, he's a radical socialist and his own running mate said he'll start another world war. But whatever.

P.P.S. That price tag was only for the columns themselves. The whole thing cost... you won't even believe it. If there's an axiom that sums up the Obama campaign, it's this: The more ridiculous something sounds, the more likely it is that it's true.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:21 PM

$150,000, that's a lot of money

Scandalous. Say, is that more than Obama has spent on ads this morning?

And what's that? We actually know where this money came from? Well, that's weird.

Do you think the press is desperately trying to make Sarah Palin look bad to draw attention away from something that's inconvenient for them? Let's say, Joe Biden's attempts to sabotage what might be his last shot at the White House, at the rate his face is melting? I'm asking because I'm not sure. The fact that the JTP pipe-bomb they built blew up in their faces might have something to do with it too. In this hypothetical scenario, I mean.

You know what Einstein's definition of insanity was, right?

Well, it's fun to watch. Keep up the good work, People Who Are Smarter Than Us!

By the way: Notice how nobody on the right is pointing at Biden and yelling, "Eagleton!" You know, the way the left keeps doing whenever Palin scares them.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:43 AM

October 21, 2008

Sure, Obama is an avowed socialist, and Biden says electing him will trigger another 9/11 (which would be just fine with William Ayers), but let's get back to the real issues

Forget all those distractions. What about this???

imreallylosingmypatience.jpg

Did she forget to put juice boxes in their lunches, too?

Who at the AP vetted Brett J. Blackledge, Adam Goldman, and Matt Apuzzo? And why aren't newspapers abandoning the AP faster?

P.S. No distractions:

lookoverthere.jpg

Did you know Michelle Obama makes all of Barack's clothes by hand? The workers control the means of fashion.

They really need to change the name from the Politico to the Obamico.

P.S. How many millions is Obama spending on ads every week? How much is he spending to possibly postpone game 6 of the World Series with his dumb infomerical? And when is he going to tell us where all that money is coming from?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:16 PM

It's a bit awkward, but "pickpocket" would be [the R-word]

Palin dubs Obama: 'Barack the Wealth Spender'

But fine, I'll say it, for Google purposes: Barack the Pickpocket. Hey, if they're going to call you a racist no matter what, why not tell the truth?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:57 PM

Two ways you know McCain and Palin are saying something true about Obama

  1. Somebody in the comments of a blog desperately insists McCain and Palin are lying and it's not going to work and nobody cares.
  2. A media professional or other prominent Democrat calls it racist.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:32 PM

Misogynists for Obama

"The problem for Obama isn't ambition, it's hubris. A more grounded politician would have put in the work to match their aspirations. That Obama hasn't done that bespeaks a tremendous, even scary, overconfidence."

-- An adult

Oh wait, that quote is actually about Sarah Palin, and it's from Ezra Klein. I saw it at a great new site called frighteningprospect.com, which -- and I might need to double-check this -- leans a bit to the left. Here's how they're combating the scary, scary hate speech (that never actually happened) from the evil Republicans:

calm_well-informed_analysis.jpg

Please send this to every undecided voter you know. If this doesn't convince them one way or another, I don't know what will.

P.S. And remember, if somebody yells "Tell 'im!" at a Palin rally, and a very stupid reporter either mishears it or outright distorts it as a threat, that's right-wing hate speech from hateful right-wing haters who lean to the right. That's national news. But this kind of crap, it's just "on the fringe."

You want to wear a t-shirt that says Sarah Palin is a See You Next Tuesday? Hey, this is America. You want to hurt a defenseless woman for daring to hold a McCain/Palin sign? Ahhh, no big deal. Want to trick McCain into a photo shoot for a national magazine, and then use the pictures for the vilest propaganda imaginable? Artistic license. Want to say "F*** all y'all" to an entire political party on your former comedy show? Brave social commentary. Want to plaster up signs in public places depicting Palin as a bloodthirsty ghoul? Youthful exuberance.

Want to yell "Tell 'im!" at a political rally? You racist. You Nazi. You Republican.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:07 PM

"Let's play a little game... which candidate on a national political ticket hasn't held a press conference in over a month?"

The answer may surprise you. (If you've been brainwashed. In which case, you're already formulating whatever excuse you need to believe to calm your cognitive dissonance.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:30 AM

October 20, 2008

Good thing he missed his flight that morning, huh?

Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane compares McCain and Palin to the Nazis.

Ask me again why I'm not worried.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:43 AM

October 19, 2008

Here's why I haven't watched this guy in almost 4 years

Content warning for adult language and childish parochialism:

"I've never heard such a disparity between how cute someone sounds when they're saying something and how terrible what they're saying is." True fact: Obama has gotten where he is in spite of his looks, and he has yet to tell a single lie.

"After eight years of this divisiveness, we're back to this idea that only small-town America is the real America." Hey, Jon. There are more stand-up comedians than plumbers, right? (Larry the Cable Guy is a special case, I think.)

And if all criticism of Obama is racist, can we start calling all criticism of Palin misogynist?

Jon Stewart hates women.

(thx, MKH)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:25 PM

snl haiku

palin raised the roof
fey's resemblance? not so close
poehler's water broke

P.S. After the Weekend Update deal, Palin is the only one on either ticket I can see having a really good time at a wedding reception. If you think that's a bad thing, you suck.

P.P.S. I only saw the Palin clips online, so I don't know if any of the other sketches stole from me again.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:09 AM

October 17, 2008

But Joe "'Jobs' is a three-letter word" Biden is the smart one, right?

Sarah Palin addresses a West Chester, OH crowd and reminds them that no matter what ACORN says, electoral fraud is actually wrong:

"You deserve to know," Palin told thousands surrounding her stage in a suburban community park. "This group needs to learn that you here in Ohio won't let them turn the Buckeye State into the ACORN State."

That story was posted 10 minutes ago, but so far nobody in the Obama camp has pointed out that she probably didn't write that line herself.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:20 PM

Can't you just get that kid in Tennessee to do it?

Want Palin's e-mails? That'll be $15 million

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:50 AM

October 15, 2008

Paging Andrew Sullivan: How did Palin intimidate them?

Secret Service says "Kill him" allegation unfounded

P.S. Didn't Obama bring this up in the debate? The lie, I mean, not the facts. I'm pretty sure he did.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:24 PM

The last presidential debate in U.S. history?

If you believe some people. Sounds a bit paranoid to me. Everybody thinks they know what McCain should do, or isn't going to do, and they think they know what will happen if he does or doesn't. Here's an idea: You might not know as much as you think you do. And that goes for you too, Me.

I'm choosing to go into it with a sense of detached concern. Maybe I'm just being obstinate, but the more they insist "McCain needs a game-changer tonight!," the more desperate they sound to me. Try not to sputter it out in such strained, high-pitched tones, you frontrunners you. Yeah, you're addressing the batter. He should swing when you want him to swing. We get it.

Commence the livebloggination!


Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:43 PM

October 14, 2008

Nobody at that Palin rally yelled that they wanted to kill Obama

Update: Now it turns out that nobody at that rally yelled that they wanted to kill anybody. It simply did not happen.

Patterico explains. They were yelling it about the person Palin had just mentioned: William Ayers. Which still isn't nice, no matter how many people the Weather Underground terrorized and killed, no matter how much ugly anti-American rhetoric they spewed. But it doesn't require an investigation by the Secret Service. That is, assuming Ayers doesn't still have his hand up the small of Obama's back.

But wait, that means the great Dana Milbank...

milbankorange.jpg

...was unclear. Certainly he'll have to set the record straight in the pages of the Washington Post, now that all these people have taken what he's written and used it to concoct huge lies about the political party he can't stand. After all, his reputation is on the line, isn't it?

Ha ha, just kidding. The WaPo probably gave him a raise.

P.S. And even if that guy had called for the death of a politician he doesn't like, would he really be setting a precedent?

killbushshirt2.jpg

kill_bush.jpg

kill_bush_sights.jpg

busheffigy.jpg

death_of_a_president__dvd__large_.jpg

Wouldn't make it right, of course, but it would force all the astroturfers in all the blog comments to explain why the "kill Bush" crap is protected political speech.

"But Palin was whipping up the crowd into a murderous frenzy!" No she wasn't. She dared to talk about Obama's years-long, if not decades-long, alliance with a terrorist. (And Ayers is a terrorist. He doesn't think what he did was wrong, and he won't rule out doing it again. He's no more a "former terrorist," or even a "former radical," than David Berkowitz is a "former murderer." Actually, that's not fair to the Son of Sam, who is actually paying for his crimes.) A handful of people, out of a crowd of thousands, went over the line with it. That's all that happened, and it only seems to be a problem for the media when the crowd is Republican.

All these lying, unethical pundits and reporters are trying to make you believe that not only did Palin hear that guy, but she assumed he was talking about Obama and she approved. Why would they say that if they had any regard for the truth?

Update: Media, leftosphere, Obama himself: "Sorry about that." Just kidding, they'd never actually say that.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:43 AM

October 13, 2008

"Now we finally know what community organizers do, huh?"

That's what Palin should say during the ACORN section of her stump speech. Well, that's what I would say, anyway. Although I don't think I could fit into those heels.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:27 PM

Whether you love Sarah Palin or hate her...

[totally not safe for work]
...you never saw Cheney inspire anything like this. Unless you want to count Lemon Party. (If you don't know what that is, DO NOT GOOGLE IT.)
[/totally not safe for work]

P.S. They keep giving me good solid reasons...

Tina Fey On Sarah Palin: "If She Wins...I'm Leaving Earth"

That's the headline. But underneath she says:

"Election time is always good for [SNL] and this is a bonkers election," she said. "And that lady is a media star. She is a fascinating person, she's very likeable. She's fun to play, and the two bits with Amy [Poehler], that was super fun," Fey says.

Sounds like Lorne told her to cool it with the ystericalhay etoricrhay.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:39 AM

But McCain and Palin should have to answer for every idiot on our side, right?

Obama's official site: Yes We (µn+. Think it might be some kind of coded language?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:52 AM

The latest anti-Palin lie: She's being investigated by the Secret Service

For asking what's up with William Ayers, of course. As far as I can tell, this latest piece of horseflop started with this dopey HuffPo post saying Palin should be investigated by the Secret Service for daring to question The One. And now that's being spread by other silly geese as "Palin is being investigated by the Secret Service." These no-goodniks should go climb a tree.

I apologize for the harsh language, but that's the very first thing that pops up on Google Blog Search right now, and it's kind of irritating. What, the other 70-80 unsubstatiated rumors about her over the last six weeks weren't enough?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:11 AM

At least as qualified as Obama is for the same job, I'd say

Maybe you'll vote differently.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:04 AM

October 12, 2008

I stand corrected

Jake Tapper highlights our bespectacled, underfed Philly friends with their clever, understatedly naughty t-shirts.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:43 PM

October 11, 2008

Good questions

From the comments at Hot Air:

If Palin fired Monegan just to get Wooten fired, why is Wooten still a state trooper?

Wouldn’t Palin have replaced Monegan with somebody who would fire Wooten immediately?

Why isn’t the McCain campaign making the above point?

dKap on October 11, 2008 at 1:54 PM

And here's another one: Why is it no big deal for a presidential candidate to form an alliance with a cop-killer, but if the governor of a state is not terribly fond of one of her subordinates who tased his own stepson and threatened to kill her dad, it's supposed to be Watergate times 17 million?

Logic is racist.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:29 PM

October 10, 2008

Once again: Sarah Palin is not a secessionist

Even after Ethan Winner of Winner & Associates got busted for posting a false, defamatory Youtube video accusing Sarah Palin of wanting Alaska to secede from the Union, some people are still trying to make the case. Apparently they're so scared about Obama's longtime alliance with William Ayers that they'll try anything.

I've already explained why this is a load of crap, both here and on Youtube, but it looks like I need to do it again. If this is old news to you, find something else to read.

Okay, here's her "secessionist speech", which is actually an address to a political convention that was pumping dollars into the Fairbanks economy:

And here's the transcript. I've highlighted the key phrases, just so there's no confusion among those who honestly want to know what she said:

I'm Governor Sarah Palin, and I am delighted to welcome you to the 2008 Alaskan Independence Party Convention in the Golden Heart City, Fairbanks.

Your party plays an important role in our state's politics. I've always said that competition is so good, and that applies to political parties as well. I share your party's vision of upholding the Constitution of our great state. My administration remains focused on reining in government growth so individual liberty and opportunity can expand. I know you agree with that. We have a great promise to be a self-sufficient state, made up of the hardest-working, most grateful Americans in our nation.

So as your convention gets under way, I hope that you all are inspired by remembering that all those years ago, it was in this same city that Alaska's Constitution was born. And it was founded on hope, and trust, and liberty, and opportunity. I carry that message of opportunity forward in my administration as we continue to move our state ahead and create positive change.

So I say: Good luck on a successful and inspiring convention, keep up the good work, and God bless you.

Here's what she's saying: "I don't agree with you, but it's a free country: America. Where you live. Let's just try to remember what we have in common, okay?" She's meeting free speech with free speech, and reminding people she disagrees with that they have a common bond, instead of trying to shout them down.

In other words: She's being an American. Americans don't put out "Action Wires" to intimidate their opponents. Americans don't try to manipulate the criminal justice system to silence their critics. Americans don't scream "Racism!" when somebody dares to dissent.

Not the Americans I'm voting for, anyway.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:01 PM

October 08, 2008

I am of course a racist for agreeing with this gentleman

"Those of you who plan to vote for Obama, you're waiting for somebody to make you happy, when you have the power to do it yourself right now."

TOM!!!

(thx, AP)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:18 PM

October 07, 2008

They're still trying the "Palin is a secessionist" lie

The poor dears. Too bad the "secessionist" thing is completely false.

If these guys are so confident of a big win on Nov. 4, why can't they do a better job of making stuff up?

P.S. Don't bother posting a text comment on that Youtube video that isn't effusive praise. Or a video comment at all. They're so confident of their position that they don't need to be reminded it's provably untrue.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:49 AM

October 06, 2008

Keep a clean nose, watch the plain clothes

This cartoon is inherently racist. Because William Ayers is white.

Previous power-being-spoken-truth-to-by-William-Ayers here.

P.S. CNN is covering Ayers. As opposed to covering for him. I know, I can hardly believe it either. It's fun to watch Anderson Cooper sputter and stammer at the reporter, though, trying to come up with a plausible reason this isn't so bad.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:32 PM

October 04, 2008

Dear Gloomy Gus:

An excerpt from Mark Levin's show last night, for the people who see the desperate campaign against McCain/Palin not as the last gasp of a dying media industry, but as proof of a plummeting sky:

If we don't engage now, four and a half weeks out, then when are we going to engage? When it's too late? I can hear the calls when they start passing this crap [that Obama wants]: “Mark, what can we do?” You can't do anything. Don't you see? It's rigged. The courts no longer uphold the Constitution and limit the power of the elected branches. The elected branches keep pushing people onto the courts who will support what they're doing. The Constitution is being shredded every single day. You're losing liberty every single day. What do you want me to do? What can I say? If you're not going to get engaged, no matter what kind of stupid comments John McCain makes... If you don't get engaged -- not for John McCain, for yourself, for your children, for your future -- then what can I possibly tell you?

I'm going to be honest with you, when I drive around my neighborhood, I see these Obama stickers everywhere. It's like being in Peking -- I guess they call it Bejing now -- when Chairman Mao was around. The photos are everywhere, the stickers are on the cars, the signs are on the lawns... What the hell is going on here? And a lot of you look at that and say, “Oh. It's over.” I look at that, and you know what I say? It's only over if I let it be over. They only roll me if I let them roll me. Screw their yard signs. They're still driving around with Kerry/Edwards stickers on their cars, and they're proud of it, these morons.

Forget the pundits. Forget the polls. Think for yourself and say what you mean. This is a good start.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:47 PM

October 03, 2008

October 02, 2008

Liveblog the debate? Why not?

There's supposed to be a CoverItLive window there, but I'm not sure it works with this crappy version of Movable Type I've never bothered to update. If not, click here.

Well, that sucks. CoverItLive crapped out on me after 2 minutes. Guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way...

  • So far, so boring. I did like "Can I call ya Joe?" She made sure to get that on the mic.
  • She's looking at him. It was bad when McCain didn't do that, so it'll be interesting to see why it's bad when she does.
  • Common sense. She'll take some heat for that.
  • Joe hasn't mentioned anything yet about how this reminds him of FDR's comments on the Cuban Missile Crisis in his interview with Arsenio Hall.
  • Snaps!
  • Joe's point aboutZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
  • Yes! She's hitting the "paying taxes is patriotic" thing. Nice.
  • Ooohh, Gwen's seeing dollar signs.
  • Corporations bad. Bad corporations!
  • "Bridge to nowhere." Good, now a book-banning reference. Wait, no, Troopergate! Oh, there are so many urban legends to choose from.
  • "How long have I been at this, five weeks?" She's sassy. Which is bad! I want a boring VP.
  • Joe Biden is super-boring.
  • I have no idea if what she's saying is true, but at least she's putting some inflection in her voice.
  • Biden's about to contribute to global warming.
  • That's an odd way of putting it: "What's true and what's false about the causes of global warming?" Even scientists can't agree on what's true or not, no matter what Al Gore says. How are a couple of politicians supposed to know?
  • Oooh, she just gave him a "rape kit" opening. (No pun intended.)
  • I thought Obama was against gay marriage? Guess not.
  • Ah! Obama is against gay marriage. So Biden's previous answer was... unclear.
  • Well, if she thinks Iraq is so great, why doesn't she send her own... oh yeah. Never mind.
  • Was that the first reference to Bush tonight?
  • "Your plan is a white flag of surrender in Iraq." Damn!
  • Well, Palin does have the advantage of not campaigning against her own running mate and being reminded of what she said about him.
  • First Cheney reference.
  • Wow, Obama will go after Bin Laden if he actually finds out where the guy is. Whereas nobody's been looking so far.
  • They're gonna hit her on "new-kew-lur."
  • "Talk. Talk. Talk." Whoever said that to Joe should be slapped silly.
  • "Spaiiii-nuh."
  • That's it, Joe, sigh into the mic.
  • Sounds like he needs some Nasonex.
  • Wow, where are these George bushes he keeps talking about?
  • If he doesn't calm down, he might have another aneurysm.
  • Sigh, Joe. Sigh.
  • Smile while you put in the dagger, darlin'.
  • It should be noted that Ifill seems to be fair so far.
  • So they had an answer for this one written down...
  • Didn't Biden just talk about going into Darfur? But now he's against intervention? Maybe I'm just misunderstanding him.
  • Joe's just plain folks.
  • "Say it ain't so, Joe!" She's been waiting to use that one.
  • It's a Folksier Than Thou contest.
  • Nice. That actually seemed like a genuine moment of them both laughing at the same joke.
  • "He's president, not me." Slow down, Joe.
  • Yeah, keep trying to tie this lady to Cheney. Good luck.
  • That whispery thing she does, she could maybe not do that so much.
  • That's it, Joe, you're just too darn passionate. That reminds me of something George Washington said in his first radio address during the Civil War...
  • Does anybody believe Joe Biden has ever had to worry about not having health insurance?
  • Maverick. Yes. We get it.
  • Don't blow a blood vessel, Joe. Yeah, it's annoying, but you just bulled over the moderator.
  • A little dig at the MSM. Good.
  • He should just say "Bush, Cheney, Bush, Cheney" over and over for 2 minutes. Or is it 10 minutes? With him it seems like 10 minutes.

Well, nobody screwed up as far as I could tell, beyond Biden's general douchiness. Even Ifill surpassed the meanspirited jibes thrown her way. I like Palin (if you hadn't figured it out yet) and I was worried that maybe she'd let all this stupid crap in the media get to her. Not only did that not happen, but she actually hit back at them in a very graceful way.

So, take it with as many grains of salt as you like, but she proved her detractors wrong and I'd say she won.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:56 PM

$5.95 is a darn good price

I don't see any substance to this whole "conflict of interest" thing they're throwing at Gwen Ifill, and neither does Iowahawk.

Also, you racists who keep calling her "Gwen Quotafill" should be ashamed of yourselves. You won't see me not using that one.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:09 PM

October 01, 2008

A partial list of Gwen Ifill's questions for the VP debate

gwen_ifill.jpgMayor Palin, Barack Obama is a handsome, charismatic demigod. How many boxes of Kleenex will you need after your crushing loss?

Senator Biden, what is your favorite color? And if you have time for a follow-up question: Why?

Mayor, you talk funny and you own a tanning bed. Why haven't you released Trig's birth certificate?

Senator, have you seen those pictures of Obama in his swim trunks? If not, I have them right here.

Mayor, what are the names, ages, and blood types of all 71 members of the Belgian Senate? And why are you unwilling to admit that your inability to instantly produce any and every fact I demand makes you unfit to stand in the way of history?

Senator, you've spoken at length. Could you please continue?

Mayor, which is your preferred method of stifling dissent, banning books or burning them? Since it's both, please explain how you can deny the accusation that you're a fascist, which I am making now.

Senator, could you please sign my book?

P.S. Do you suppose Saturday Night Live will change it to the Luxembourg Parliament?

P.P.S. History Is Happening Now raises a good point: Jerome Corsi and David Freddoso would make lousy moderators for this debate too. The difference being, of course, that they'd never be asked.

P.P.P.S. I'm told Hannity used this without attribution on his 10/2 radio show. If that's the case, and if you enjoy my work, could you please let him know he should give me credit for it? If he's going to criticize SNL, he should try a little harder than they do.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:41 PM

September 28, 2008

Thanks, I guess

nytlink.jpg

Since somebody over there is reading me, apparently, could you please Google Axelrod astroturfing? Thanks in advance.

Taking a quick look at Palin's Blogrunner page, it looks like the current CW is that she's done for. Deja vu, huh? Sounds a lot like what they were saying in the days leading up to her acceptance speech. These people have the long-term memories of parakeets. Nobody's mentioned Eagleton today, at least.

Well, if Oct. 2 is anything like Sept. 3, Obama is in for a long night.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:28 PM

September 27, 2008

The Difference

To make Sarah Palin look bad, her detractors have to twist her words into the opposite of what she really said.

To make her detractors look bad, all you have to do is walk down the street.

(thx, gordo)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:46 PM

Yet another false, defamatory "Palin is a secessionist" smear ad is up on Youtube

It's called "Palin's Secret Allegiance" and it's here, at least as of 5 p.m. EST. And here's the user page for unitedwestand5077, who joined on Sept. 25 and posted the ad the same day:

unitedwestand5077.jpg

The Jawa Report has more details. This one doesn't seem (to me, anyway) to be as professionally produced as the previous false, defamatory smear ad by Ethan Winner of Winner & Associates, but it's still a lie and whoever created it knows that. You can watch Palin's entire 82-second statement here. As Rusty Shackleford points out, the full quote they've truncated is, "I share your party's vision of upholding the Constitution of our great state. My administration remains focused on reining in government growth so individual liberty and opportunity can expand. I know you agree with that." She also reminded them that Fairbanks, where their convention was held, was the same city where Alaska's Constitution was created.

Wow, how radical, huh? She didn't say anything outside her duties as governor, and she said it in a tone of civil disagreement and with a gentle reminder that the attendees of the convention were going against their state's own history. Cutting off her quote to make it sound like she's a secessionist is just another baseless slur. That's the exact opposite of what she was saying. It's like taking a clip of Obama saying "I am not a Muslim" and editing out the word "not."

On the bright side, if this is the best they can come up with, she's doing fine. Palinoia strikes deep!

P.S. Following the links from the Youtube video, a Democratic Underground thread where it's discussed is here, and the same ad is on Google Video here.

P.P.S. Here's the full text of her statement. Emphasis mine, for anybody who's too thick to get it:

I'm Governor Sarah Palin, and I am delighted to welcome you to the 2008 Alaskan Independence Party Convention in the Golden Heart City, Fairbanks.

Your party plays an important role in our state's politics. I've always said that competition is so good, and that applies to political parties as well. I share your party's vision of upholding the Constitution of our great state. My administration remains focused on reining in government growth so individual liberty and opportunity can expand. I know you agree with that. We have a great promise to be a self-sufficient state, made up of the hardest-working, most grateful Americans in our nation.

So as your convention gets under way, I hope that you all are inspired by remembering that all those years ago, it was in this same city that Alaska's Constitution was born. And it was founded on hope, and trust, and liberty, and opportunity. I carry that message of opportunity forward in my administration as we continue to move our state ahead and create positive change.

So I say: Good luck on a successful and inspiring convention, keep up the good work, and God bless you.

Some secessionist, huh?

If you still don't get it, here's what she's saying: "I don't agree with you, but it's a free country: America. Where you live. Let's just try to remember what we have in common, okay?" She's meeting free speech with free speech, and reminding people she disagrees with that they have a common bond, instead of trying to shout them down.

Compare and contrast this with how Obama treats those who disagree with him.

P.P.P.S. Come to think of it, Palin was doing much the same thing McCain did with his congratulatory ad the day of Obama's acceptance speech. You know, reaching across the aisle. Expressing goodwill and fellowship. Showing some class. No wonder McCain picked this lady.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:51 PM

September 26, 2008

Here's Why Sarah Palin Will Get Killed in the Debate, Pt. 3

palinbiden3.jpg

Haw haw! Wotta dope. It's one thing to think it. But to say it out loud in front of the whole world? Man oh man, this is the worst pick for vice president ever. Can't wait for the debate!

Pt. 1
Pt. 2

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:25 AM

September 25, 2008

Got linked by the Washington Post

trenchwarfare.jpg

Click it to go there. As recently as a month ago, that might have been a big deal. Back before You Know Who came along and removed any doubt that the people we depend on to tell us the news of the world are all completely insane. (Thanks to the Weekly Standard, though. Yeah, they're biased, but at least they admit it.)

Still, it's a good enough excuse for me to take the day off. That and running out of vodka-bottle molotovs to clear my sinuses.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:36 PM

September 24, 2008

Everything I was going to write about the Ethan Winner scandal has been covered by this Youtube clip

Michelle Malkin explains it, clearly and precisely, on Fox News.

Now, it's Michelle Malkin on Fox News, so Olbermann's thick, dented skull is already pulsating. And O'Reilly's going to be covering it tonight, so they might want to put down plastic around the Countdown desk. But it's all true.

(Although I'm not surprised that Bill Hemmer doesn't know how the Internet operates. He barely knows how his hair dryer operates. How does Megyn Kelly put up with him day after day?)

The rest of the press is squeamish about covering the Winner Soldier mess, of course. Why? For the same reason they were squeamish about covering the Rielle Hunter fiasco: Because it might hurt their hero's chances of election.

Which is the same reason they're freaking out over not having unfettered access to Palin even though they wannit-wannit-wannit. How dare she put them on timeout until they can behave themselves? How can they twist her words if she won't give them any? Of course, they didn't complain when Obama held them off the same way. Because in that case, even just a brief moment basking in the radiance of The One was sufficient to nourish those reporters' souls and fill their hearts with enough love for a lifetime. Everything was perfect until that bitch came along!

hillary1984.jpgSpeaking of "bitch is the new black," the press didn't tread so lightly around Obama's astroturfing when it smeared Hillary. Remember that anti-Hillary "1984" ad way back in March '07, which was supposedly created by somebody with no connection to the Obama campaign? Well...

The creator of the faux-Apple ad against Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has been unmasked as a Democratic operative who worked for a digital consulting firm with ties to Sen. Barack Obama, NBC News confirmed Wednesday night -- leaving Obama on the spot.

Andrea Mitchell said that. On MSNBC. For some reason, way back in the old days (18 months ago) it wasn't racist to hold Obama accountable for his actions. Mitchell even said:

The entire episode hangs a cloud over the Obama camp.

Oh, I get it. A dark cloud, right? Next time leave your white hood at home, Andrea! No, on second thought, please wear it whenever you're on the air.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:17 AM

Here's Why Sarah Palin Will Get Killed in the Debate, Pt. 2

palinbiden.jpg

Nice try, you moose-murdering moron! Dumbest. Vice-Presidential Candidate. Ever.

Pt. 1
Pt. 3

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:23 AM

September 23, 2008

Here's Why Sarah Palin Will Get Killed in the Debate, Pt. 1

chuck.jpg

But I hardly need to remind you. Her astonishing gaffe has made front-page headlines for the past two weeks. Good luck, dummy!

Pt. 2
Pt. 3

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:55 PM

PR Firm Linked to Obama's Campaign Manager Is Behind Palin Smear

jawa.jpg...is a headline you'll never see in the New York Times, even though David Axelrod's associate Ethan Winner has just admitted putting up that false, defamatory "Palin is a secessionist" ad on Youtube.

Do you think you'd see this headline?

PR Firm Linked to McCain's Campaign Manager Is Behind Biden Smear

I'm guessing you would. Although such a smear would be a waste of time and money on McCain's part, because the only thing you need to make Biden look bad is a piece of duct tape that is not placed over his mouth.

Winner_Ethan.jpgAre you wondering why Ethan Winner, of Winner & Associates, deleted the Youtube account he'd had since Aug. '06 within hours after Rusty Shackleford at the Jawa Report pointed out the Winner/Axelrod connection? You'll never guess:

Some people have asked why I have pulled the video from the Internet. The reason is simple. Following the posting of personal information about me by the Jawa Report, my family began to receive threatening and abusive phone calls and emails.

This happened, we're led to believe, between 12:15 a.m. and around 4:30 a.m. EST on Monday morning. That's a little over four hours between Shackleford's post and the deletion of the eswinner Youtube account. In the dead of night. He's a regular Jack Bauer, this kid.

Presumably it was the abusive phone calls, and not the abusive e-mails, that woke them up in the middle of the night. Even though Shackleford didn't give out any phone numbers... Come to think of it, which part of that post was "personal information"? Specifics, please.

But hey, if the Winner family really is being harassed by right-wing nutjobs, it's our duty to fix this mess. As commenter Apogee at Patterico.com points out:

It should be quite easy for the Jawa Report to see who logged onto their page between the first upload of the post and the time the video was removed.

Cross indexing the IP addresses of those hits at Jawa with the origination area codes of the offending calls on Winners' incoming phone logs, we should be able to find these dastardly phone terrorists and pay them a visit. After all, it's a very short period of time.

Winner would be happy to cooperate.

Right?

Right.

P.S. "I'll have to get back to you as soon as I can."

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:15 AM

September 22, 2008

The Winner of Our Discontent

I don't have anything else beyond the headline, but I just wanted to post it before somebody else did. Check Memeorandum for more reactions.

winner.jpg

Update: Patterico calls the ongoing coverup attempts "consciousness of guilt." Sounds like it to me. Note to the New York Times: The alleged Winner/Axelrod/Obama connection is no tanning bed, or even a Daily Kos post making an obstetric diagnosis based on a handful of photos, but there are one or two facts there that you could maybe check. Ha ha, just kidding. Wouldn't want you to get kicked off the payroll.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:54 AM

September 21, 2008

So there's supposed to be some kind of big story tonight

Here.

Allegedly.

Hmmm.

P.S. Wow. If that's too much readin' for ya, Ace has a good recap. So does Riehl. Or just watch this. Remember: They're just asking questions.

palinslandered.jpgP.P.S. With apologies to Amused Observer, here's the scoop, in 25 words or less: PR firm linked to Obama's campaign manager apparently responsible for dissemination of knowingly false Palin smears? With the question mark indicating that it's a question.

P.P.P.S. Hey, whaddaya know. If you put up a professionally produced video on Youtube accusing a vice presidential candidate of being a secessionist, but then you take it down within an hour of somebody blogging about it -- at midnight on a Sunday, at that -- it never really happened at all, did it?

P.P.P.P.S. A backup copy of the debunked, slanderous ad can be found here. And it's still on Google Video, at least until they realize it's still on Google Video. I would suggest downloading either or both while you can. Looks like the people responsible for this slander are going to do their best to sweep it under the rug, and they're working 24/7.

And if you're worried that the news won't pick this up: They couldn't ignore Rielle Hunter forever...

Oh! And I came up with the perfect headline for this:

WINNERS FAKE ALL

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:04 PM

He forgot the one about her posing with an air rifle in a Stars and Stripes bikini

Presented without comment:

Subject: Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal
From: emile.leplattenier@gmail.com
To: Yours truly
Date: Sun, 21 Sep 2008 1:46 am

vampalin.jpgYeah, Ok, we'll just stick to the lies which she keeps repeating over and over and over again about the bridge, which she was initially for before congress killed it, but she kept the money anyway. Or, I dunno the fact that she went to 5 s***** colleges in 4 years. The fact that she didn't even have a passport until last year, The fact that she billed her taxpayers to stay in her own house, the fact that she tried to ban books from the library, the fact that she's under investigation for firing someone because he refused to fire her brother in law, that she didn't know what the Bush doctrine was, that she sold the state jet at a loss, that she billed the citizens of Wassilla 50k to renovate her office, that she admitted on television that she didn't even know what the VP does every day, that she thinks the Iraq war is gods will, that she keeps f****** saying that she has foreign affairs experience because she can see Russia from her desk, the fact that she took an 8 hour flight, then a 45 minute car ride after her water broke when she was "pregnant" with a baby who had down's syndrome, yeah, that's great. An evangelical hockey mom. that's exactly who we need when we are facing two wars and the worst economic disaster since the great depression.

All this on a ticket with a guy who was so stupid he finished 5th from the bottom of his class at the f****** NAVAL ACADEMY. A guy who crashed 5 planes in the Vietnam war. 5. He's only a war hero because the 5th time he crashed he managed to get his dumb ass captured by the VC.

Look, lets give the smart people a chance to rule for awhile. The last dumb guy didn't work out so well.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:27 AM

September 20, 2008

Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal

crosspalin.jpgBy Markos Moulitsas
Special to the New York Times
Saturday, September 20, 2008; A1

Media Bubble, Sept. 20 -- John McCain's presidential campaign is reeling this morning upon allegations that his running mate, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin, is a poor speller. The charge stems from a passage found in her personal journal, which was obtained by the New York Times via an anonymous source.

"Trig was born one week ago today," the journal's Apr. 25, 2008 entry reads. "I love him so much. This is such a joyus [sic] time for our family."

Merriam-Webster.com has no entry for "joyus." However, "joyous" is defined as "joyful." Palin has ignored all requests for comment on the controversy, which has been dubbed "Dummygate."

"I am gobsmacked," said the NYT's source. "Little did I realize when I bought a plane ticket to Alaska, broke into the governor's house, and vetted through her personal belongings that I would find such a startling, stunning bombshell. My heartache at John McCain's blunder is without limit. Would you like to know where I take loads?"

The spelling error has created a firestorm of controversy in the media. On Friday evening's edition of MSNBC's Countdown, host Keith Olbermann devoted his entire hour to the blunder, which he called "the single most egregious error in judgment, Madam Governor, since Eve went apple-picking." In response to this statement of fact, guest Paul Krugman nodded vigorously for nearly one full minute.

When asked for comment about the scandal, Rep. Charles B. Rangel (R-N.Y.) remarked, "What kind of vice-presidential candidate keeps a journal anyway? This woman actually wants to run the country. 'Dear Diary: Today I looked at my pretty face in the mirror for like an hour, then I declared war on Russia.' Bitch retarded."

Previously: Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:32 AM

Misspelling Found in Palin's Personal Journal

crosspalin.jpgBy Markos Moulitsas
Special to the New York Times
Saturday, September 20, 2008; A1

Media Bubble, Sept. 20 -- John McCain's presidential campaign is reeling this morning upon allegations that his running mate, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin, is a poor speller. The charge stems from a passage found in her personal journal, which was obtained by the New York Times via an anonymous source.

"Trig was born one week ago today," the journal's Apr. 25, 2008 entry reads. "I love him so much. This is such a joyus [sic] time for our family."

Merriam-Webster.com has no entry for "joyus." However, "joyous" is defined as "joyful." Palin has ignored all requests for comment on the controversy, which has been dubbed "Dummygate."

"I am gobsmacked," said the NYT's source. "Little did I realize when I bought a plane ticket to Alaska, broke into the governor's house, and vetted through her personal belongings that I would find such a startling, stunning bombshell. My heartache at John McCain's blunder is without limit. Would you like to know where I take loads?"

The spelling error has created a firestorm of controversy in the media. On Friday evening's edition of MSNBC's Countdown, host Keith Olbermann devoted his entire hour to the blunder, which he called "the single most egregious error in judgment, Madam Governor, since Eve went apple-picking." In response to this statement of fact, guest Paul Krugman nodded vigorously for nearly one full minute.

When asked for comment about the scandal, Rep. Charles B. Rangel (R-N.Y.) remarked, "What kind of vice-presidential candidate keeps a journal anyway? This woman actually wants to run the country. 'Dear Diary: Today I looked at my pretty face in the mirror for like an hour, then I declared war on Russia.' Bitch retarded."

Previously: Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:32 AM

September 19, 2008

Sarah Palin meets with widespread disdain (among New York feminists)

The NY Sun has all the fun:

Senator McCain's selection of Governor Palin of Alaska as his running mate, which was hailed in some quarters and met with skepticism in others, is sparking intense reactions from some New Yorkers, who report being driven to fits of rage and even all-consuming panic.

"All of my women friends, a week ago Monday, were on the verge of throwing themselves out windows," an author and political activist, Nancy Kricorian of Manhattan, said yesterday.

Fine by me, sweeties, as long as you clean them first.

A posting on a New York-based Web site for women, Jezebel.com, spoke of unbridled anger. "What I feel for her privately could be described as violent, nay, murderous, rage," an associate editor at Jezebel, Jessica Grose, wrote just after the Republican convention wrapped up. "When Palin spoke on Wednesday night, my head almost exploded from the incandescent anger boiling in my skull..."

"It is impossible for me not to read about her in the newspaper in the subway every morning on my way to work and not come into the office angry and wanting to kick things," a commenter using the name ChampagneofBeers wrote. "My boxing class definitely helps."

Try Midol. Or baking something.

Ha ha.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:00 AM

September 17, 2008

What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?

Attendance.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:57 PM

Two questions, one clip

Watch this, if you dare.


  1. Good point, Whoopi: What would John McCain know about being imprisoned and beaten for years by people who hate you because of where you came from? (Thanks, Esthier.)
  2. Could Gutfeld's face be any bigger? Just kidding, Greg. Of course it could.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:08 PM

Northern Exposure (of fears, biases, and lamentation over lost youth)

I just deep-fried myself in Dowdytown. Here's just a snippet of Maureen lowering herself to our level for several excruciating days:

I sautéed myself in Sarahville last week.

I wandered through the Wal-Mart, which seemed almost as large as Wasilla, a town that is a soulless strip mall without sidewalks set beside a soulful mountain and lake.

It's unclear how Dowd was able to gauge the lake's soulfulness without -- as I now invite her to do -- jumping in.

Do these people really think they're helping Obama? Yes, of course they're enlightened and sophisticated, possessed of a level of taste and discernment far beyond the comprehension of such simple backwoods folk. And of course Mo & Co. take it as their due to look down upon the common rabble with which they're being forced to associate. But do they really believe this will appeal to anyone but their own rapidly dwindling audience? Will it actually convince anybody who's on the fence not to vote McCain/Palin?

Let's hope they don't wise up before November.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:42 AM

September 16, 2008

The leg show alone will be historic

Next week: Couric vs. Palin.

If you think Katie will be a sneering, condescending harpy* just because Sarah's a Republican, keep in mind that the two of them have something to bond over: They've both endured highly publicized colonoscopies.

P.S. They can also compare tans. Did you know Palin owns a tanning booth? Which she paid for out of her own pocket? In a place where in the winter it's dark for almost 20 hours a day? Oh, and a tanning booth can cost up to $35,000. In other news, I own a car, which can cost $100,000 or more. A word of advice for John McCain: Concede, sir.

*As opposed to Charlie Gibson, who was a sneering, condescending gargoyle.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:37 AM

September 15, 2008

Yet another reason to like (OR HATE WITH THE FURY OF 1,000 SUPERNOVAS) Sarah Palin

She's lured Greg Gutfeld back to HuffPo. Questions are raised! Keep an eye on the comments, because I get the feeling there'll be a whole lotta seethin' goin' on.

By the way, you can find a list of the books she's banned here. It might take a while to get through it. Bring a book!

I actually wrote a book about all the books she's banned, but she banned it. Then she shook her grandson Trig in my face and screamed, "Go back ta Russia!" (which was right across the street), and then Jesus rode by on his pet dinosaur and they all seceded from the Union. The woman is a menace.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:41 PM

September 14, 2008

A Tale of Two Tinas

palinfey.jpgTina Fey on SNL, 2/23/08:

...We have our first serious female presidential candidate in Hillary Clinton. And yet, women have come so far as feminists that they don't feel obligated to vote for a candidate just because she's a woman. Women today feel perfectly free to make whatever choice Oprah tells them to.

Which raises the question: Why are people abandoning Hillary for Obama? Some say that they're put off by the fact that Hillary "can't control her husband," and that we would end up with "co-presidents." 'Cause that would be terrible. Having two intelligent, qualified people working together to solve problems? Yuck! Why would you let Starsky talk to Hutch? "I wanna watch that show Starsky!"

You know, what's it, America, what is it? Are you weirded out that they're married? 'Cause I can promise you, they are having exactly as much sex with each other as George Bush and Jeb Bush are.

Then there is the physical scrutiny of her physical appearance. Rush Limbaugh, the Jeff Conaway of right-wing radio, said that he doesn't think America is ready to watch their president "turn into an old lady in front of them." Really? They didn't seem to mind when Ronald Reagan did that!

Maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that: Jjyeah, she is! And so am I, and so is this one [indicates small blonde woman to her left]. You know what? Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and they sleep on cots and they're allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year, you hated those bitches... but you knew the capital of Vermont.

So I'm saying, it's not too late, Texas and Ohio! Get on board! Bitch is the new black!

Tina Fey on SNL, 9/13/08:

Hiyyy, Iyyy'm Sarah Payyylin! How's it goin', eh? Iyyy don't knoh nuthin'. Iyyy burn books and Iyyy hate furrners and Iyyy think a diyyynosaur bit off John the Baptist's head, and other stuff ya read on the Daily Kos, yah. Iyyy'm so dumb, Iyyy didn't even knoh what Chyarlie Giyyybson was talkin' aboot... yah knoh, that one thing even he couldn't properly defiyyyne.

Iyyy haven't been through all the triyyyals and triyyybulations Hillary has, stayin' with Biyyyll so she can riyyyde his coaht-taiyyyls. Iyyy just raiyyysed a family of fiyyyve while becomin' gohvernohr of a stayyyte and cleanin' up my own pahrtyyy. You betcha, yah. Doyyyyyyy!

Apparently it's good to be a bitch... unless the bitch is better-looking than you. Well, okay, I'm sure the looming threat to Fey's entire worldview also has something to do with her sudden repudiation of feminism.

Did love the Palin poses, though. Apparently Fey has been scrutinizing her physical appearance?

P.S. To Mr. Damon and the writing staff at SNL: Seriously, the "dinosaurs" thing comes from a blog joke. She did not actually say that. Please don't be so silly. (Unless you're trying to hurt Obama. In which case, feel free.) It was also debunked on CNN, which may be why you didn't hear about it.

P.P.S. A Palin campaign adviser says: "She thought it was quite funny, especially because the governor has dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween." That's right, guys, she's just a dumb sledneck with no media savvy whatsoever...

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:08 AM

September 13, 2008

MCCAIN PREVARICATED, CROWD WAS OVERESTIMATED

McCain-Palin Crowd-Size Estimates Not Backed by Officials

That's it, game over, time for Maverick to concede.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 05:46 PM

ABC: Anything But Candor

If you're a longtime media pro like Charlie Gibson and you've convinced yourself that a vice-presidential candidate is an ignorant, warmongering yokel because she has an (R) after her name, apparently you won't even let her own words disabuse you of that notion. Newsbusters has the details.

And if you're a longtime media consumer and feel like writing to Mr. Gibson, click here. This is the letter I just sent:

Dear Charlie,

Thanks for your interview with Sarah Palin, but we have one request. Next time, could you not treat her like a genocidal pedophile who just strangled your dog? Charles Manson got a fairer shake than this woman.

And if you could avoid editing out anything that makes her look good, hitting her with nebulous gotcha questions that nobody else on earth could answer any better than she did, and just plain making stuff up, that'd be great too.

Signed,
Your Dwindling Viewership

(You're limited to 500 characters on the web form. Good idea on their part. I submitted this as "Stewart Pidaso," which I think you'll agree is the height of wit.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:51 PM

PDS?

Yes, it's obvious that an extreme form of mental illness has swept the newsrooms and left-wing blogs of this great nation ever since Sarah Palin showed up and cheerfully stomped on their dreams with her open-toed pumps. But "Palin Derangement Syndrome" just doesn't do it for me. I prefer:

Palinoia.

The Obama camp, as part of this "tough" "gloves-off" approach, is already throwing out code words like "swiftboating" and "Rovian." Talk about playing to the base. How long before they start bleating, "What about Building 7?"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:56 AM

September 12, 2008

Did you know McCain is super-old?

ludacris_obama.jpgObama is now going after McCain for being "an out-of-touch, out-of-date computer illiterate." Which is smart. Young people have always been the most reliable voting bloc in American politics, and they will turn out in great numbers to oppose any reminder of their own mortality.

One way of getting in touch with young folks is to speak to them via the medium of popular music. A little known fact I just made up is that John F. Kennedy was the original drummer for the Beatles. That's how he became president, because all those cheering, fainting girls voted for him.

But we're living in the here and now, and the hip hop sounds are what today's kids like! So I've written a rap song for Barack to rap so he can become president because he's not some old white dude:

Well! My! Name is Obama and you're going to hail the Chief
McCain's so old that he's missing several teeth

I jog every day and nutrition is a must
If McLame fell down, his fool ass would turn to dust

I'm smooth and I'm youthful and I look good in a suit
He's a cranky old bastard and a cancer-ridden coot

He tried to send an e-mail but he couldn't find a stamp
He has to wear Depends or his trousers get damp
Way back in the '80s, his nickname was "Gramps"
And his wheelchair's hilarious without an access ramp

My Twitter page tells you which tie I've just selected
So don't vote McCain, he's far too old to be elected

Seriously, please don't vote for him
I want to be president very badly and if I lose, my wife will kill me
Literally
You people can't do this to me over some snowbilly baby-machine out of a Coen Brothers movie

Peace and I am out!

It's a work in progress, obviously, but once it's finished I really think it's going to get the youth vote out to the polls.

P.S. But seriously, folks: These last two days we've got a young presidential candidate ineptly doing the dozens on his older, more experienced opponent, and an elderly network news anchor seething with frustration over his inability to destroy a young, less experienced vice-presidential candidate. Which would seem to be working at cross-purposes. "Young people, old people... why not alienate 'em all?" Except McCain and Palin have that one thing in common: the scarlet (R). So flail away!

P.P.S. And we know Charlie Gibson is Internet-savvy, because he Googled those questions 10 minutes before the interview. He has no problem using a computer because he wasn't tortured for 5 years, unless you count waiting for Peter Jennings to give up his seat.

P.P.P.S. Those gloves Obama just took off? They're pink, they go up above the elbow, and he wears them to the opera. BAM!!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:15 PM

Anchorage vs. Anchor Rage

Why is Charlie Gibson so angry at Sarah Palin? Based on yesterday's performance -- and that's the exact word for it -- you'd think he was interviewing Richard Speck or the Zodiac Killer. If they were Republicans. (Actually, do we have any proof Palin isn't Zodiac? Can she account for her whereabouts at that time? You'd better get on that one, Andy.)

And based on the transcript ABC just released of Pt. 3, Gibson is so torked off at her that he can't even remember if Alaska is a state or a country. After the dozens of baseless charges they've blindly flung at her over the last two weeks, the swiftness with which those charges have been debunked, and the massive groundswell of Palinmania this smear campaign has inadvertently caused... You'd think a network news anchor could at least attempt a civil tone.

Or maybe that's why he's so frustrated? Maybe he sees her as some sort of slippery Arctic eel who nobody can hit with one scurrilous accusation after another, for the simple reason that they're not true. I can see how that might be irritating to a veteran journalist who's convinced he knows everything.

Or maybe he understands that he'll never hear the end of it around the office if he doesn't act like a dick.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:43 PM

September 11, 2008

A sneak peek at Part 2 of the Gibson/Palin interrogation

kangaroo.jpg

Gibson: What do you think of the Constitution?

Palin: Could you... be more specific?

Gibson: [stares at her over his glasses]

Kos: OMG SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE CONSTITUTION IS!!!!

P.S. Isn't it funny how the comments at my favorite blogs are suddenly full of names I've never seen before who not only claim to know exactly what the "Bush Doctrine" is, but want to convince me that Palin's request for clarification is proof of her unreadiness? And by "funny" I mean "pathetic and desperate." This astroturfing crap is really starting to affect my sense of humor.

P.P.S. "This type of stuff is what is killing the Left blogs right now." But you know who begs to differ? Shimmysham.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:32 PM

The interview

That thing was chopped up like a Cobb salad. They literally cut off the last word of her sentence at least twice. And I need to check eBay to see if they're selling the tack they put on Charlie Gibson's chair. But she didn't fall for his gotchas, and she didn't let him misquote her. All in all, she did pretty well for her first major media interview, particularly with a sour old man radiating hostility and a burning desire for schadenfreude into her face.

So: Now somebody's going to ask Obama those questions, in that tone, right? Or at least Biden?

You can watch Gibson's Nov. '07 take-no-prisoners interview with Obama here. Sample question: "What... flipped?" Exit question: "Why is it so awesome that you're multiracial?" [bats eyes coquettishly]

P.S. I almost forgot. At the beginning of the interview, did you catch that he tried to get her to look directly into the camera and say she was ready to be president? You could see him jabbing his thumb at the camera behind him as he said, "Can you look the country in the eye and say that?" It was like he wanted her to cut a WWE promo or something. I don't know what that was supposed to be about, but she didn't take the bait. She stayed focused on his face as she gave the answer he obviously fears most in the world: Absolutely. Which couldn't have been easy for her, because his face is very yucky.

P.P.S. The Bourne Imbecility.

P.P.P.S. Oh, and Gibson's big gotcha: Did you know it was called the "Bush Doctrine"? I'm familiar with the concept -- or at least what some claim the concept to be -- but I had not heard it called that until tonight. At least Charlie didn't tip his hand by calling it the "Chimperor Doctrine." I've got a sneak peek at Pt. 2 here.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:02 PM

Uh-oh, Sarah Palin has never brokered a peace deal between anybody but a bunch of Eskimos!

Oh gosh. Well, here's an interesting Google search to try:

"john edwards" "national security experience"

He was in the running to be a heartbeat away from the presidency back in '04, after all. And here's a good one from a December 30, 2006 story in the Washington Post, back before Edwards became a not-so-proud papa once again, and he was still running for president:

Edwards knows he will continue to get questions from reporters about his foreign policy expertise, as he did on Thursday when he launched his candidacy. Though he believes most Americans think someone who has been on a national ticket is qualified to be president, he knows that even minor mistakes on his part -- a slip of the tongue, the inability to answer an obscure question -- will be potentially damaging.

But he had a ready answer this week to the question of national security experience: Bush had the most experienced team in history, and still the United States ended up in a mess in Iraq. Experience, he said, is not a guarantee of good judgment.

Somehow I don't think we'll be hearing any of that again anytime soon.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:16 PM

A plea for understanding

We have seen, are seeing, and will continue to see all kinds of stupid, outrageous, hateful things being said about the Republican ticket and their families. We should catalog and critique these outbursts, yes. But don't take it personally: Everyone grieves in his own way.

BTW, has anybody in the evil right-wing blogosphere retaliated against the attacks on Palin's children by going after Obama's children, instead of criticizing the man's utterances and behavior? I'm asking because I don't know. I haven't seen anything like that, and I've been following this whole thing fairly closely. To be honest, I know he's got two or three daughters, but I couldn't name them if you paid me. Which is as it should be.

Well, if not, it's probably part of a Rovian plot to avoid the appearance of impropriety. Devious!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:28 AM

It's really starting to get good, isn't it?

  • Remember that Sherlock Holmes story about the dog that didn't bark? How about the Sharpton who didn't race-bait? Here we've got all these white folks criticizing the behavior of the most famous black person in the world (sorry, Urkel), and yet Rev. Al is not in front of a television camera, yammering. Did he even say anything about the "community organizer" business? His absence is glaring.
  • Not that I'm complaining! (Sounds like Al's busy anyway.)
  • The best analysis of Palin's humor I've seen yet comes from Barbara Kay in the National Post:

    Humour [silly Canada] is permitted entry to dark cavities closed to straight criticism, so Palin used steady-handed wit as her probe. As every comedian and experienced public speaker knows, failed on-stage humour is first cousin to death. Factor in the supreme importance of the occasion, an audience of 39 million voters, the greedy gaze of slavering media hyenas and the enormous additional risk of "dissing" an African-American saint: What we witnessed on that Minnesota stage, my friends, was an awesome demonstration of raw courage.
    No kidding. A few months ago, even Jon Stewart couldn't get laughs with Obama material. You could almost hear the audience thinking: "Is this okay? Will people think I'm a racist?" Now it is okay. It's okay to make fun of a guy who could be president, even though inevitably some idiots will call you a bigot. So thanks for breaking that glass ceiling, Sarah.
  • More and more it's becoming apparent that Palin's speech, although sent out to the world, had a target audience of one. The One! And boy, did she ever set up camp inside his head. No wonder his only response that night was, "Well, er, um... she didn't write it all by herself?" No wonder Olbermann swept aside his entire television career and criticized her for being sarcastic. No wonder we're still talking about her speech a week later. (Quote me something from Obama's acceptance speech, AKA The Best Thing in the History of Talking. Go ahead, it was only two weeks ago. No Googling.)
  • Phil Griffin, president of MSNBC: "This makes me so mad, because it's so untrue. Somebody is spreading rumors. It's wrong. It's getting into the echo chamber." And no, of course he isn't talking about his network's treatment of Sarah Palin. (And guess who the real victims in that story are? So much for "History is written by the victors.")
  • I've run exactly as many successful presidential campaigns as Joe Trippi. Can I have some money?
  • Roger Ebert got his start working with Russ Meyer. Now he has a big problem with an attractive woman who's smarter and more powerful than he is. I'm sure the two things are completely unrelated. Update: Whoops, now that column has disappeared quicker than Ebert's lunch. Well, you can still find the money quote here. And thanks to Saint Kansas for pointing out some sweet, sweet irony.
  • Move over, Sarah Silverman: He's f***ing Obama.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:40 AM

September 10, 2008

Barack Obama: Jerk?

Barack_Obama.jpg
My initial reaction to Bacongate was, "Well, it's just another gaffe. Obama couldn't possibly be dumb and mean enough to call Palin a pig." Yeah, she mocked him during her convention speech, but it was all about his record (or lack thereof) and soaring rhetoric. Which isn't nice, perhaps, but that stuff is fair game in a political campaign. Could he really be so thin-skinned and self-serious that he'd start hitting back with personal insults?

At first I thought it was a mistake for the McCain camp to demand an apology. As I told my close personal friend Glenn Reynolds, I thought they should have said something like:

"We're pleasantly surprised by Senator Obama's newfound sense of humor, and look forward to watching it develop over the coming weeks and months."

You know, rise above it, while still reminding everybody that Obama is a stiff, humorless, gaffe-prone scold.

But now I'm having second thoughts. I think he meant exactly what the crowd obviously thought he meant, because it fits a clear pattern of behavior.

Putting aside the astonishing smear campaign against Palin, which is definitely not grassroots, just look at some of Obama's past antics. In no particular order:

  • What was the Obama camp's initial reaction to Palin's announcement?
    "Today, John McCain put the former mayor of a town of 9,000 with zero foreign policy experience a heartbeat away from the presidency. Governor Palin shares John McCain's commitment to overturning Roe v. Wade, the agenda of Big Oil and continuing George Bush's failed economic policies -- that's not the change we need, it's just more of the same."
  • Yeowtch! And her palmprints on the podium were still warm. (Quite a contrast to McCain's ad, less than 24 hours earlier, congratulating Obama on his achievement.) But then, later that same day, Obama walked it back:
    "I think that... campaigns start getting these hair triggers and the statement that Joe and I put out reflects our sentiments," he said, according to the pool report, apparently criticizing his staff for going overboard, as he did occasionally in the primary.
    So he's not the hostile, panicky jackass. It was his staff's fault. Yes We Can... Pass the Buck!

  • Speaking of McCain's congratulatory ad, which as far as I know is unprecedented, how did Obama return the gesture? By finally going on The O'Reilly Factor, after months of begging by O'Reilly, on the night of McCain's speech. Your opponent goes out of his way to show some class on your big day, and you thank him by trying to steal his thunder?
  • After Bill Clinton, ahem, swallowed his pride and endorsed Obama at the DNC, what song did they play afterward? "Addicted to Love." Classy!
  • During a campaign event last April, Obama emphasized a point about Hillary by scratching his cheek. With his middle finger. Innocent, offhand gesture? I thought so at first. Now I'm not so sure.
  • The "dirt off your shoulder" thing. At first I thought it was funny, and I like that Jay-Z song, but in retrospect the gesture seems -- much like Jay-Z -- arrogant and deeply unpleasant. And based on what we've seen from Obama over the past week, it's obviously delusional. Not only can't he brush the dirt off his shoulders, but he's piling even more on them as he digs this deep, deep hole.
  • And to go beyond mere jerkiness: What's up with putting out an "Obama Action Wire" to try to shut down a Chicago radio station for talking about his ties with William Ayers? If Ayers is just a guy in Obama's neighborhood, why launch thousands of phone calls and e-mails at the station, all spouting the same talking points? You can download an MP3 of the show in question here. It's one thing for MoveOn or Kos or Media Matters (at the risk of redundancy) to do that kind of crap, but this came from the official campaign site. Does it bother anybody else that a presidential candidate is openly trying to stifle dissent? Doesn't Obama know that as president, he would be criticized every minute of every day? Does he plan to shout them all down?

But hey, I could be wrong. These could all be coincidences and/or innocent mistakes. Maybe it's everybody else's fault. Maybe he isn't really throwing rocks and hiding his hand.

P.S. And before you start? In the words of the immortal Harvey Keitel: "I didn't make a statement. I asked a question."

P.P.S. A couple of other examples people have pointed out: Obama ignored the fact that Palin is the governor of Alaska and called Wasilla "Wasilly" (which was what triggered her "community organizer" comeback, which in turn apparently triggered his ongoing meltdown), and he called that female reporter "sweetie." Again, those both can be passed off as innocent mistakes until you fit them into this pattern of behavior. I guess for his fans, it doesn't count as rude, immature behavior as long as he has a serious look on his face.

P.P.P.S. Mocking McCain's war injuries and alienating everybody older than Obama would certainly qualify. Either it's on purpose, which goes way, way beyond jerkiness, or they didn't do a simple Google search to learn why McCain has trouble using a computer keyboard, which means they're panicky idiots.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:35 PM

Yes, "putting lipstick on a pig" is a fairly common saying

So is pointing your middle finger downward, saying "Want me to turn it up?", and flipping it skyward. So if Obama accidentally does that one during a campaign speech, let's try to give him the benefit of the doubt, hm?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:15 PM

We need to continue Andrew Sullivan's fine work

It looks like the Daily Dishevelment is taking a break from spreading every single insane rumor about Sarah Palin that Sullivan gets from the Obama campaign his readers. We need to fill the gap, don't you think? No pun unintended.

Here, I'll try:

AndrewSullivan.jpg Oh. My. GOD. There can be no other possible conclusion: Sarah Palin has a secret '80s lovechild with that dude from Journey.

Do we really want a Vice President who won’t even admit she's got a mega-mulleted bastard son walking around out there? Did Steve Perry threaten to expose this coverup? Is that the real reason they replaced him with a tiny Filipino gentleman? It's called a chain of evidence, people.

Let's see the birth certificate, Sarah. Unless that's somehow a problem?

Update: A reader has linked Palin to yet another '80s musician. How many illegitimate children does she have, anyway? Why isn't anybody talking about this? Why is the media in the pocket of the Republican Party?

Please leave your own Sullivanesque BREAKING PALIN NEWS in the comments. Or don't.

(Thanks for the idea, AP.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:05 AM | Comments (7)

September 09, 2008

Guess you had to be there

CBS:

Barack Obama took it up a notch – or two - at a town hall meeting tonight where he used comedy to mock and ridicule the McCain-Palin ticket.

"I mean think about it, you guys remember this, it was just like a month ago they were all saying 'experience, experience, experience'," Obama said as the crowd snickered, "Then they chose Palin and started talking about 'change, change, change' - What happened?"...

"I mean, mother, governor, moose shooter?! I mean I think that's cool, that's cool stuff," Obama said about Palin's biography.

When discussing McCain's energy plan, Obama poked fun at his line on drilling. "What were the Republicans hollerin', 'drill baby drill'? What kind of slogan is that?! They were getting all excited about drilling!"

The most impressive thing is that he writes his own material. Have you guys seen his half-hour special on HBO? I could not stay in my chair during the bit about the vitamin content of various vegetables.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:57 PM

...to know which way the wind blows

Why are you reading this, racist?

(With no apologies to William Ayers)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 02:09 PM

Where did Abraham Lincoln go to college?

I ask because another slam against Sarah Palin, among the seemingly infinite number being grasped at by a desperate Obamanation, is that she went to five or six colleges in six years (none of which Obama would have been caught dead in) before graduating. Which is a reason not to vote for her, apparently. She must be a big dummy!

Well then, how did Lincoln get elected? He went to zero colleges in 56 years. Most people will agree that he did a pretty good job anyway.

Isn't it kind of elitist to imply that somebody's not worthwhile unless she went to the right schools? Are there no idiots in the Ivy League? Do you really want to alienate all the voters who had to settle for less?

And if you think it's ludicrous to compare Palin to Lincoln: Which campaign is it that keeps bringing up the community-organizing experience of the son of God? At least I'm not comparing apples and oracles.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:37 AM

September 08, 2008

Yeah, Joe, she's being sequestered

runandhidesarah.jpg

Here she is in Colorado Springs last Saturday, ducking the press again. You can't hide forever, Sarah!

(Pic courtesy of Ace)

P.S. McCain/Palin is running on a reform platform, right? Do you suppose they ever could have dreamed they'd also end up implementing reform of the media?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:33 PM

The Atlantic is launching an advice column, and I sure could use their help

Here's the letter I just submitted via their online form:

I run a once-respected magazine, but a while back I made the mistake of hiring a crazy person who's now turning our reputation into Alaskan Husky droppings. Should I fire him by e-mail or just stop paying him?

Fingers crossed!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:51 PM

OMG PALIN JUST LOST THE RACE!!!

Via Sam Stein at the Green Acres Gazette:

Gov. Sarah Palin made her first potentially major gaffe during her time on the national scene while discussing the developments of the perilous housing market this past weekend.

Speaking before voters in Colorado Springs, the Republican vice presidential nominee claimed that lending giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had "gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers." The companies, as McClatchy reported, "aren't taxpayer funded but operate as private companies. The takeover may result in a taxpayer bailout during reorganization."

Economists and analysts pounced on the misstatement, saying it demonstrated a lack of understanding about one of the key economic issues likely to face the next administration.

In other news, Senator Barack Obama today remarked to a Michigan crowd, "I'm going to burn you all alive with a flamethrower." Obama later explained that he meant to say, "I'm going to give you all free candy for life," and promised that unnamed campaign aides would be chastised. Back to you, Wolf.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 09:54 AM

Here's how Palin should handle those who are trying to destroy her, sometimes known as "the press"

Patterico links to a Youtube clip of Sarah Palin being interviewed on C-SPAN last February 28, and Simon at Stubborn Facts has more. She comports herself well in that first clip, I think. And for you people who keep asking how can she handle the job with all those kids -- I believe you're known as "concern trolls," right? -- please note that she was seven months pregnant at the time of that interview.

But Patterico has this caveat:

Of course, these interviews aren't conducted by jackals trying to trip her up with pop quizzes about the identity of the leader of Podunkstan. It will indeed be interesting to see how she handles those sorts of questions, but I won't be cringing for her — I'll be looking forward to watching her take off the heads of the idiots who ask her the questions.

Yeah, if she's as clever and strategic as she's shown herself to be over the last 10 days, her answer to hostile interviewers who want to play Pop Quiz -- which is pretty much all of them -- should be along these lines:

"You do realize that presidents and vice presidents have support staffs, don't you? When a vice president needs an answer to something like that, she gets it almost before she finishes the question. I can send you a box set of The West Wing if you need a refresher. What a great show. It also portrayed the importance of speechwriters in presidential politics, which apparently our distinguished opponents thought everyone had forgotten the other night. Maybe because real-life speechwriters don't tend to look like Rob Lowe? Or maybe only Democrats are allowed to have them.

"But back to your question. You seem to be implying that if I don't know something you didn't learn about until you were preparing for this interview, somehow that means I'm not qualified for office. I realize you're just doing your job, but don't you think the American people want a leader, not a Jeopardy winner?

"And by the way: Did you ever ask John Edwards that question?"

Smiling all the while.

P.S. And 10 minutes after it airs, the newly minted, completely grassroots JeopardyWinners4Justice.com will demand an apology...

P.P.S. Shadooby.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:49 AM

September 07, 2008

Only Being Analytical, My Allies

Just thinking out loud here:

  • Dozens of unsubstantiated rumors about Sarah Palin and her family have been blasted out onto the Internet over the last 10 days, seemingly starting within hours of her introduction.
  • These slurs start on left-wing blogs (and left-wing blogs that insist they're right-wing), and soon fill up blog comments everywhere.
  • The smears are then read by "journalists," who spread them to their audience.
  • They're almost instantly debunked.
  • This keeps happening over and over, even though it's not working.
  • It seems unlikely that so many independent bloggers and blog commenters would suddenly and simultaneously become self-described experts on somebody who most people hadn't heard of two weeks ago.
  • It's more probable that these lies and half-truths are coming from a single source and are being made to look like the work of a grassroots movement. A netroots movement, if you will.

With all that in mind:

Who would have the means, motive, and opportunity to launch such a wide-ranging smear campaign so quickly?

More importantly: Who would have enough at stake to be so obviously panicky about it?

I can't think of anybody either.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:46 PM

Media Entitlement for Dummies

media_entitlement_for_dummies.jpg

If I worked for the McCain campaign, here would be my response to this, in full: "If the press wants to know Gov. Palin's position on any particular issue, that would have been a better opening question than, 'Is your youngest child really your daughter's baby?'"

P.S. This blog has become all Palin all the time anyway, but if for some reason you need all my babbling about it on one page, check it out.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:46 AM

September 06, 2008

Yeah, it's cherrypicking, but at this point I don't care

How about some compare-and-contrast?

Here's a lady who's had to put up with a barrage of savagely insane rumors about the content of her character, not to mention the contents of her uterus, for her entire week in the public eye so far:

thenewchick.jpg

And here's a guy who's facing the biggest crisis of his career because that lady needled him for saying he alone could heal the planet:

blacknixon.jpg

It's only a matter of hours before McCain drops her from the ticket, don't you think?

P.S. I want to apologize for calling him "Black Nixon" earlier. Upon further reflection, it's an unfair analogy: Nixon didn't have the Internet.

P.P.S. Sarah Palin proposes a solution to Andrew Sullivan's self-inflicted problem. Although it would be like daylight to Dracula...

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:07 PM

She noticed me!

In the comments at Pandagon's post about how it's inherently racist to mock community organizers, after a mildly sarcastic joke I made in the comments was interpreted as defending the people I'd been lumped in with:

For his encore, he’s going to defend the KKK by trying to argue that it’s the only acceptable form of community organizing.

Amanda Marcotte on 09/06 at 11:58 AM

Which is an excellent point, but I just had one quibble:

I don’t really like their racism and hatred, but the outfits are pretty cool!

Jim Treacher on 09/06 at 04:37 PM

Amanda's good, though. She should be the official blogger for Obama.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:57 PM

A cheerful, bespectacled hockey mom has turned the entire mainstream media into one big suicide bomb, and all she had to do was show up

Here's today's talking point at a blog comment thread near you:

“Sarah Palin's scared of the press! What's she hiding? Why isn't she letting them do her a favor by interviewing her?”

Not that anybody with a bit of common sense can't figure it out, but I'll explain it to everybody else: Because the press hasn't earned it yet. She was in the national spotlight for all of three days before once-legitimate newspapers started running with demented Internet rumors that she'd faked her pregnancy. Why would she now assume they're acting in good faith? The only people who are screaming to see her interviewed are the ones who are desperate for ammunition to use against her. Why give it to them?

"The people have a right to know!" Yeah, the people have a right to know things that are true. These dimwits lost the right to use that argument when they ran with all these crazy slurs like it was the day before the election. It's as if she said "Hi, how are you?" and they returned the greeting by trying to stab her in the heart. And now that they've missed, they're trying to guilt her into buying them lunch. The effrontery is mindboggling. She's under no obligation to help these creeps sell ads. She's getting huge crowds and high poll numbers already, and so far she doesn't need them to do it. The more they try to make her look like the bad guy for avoiding them, the more they will be despised.

These news weasels have nobody to blame but themselves. There's already a list as long as your arm of unfounded accusations (and true, but irrelevant, factoids) that the orchestrators of this blatant smear campaign have thrown at her, and the news is doing its level best to thoroughly investigate each and every one. If they dug into Obama's connections to black separatists and domestic terrorists and other hope-and-change advocates as thoroughly as they're digging into Palin's PTA records and pizza delivery receipts, we might have a whole different election. But that would only happen in some sort of mirror universe, one in which Obama had joined a different party.

These pathetic cretins have come up empty again and again, but they still can't stop. The more they realize that this woman really might be as squeaky-clean as advertised, the harder they try to find something. Anything. And the dumber they look, the angrier and sloppier they get. Every “Gotcha!” turns into a “D'oh!”

Good. Keep it up until Nov. 4, you noble gatekeepers.

Not that anybody'll see it. I can't wait for the graphs of cable news ratings and newspaper circulation numbers this month. They'll resemble Obama's frown lines on Wednesday night.

To put it much more succinctly: This mother of five has put the entire journalism industry on timeout. No wonder they're crying.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 03:18 PM

Uh-oh, I forgot

I'm a racist! See, I thought I was judging Obama not by the color of his skin but by the content of his character. But apparently that doesn't work either.

Well, if any and all criticism of the guy is inherently bigoted, that should help him out greatly as president. He'll be able to get a lot done if everybody's too scared of being called racist to disagree with him. Dissent is the highest form of patriotism... unless you're a different color than the dissentee.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:58 PM

September 05, 2008

Open thread

Why not. Possible topic: Will Barack Obama be the first person to guilt his way into the White House? Or will McCain/Palin force him to stop crying to teacher and start playing by their rules? I almost hope not, because it's fun to watch this socialist continually rely on his one and only fallback: "That's not fair!"

(I reserve the right to close comments at any time, delete your comment, alter it to your detriment and my amusement, or whatever the hell else I want to do on my own blog.)

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:46 PM | Comments (27)

Obama vs. Snowmama

It occurs to me: If Obama's experience in this presidential campaign is itself to be considered one of his qualifications for the Oval Office, what are we to make of his performance over the last few days? Is this an indication of how he deals with adversity? Because -- and this may be unfair -- it seems to me that over the next 4 years, the President of the United States will face much tougher challenges than watching a cute lady with glasses make fun of him on TV.

It seems like instead of picking a strategy and seeing if it works, the Obama camp is trying everything they can possibly think of, all at once. Which is one way of doing it, I suppose. And that's putting aside the apparent epidemic of insanity in newsrooms all over the world.

Did you guys see Hancock? Remember when Will Smith just stood there while the train hit him, and it derailed all over the place? Sarah Palin's kind of like that, except happier.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 01:38 PM

Just to be clear, I am directly accusing Markos Moulitsas of astroturfing for the Obama campaign

As discussed here. If you don't know what astroturfing is, it's defined here.

I figure the process goes something like this:

Or at least that's how I'd do it if I were an underhanded sociopath who looks like something that wriggled out of Peter Lorre's ass. (No offense, Mr. Moulitsas.)

In this post-Palin world, that's the way this stuff is done. The accusation is made, and then it's confirmed or refuted. The onus is on Kos to prove me wrong. This is called, in his words, "citizen journalism."

Now I'm just going to sit back and see how it shakes out.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 10:02 AM

MSM:

Making
Sarah
Mightier

I've been struggling to think of a metaphor to adequately describe the press's treatment of Vice President Palin over the past week. My first thought was, "It's kind of like raping your blind date at her doorstep, and then demanding to borrow some money and her car." But anybody who tried that with Palin would end up hanging from the rafters of a smokehouse.

I dunno. My gut feeling is that she should cheerfully decline all interviews until such time as she damn well feels like it. Let these hacks claw at their whorish faces in frustration as her poll numbers skyrocket. How in the world do these arrogant slugs think she owes them a single solitary thing? They've abdicated their role as advocates for their audience, and they're clearly serving as surrogates for a vendetta against this lady and the people she loves. Stugots.

Osama and those other losers make demands of us all the time. Do we jump through their hoops? Palin should treat the media like the terrorists they are: No negotiation. And no warning when she strikes.

P.S. Sounds like they agree. McCain campaign statement:

Gov. Sarah Palin spoke directly to 40 million people on Wednesday night. Only in the warped worldview of the beltway media establishment would that constitute a ‘cone of silence’. We will conduct our campaign our way and on our timeline.

I'd have added: "Alaska has many beautiful lakes, into which any media professional demanding access to Gov. Palin can jump."

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:16 AM

Gerald Baker at Times Online writes:

The best line I heard about Sarah Palin during the frenzied orgy of chauvinist condescension and gutter-crawling journalistic intrusion that greeted her nomination for vice-president a week ago came from a correspondent who knows a thing or two about Alaska.

“What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama?”

“One is a well turned-out, good-looking, and let's be honest, pretty sexy piece of eye-candy.

“The other kills her own food.”

Close enough.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:06 AM

Us Weekly is losing subscribers like Jann Wenner loses T-cells*

sp
Somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 readers have canceled this week because of the magazine's rushed, defamatory cover story on Sarah Palin and her family. The magazine is denying both of those numbers, so it's probably even higher.

And guess why all those people are voting with their wallets? According to "one unnamed editor":

Readers are loyal, but the base of a political party is more loyal.

This is not a partisan issue, but at least they're admitting that some Republicans can read. "Party loyalty," give me a break. The only people who don't have a problem with this garbage are journalists and hopeless Obama drones. But I repeat myself.

And don't start mewling about Chelsea Clinton jokes, my friends. Yeah, that crap was stupid and wrong, but I don't remember anybody plastering rumors about her uterus on the front page. Although back then we didn't have the Daily Kos, and her parents weren't Republicans.

Not that these miserable bottom-feeders should stop desperately crying arctic wolf about Palin. If this week has shown us one thing, it's that this lady absorbs abuse and converts it into laser beams of awesomeness.

On September 3, 2008 at 10:31 p.m. EST, when Alaskan Governor Sarah Louise Heath Palin stared straight into the camera, smiled, and accepted the Republican Party's nomination for Vice President of the United States of America, the look in her eyes said it all: "Hello, every newsroom on Earth. I'm not who you think I am, I'm not afraid of you, and I am not going away. Watch and learn."

Make them pay for this, Madam Vice President. Make them understand that you don't need their permission to win.

And do it with a smile.

*Why in the world would that offend you? I read it on the Internet. Are we not allowed to ask questions? (Never mind that it's not a question, but rather the lowest, most pathetic libel.) If it's not true, why doesn't Wenner prove it? Just show us the results of your latest AIDS test, Jann, and we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Unless you've got a problem with the First Amendment?

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:25 AM

September 04, 2008

When that song came out, McCain was only 90

The Wilson sisters sent a cease and desist to McCain/Palin because they used "Barracuda" by Heart at the end of the RNC. It makes sense: For a rock musician, affiliation with a Republican campaign could be a career-ender. Whoops, too late!

Well, they'll have no problem paying for the lawyer, what with all the money they made tonight on iTunes.

P.S. I like Kaus, but some things he says are less smart than others. Here's one from last night:

Palin Speech: Very effective, as expected. Big loser: Hillary. Maybe Hillary's handicaps (e.g., inability to zing opponents without seeming haughty or testy) aren't barriers facing all women after all. [Point stolen from someone in the crowd.] ... Trig is already becoming a bit of a prop, however. ... 11:39 P.M.

Prop? What were they supposed to do, leave him in the car?

P.P.S. And if she'd handed the kid off backstage to a Secret Service guy with a towel over his shoulder, inevitably somebody would say she was ashamed of Trig and trying to hide him.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:02 PM

You can call a woman a bad mother for not forcing her daughter to have an abortion, and claim that the same woman didn't actually give birth to her own son...

...but don't you dare ask what a community organizer actually does.

A commenter at QandO was nice enough to explain the difference between Obama Black Nixon and Palin:

Jesus was a community organizer. Pilate was a governor.

To which I replied:

And last night was the crucifixion.

Hey, you know who else was a community organizer? Don Corleone.

P.S. Here's a funny thing: If you Google "Jesus was a community organizer" "Pilate was a governor", suddenly that moronic non sequitur is all over the place. Hundreds of results, and I'll give you a cookie made of dreams if you can find one dated before Sept. 4. Purely spontaneous, right?

Way to get rid of the "He thinks he's the Messiah" meme, geniuses. Astroturfing sucks, but if it helps turn even more people away from a witless crybaby like Obama, who wants to be president because otherwise it's not fair, that works for me. We are the spam we've been waiting for.

And you'll never guess where this wonderful, poetic grassroots slogan "originated". It's attributed only to "a reader." Kos is such an idiot that he couldn't even come up with a fake name to put it under. How about "Sparack Spobama"? "Spavid Spaxelrod"? (I wonder if this Kos page will be deleted, just like the one that launched the utterly deranged conspiracy theory about Palin's youngest son? Get the disinfo out there, and then remove the source. Orwell was an amateur.)

P.P.S. If you're a community organizer and you want to help organize a community of other community organizers to stop the mockery of, um, whatever the hell it is you do:

http://organizersfightback.wordpress.com/

They're demanding an apology from Sarah Palin. Perhaps they haven't been paying attention. I think that'll happen the day after Joe Biden gets through a full paragraph without reminding people of a much less likable Ted Baxter.

P.P.P.S. How about McCain's speech, huh? It's not his strong suit, and there was no way he was going to outshine the VP, but he did fine. And he had help. Five years of torture didn't stop him, but some fatty in a pink t-shirt was supposed to? I predict Obama will put out a statement tomorrow insisting that he had no specific knowledge of Code Pink's plans. (By the way, if you're wondering how those CP idiots got into the convention: They wear the tinfoil inside the hat.)

P.P.P.P.S. I love the stupid pundits who say Sarah used too much sarcasm last night. Yeah, why make a political speech interesting? You might hurt your opponent's feelings. Not to mention, all that open mockery was obviously designed to rattle Obama, a notoriously thin-skinned grievance monger. Which it obviously has, with flying colors.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:58 PM

September 03, 2008

The Speech

Think she was vetted well enough?

Word is that halfway through, Keith Olbermann's head exploded. Oddly enough, it had very little effect on his delivery.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 08:07 PM

Palin Dodges Tough Questions About Existence of "Alaska"

By Howard Kurtz
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, September 3, 2008; A1

sarahpalinifthatisherrealname.jpgMedia Bubble, Sept. 2 -- Embattled former beauty queen Sarah Palin* continued to wilt yesterday under the pressure of numerous fair, evenhanded media questions regarding the alleged state of "Alaska." Palin has claimed to be "governor" of the legendary northern land mass, which, while heretofore undiscovered by explorers, was once rumored to contain vast expanses rich with oil, gold, and "eski-mos."

Palin first made the "Alaska" claim during an Aug. 29 public appearance alongside elderly, mean-looking cancer victim John McCain. McCain, a white man with even whiter hair, has long publicly blocked efforts by Barack Obama, a youthful black man with a certain indefinable aura about him, to move into Obama's new house. Palin, also white-skinned, has been linked to the McCain offensive.

After four days of telling silence from the McCain camp, Palin finally deigned to reappear in public yesterday. In a followup press conference, Palin, who is a girl, lashed out at the media.

"Listen to me: Alaska. Is. A. State. Seriously. The 49th state, in fact. Way up north there. What, did somebody go around your newsrooms and hide all the maps underneath the ethics manuals? Or are you idiots just completely insane?"

Shaking her head in a transparent attempt to feign exasperation, Palin -- who is perhaps not as pretty as she thinks she is -- then left the podium without answering followup questions regarding her plagiarism of CBS's Northern Exposure.

Internet reaction to the unfit mother's unhinged rant was swift. Andrew Sullivan, right-wing blogger for The Atlantic, saw Palin's comments as a major misstep. "She's working the refs. This is what they do. Sure, blame the media. Is it their fault she's too chicken to back up these suspicious claims?

"Look, I'm willing to entertain the idea that there really is a place called 'Alaska.' We've all heard the old wives' tales, and I've dreamed about such a rugged, outdoorsy paradise since I was about 13 or 14. But why is she so afraid to give us some proof? I mean, I've never been there, have you?"

Yukon Cornelius could not be reached for comment.

Update: After consultation with the Association of American Geographers and several DC-area kindergarten students, the Washington Post can now report that many current world maps contain a small area in the northwest corner of North America labeled "Alaska." Palin's relationship with the mapmaking industry is currently under investigation.

*Real name unconfirmed at press time

Previous election: Dan Rather: "Prove I'm Not Queen of the Space Unicorns"

Posted by Jim Treacher at 06:09 AM

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

That's one of my favorite quotations, from Napoleon Bonaparte. And it just occurred to me that if all these Democrats think Sarah Palin is such a disaster, the second coming of Thomas Eagleton... why are they so strenuously interrupting?

Hell, I'm thrilled Joe Biden is on the ticket. Flap that cakehole, Joe!

Posted by Jim Treacher at 04:29 AM

September 01, 2008

The biggest difference, as I see it, between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama

One of them is little more than an elegant, attractive, dare I say sexy piece of eye candy.

The other one kills her own food.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 11:32 AM

August 30, 2008

A public apology to Ezra Klein

I took a cheap shot at him in the comments at the American Scene, in the context of the Sarah Palin pick, and it made enough of an impression for him to mention it on his blog. It was a cruddy thing to say, and I apologize. Not only did it obscure my point -- that a freshman governor has more executive experience than a freshman senator -- but it was just plain rude. Sorry about that, Ezra.

Posted by Jim Treacher at 12:44 PM

I just thought of a new meaning for PUMA

Palin
Unites
Maverick's
Allies (or Adversaries; either one fits)

sarah_palin2.jpg

Posted by Jim Treacher at 07:43 AM